A Conflict of the Soul
by EternalCullen
Summary: A Conflict of the Soul is the continuation story of Rose and Dimitri's relationship as it should have progressed had RM not turned him into a Strigoi. Told again entirely from DPOV, and set as a sequel to By the Baring of my Soul, the story will take you through the aftermath of the attack and caves, trials, graduation and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: So after all the tears and screams of denial, it's time for something less depressing. Thank you again, everyone for the great reviews posted to the concluding chapter of _By the Baring of my Soul_ , and for sticking with me.

As I said at the end of Ch. 37, _A Conflict of the Soul_ is the continuation story of Rose and Dimitri's relationship as it should have progressed had _RM_ not turned him into a Strigoi. Told again entirely from DPOV, the story will take you through the aftermath of the attack and caves, trials, graduation and beyond. I will try to keep it to less than 30-chapters and under two years, but I'm probably kidding myself.

Rated M (as I intend to pack as much lemony goodness in as I possibly can), this Dimitri will be the Dimitri that I write about in my one-shots. It's _my_ R-rated Dimitri versus _RM's_ PG-rated Dimitri.

As always, I love hearing about what your thoughts are, so don't be shy with them.

Enjoy.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter One

Clearing the last jagged curve of the cave-wall at a dead run, darkness suddenly gave way to light.

So close that I could almost reach out and touch it, the sight of sunset's fading orange glow was enough to force the tired, aching muscles of my body to work harder and move faster. Aided by the lure of clean, fresh air, it drove through my labouring lungs and forced out the bitter taste of stagnant air, blood and death.

There was so much of it now in the cave that it was suffocating.

Dodging a body slumped against a rocky outcropping in the tunnel – Strigoi by the looks of its charred remains – I kept an eye on the others. Ahead of me by a dozen or so yards, Celeste led the way, with Janine dragging Eliza Carmack after her, whilst Alberta and Stephen followed closely behind. Throwing an agitated look over his shoulder – just to check, I think, that I was still there – Stephen's eyes widened with panic as he saw the Strigoi that I could only hear rapidly closing in on us.

Not bothering to turn and see how close they were when I could all but _feel_ them breathing down my neck, it wasn't until I saw the Strigoi leap out from a recessed alcove hidden on the right, and heard Celeste's terrified scream rip through the air, that I realised that they had herded us this way deliberately in order to set a trap.

Tumbling hard to the ground, Celeste's scream became a grunt of pain as the air was forced from her lungs. Pouncing onto her, the Strigoi knocked her stake from her hand and left her defenceless. Hitting out at him frantically with clenched fists, her aim was off as panic became desperation. Hissing malevolently, I saw the glisten of saliva-coated teeth in the low light before they sunk into her neck. Biting her repeatedly, it tugged viciously and tore at her artery before cutting off her struggles and settling in to drink deeply.

Skirting Celeste's writhing body with horror in their eyes, Janine yanked at Eliza's arm when she cried out and stumbled on her feet, and for a moment, Alberta seemed to slow down, but Stephen wouldn't let her, and shoved at her back as he caught up. Clearing her body only barely, another Strigoi leapt out at them, but missed Stephen by only inches. Turning towards me as he heard my approach, his blonde hair caught in the faint light and glittered menacingly.

Joined quickly by two more, they dropped to the cave floor to feed instead; disinterested in me or any of the others, but the one that kept me in its sights wasn't interested in Celeste's blood…it was interested in _mine_.

Crouching to spring, the low growl echoed towards me before it leapt into the air. Faster than any of the others I had faced and killed over the past twenty-four hours, it tackled me to the ground before I could avoid its attack. Snarling and hissing, it briefly overpowered me and lunged forward, but as I felt it's hot, putrid breath against my neck, I jerked away, and struck out. Punching him brutally in the side of his head, it was enough to make it flinch and partially lift its weight off my chest.

Surging upwards, our positions flipped as I tossed the Strigoi to his back, and thrust my knee viciously up into his ribs. Winding him with a wheezing gasp, my fingers curled around his neck as my knee dug into his chest and pinned him to the ground. Gripping ruthlessly, the Strigoi clawed frantically at my arms and bucked against me; its red eyes bulging as I squeezed his cold flesh, but I wouldn't be moved, not even by its greater strength.

Everyone was outside now. I could hear them frantically shouting for me to leave it, to get out, to run because the others were too close, but I couldn't focus on them when my ears were filled with the thundering pulse of bloodlust.

It was rage; pure and simple. The kind of rage I had been taught as a teenager to control, to overcome, but there was no control now. It had begun to split apart at the seam during the first attack, and in the hours since, I hadn't been able to fully re-stitch it. I hadn't thought about it before…I hadn't _allowed_ myself to think about it, but as my fingers tightened around the neck of the Strigoi wanting to end my life, I could feel the seam ripping further apart until it felt like I was being held together by a single thread.

Writhing in my grip, I could feel the column of its trachea compress and crush beneath the brutal force of my hold. On some dim level of my conscious still able to think clearly through the haze, I knew that what I was doing was cruel. I knew better than to behave inhumanly, even towards a Strigoi, but all I could think about was that if I had been any slower or less alert, I could have shared Celeste's fate.

Everything I had already sacrificed, or was prepared to sacrifice, would have been for nothing. The future with Rose that was now almost more than just a fantasy would be gone, stolen from me by a creature whose sole intent was to feed, and who had no idea of what it would cost his victim. He would steal their lives without a second thought.

My fingers tightened pitilessly…I wouldn't let him steal mine.

There was more shouting from outside now. It was louder, and more desperate, but it wasn't until those voices were joined by another that the fog of hatred begun to lift, because it was the clearest voice there was, and the only one that mattered.

"DIMITRI!"

Breathing heavily through the feverish grip of fury, my narrowed gaze was locked on the squirming Strigoi for a second longer before I looked up. Standing between Emil and her mother, the latter of which was trying to hold her back, Rose was hysterical; pulling against her mother's hold as she hoarsely screamed my name. The wild desperation in her eyes was the only sight strong enough to remind me of what I was…of _who_ I was, and for the moment, it was enough to hold the thread together.

Glancing down for a moment at the struggling creature, the glint of his golden hair was duller now as the light faded quickly. We were running out of time. Finishing him off with a single killing blow that was more merciful than he deserved, I scrambled to my feet and launched towards the entrance.

Leaping over the Strigoi feeding on Celeste, there was no point in stopping to see if I could save her. She was beyond anyone's help now, but that didn't stop the feeling of being powerless. I was so close to her, yet I couldn't do anything about it. Stumbling out into what was left of the vanishing light, I ground to a halt to look over my shoulder.

The snarling pack of Strigoi had stopped just short of crossing the threshold of the cave. Kept prisoner by the border of light, they hissed and gnashed their teeth, shrieking and shielding their eyes before recoiling as they got too close to the setting sun. More had dropped to the floor of the cave to feed, but those already feeding snapped and fought as they protected their kill.

Nauseated at the gruesome sight of them ripping Celeste apart, it wasn't until an order was harshly screamed at me that I forced myself to turn away.

"Move, Belikov…NOW!"

Glaring, Janine turned away without waiting to find out if I listened or not, and pulled Rose with her as they ran. No longer struggling against her mothers restraining hold, the desperation had left her eyes now that I was out in the open, and safe, but there was still anxiety there as the shadows of sunset lengthened.

The vast majority of the rescue party had already begun their flight back to the safety of the wards. I could see them crossing the open fields in tight groups. Some were hampered by the injured they carried – Mateo and Konrad both supported Eddie, whilst Alberta held up an exhausted Eliza – but there were more than enough to help, and it didn't stop them from running hard, or from looking worriedly over their shoulders.

Watching the sun dip further below the Western mountain range, it would be completely set within minutes, and so I turned on my heel and ran.

Clearing the wards almost twenty-five minutes later, dusk had long since given way to night. As the last person to slip through the barely-opened front gate, I stopped halfway between the Academy grounds and the outside; watching for anything moving in the forest whilst the agitated guardians on duty tried to pull me through completely, but they needn't have bothered.

We were alone.

If the Strigoi had decided to chase, they would have easily caught us, but there was nothing out there now but a forest filled with the kind of nocturnal creatures we didn't fear. Half expecting to see the menace of their eyes in the darkness, long minutes passed before I accepted that they weren't going to follow.

A little surprised, and more than a little grateful that they hadn't, the only conclusion I could come to was that they weren't about to waste their opportunity to escape under the cover of dark. They couldn't be sure that we wouldn't return at dawn to kill off those who remained, but they were smart enough not to wait around to find out.

Slipping through the gate, the heavy clanging of the bolt hurriedly slid into place behind me made everyone jump. The frenzied rush from before had slowed as the wards were crossed and exhaustion began to give way. Most now rested on their haunches as they tried to catch their breath, whilst others had sat on the grassless banks on either side of the road, but they all looked in the same direction; tensely alert and on edge.

"All right, everyone. I know that you're all tired, and more than a few of you are in pain, but we have to keep moving. We're safe behind the restored wards, but I'm not taking any chances at this point, so get them up and into their respective dorms and the clinic if need be – the curfew must be obeyed." Walking amongst the resting, Alberta got everyone to their feet again, whilst instructing the guardians to keep them all moving.

Searching for Rose amongst the mass of exhausted guardians, teachers and Moroi, her eyes found mine as mine found hers.

She hadn't said my name; not even the faintest of whispers, but somehow I had known she was looking for me, or at least, looking at me. Crouching besides her mother now, Janine had turned away from her, but the fingers of the hand still encircling her wrist were tight. She wasn't ready to let go of her daughter just yet. Seemingly both amused and reluctantly accepting of this, Rose didn't make any move to distance herself from her mother, but it was clear that it wasn't Janine she wanted.

Continuing to hold my gaze for long seconds, Rose should have known better. She should have known to look away before someone noticed, but she didn't seem any more capable than I was.

Beginning to sweat beneath the watchfulness of her hungry stare and the flush of sexual heat, the pounding of blood wasn't just in my ears this time, but also in the thick ridge of my cock rising along the zipper of my jeans.

Watching as her cheekbones began to colour, and her nipples tightened and pushed demandingly against the thick knitting of her dark grey sweater, Rose exhaled shakily just once before she closed her eyes for a second, looked away and broke the connection between us, but it wasn't enough to hide how she really felt.

She wanted me as much as I wanted her.

Rising and turning with her mother as Janine spoke quietly to Alberta, she didn't look back over her shoulder at me, and as much as I wanted her to so that she could see the arousal etched into every line of my body, it was probably a good thing she didn't. I was certain the frenzy of lust reflected in my dark eyes would unnerve her.

It unnerved _me_.

The first time Rose and I had made love, it hadn't just been about satisfying the desperation of fear and flesh, but an affirmation of the love we could no longer deny. Admittedly, my control hadn't been at its strongest _then_ , but this was different. I hadn't ever felt anything this powerful, and as much as I knew that my fraying nerves and need for reassurance had caused it, controlling it was another matter.

It wasn't just that I needed to know by _looking_ at her that she was unharmed and alive; there was a greater need to _feel_ that she was safe, that we had survived. It was a need that involved my hands on as much of her skin as they could cover, my mouth on as much as her flesh as I could devour and my scent mingling with hers to the point where I could no longer separate them.

I wanted what I had told her we couldn't have again until after she had graduated – and I didn't think I would be able to stick to my own rules this time.

So hyperaware of her now that even the whisper of the faint breeze over my skin made it tighten in both pain and pleasure, I ignored the shiver of hunger tingling through my veins and searched for a distraction, because right now, there was no point in searching for control.

Eddie at that moment chose to try and rise unsteadily to his feet, and failed. Looping an arm around his back to support him, and ignoring the discomfort of my heavy erection chaffing beneath jeans that were too tight, I waved Ramirez and Kon away and watched as they went to help others before I shifted Eddie's weight as we followed after the return party.

Glancing up at me, the glazed expression in his light hazel eyes was out of focus as he tried to pull away from me, and I tightened my arm around his ribcage. Even unsteady from blood-loss, he wasn't about to burden someone else with his weakness.

"I'm okay, Guardian Belikov."

Shaking my head in exasperated amusement at his lie, my brow arched. "Eddie, you are the farthest thing from okay right now. Just rest against me; you don't have to do this on your own." It wasn't just that he saw being a burden as a weakness, but also an embarrassment. I could understand it, even if it didn't make much sense.

"But…"

"Don't argue, Eddie."

Resigned, he sighed and rested against me. "Yes, Guardian Belikov. Thank you."

Our pace was slower now under the rising full moon. Partially obscured by long wisps of pale grey cloud streaking across it, there was more than enough light to lead the way. Reaching a shallow rise in the road, the lights of the Academy glowed invitingly in the distance, beckoning the wary home.

"How many did we lose?"

Deciding against softening the blow and hiding the truth; he would find out eventually, my reply to Eddie was as quiet as the night around us. "Sixteen Moroi. Fifteen of them killed in the initial attack and one in the caves…Molly Harper."

Frowning, Eddie muttered in confusion. "Molly? I don't remember a…Molly Harper?" Shaking his head, he pressed his fingertips to his temples, and stumbled over the uneven road. Pulling him tighter into the shelter of my body, he mumbled. "Oh, wait….yeah, I remember now. She was on the other side of Mr Ellsworth. He was trying to protect her, but they hit him and dragged her away. I could hear her screaming, but I couldn't do anything – they never left me, they were always on me."

Sounding dazed, Eddie rubbed at his neck. The blood had begun to dry on his skin and where it had soaked into the ripped collar of his t-shirt. The puncture marks had begun to heal, but still he rubbed over them, as if trying to erase them, or scrub away the feel of the Strigoi who had fed on him. I knew that like the rest of those who had survived Spokane, he had refused counselling, but this time around, he wasn't going to be able to.

"Is Lissa okay?"

"She's fine."

"Rose…Christian…Adrian?"

"They're all safe."

"Did we lose any of the novices?"

"No."

"How many guardians?"

"Eighteen. Thirteen within the Academy borders, and five in the caves."

"Eighteen?" Softly questioned, Eddie's voice thickened with emotion as I felt the pit of my stomach harden. The grief was understandable, and right now, it was all he could feel. The anger would come later, and so to would the guilt when he was able to function normally again. For the rest of us, the grief and anger would pass more quickly, and when it was gone, the guilt for surviving when others had not would be all that remained.

Beginning to flag as his adrenaline ebbed; Eddie sagged heavily against me with grunt. Bending at the waist to simply slide my arm beneath and pick him up, I felt another arm slide around him from the other side and brush against my ribs. The simple touch left a trail of fire that singed the hard bones, and told me without having to look that it was Rose on the other side of Eddie.

Stretched taut now with hunger, Rose looped Eddie's arm around her neck, completely unaware that she was torturing me. Closing my eyes briefly, my back teeth ground together for a moment before I could trust myself enough to speak. I needed to get away from her without making it obvious; she was too strongly attuned to me and would pick up if something was wrong if I wasn't careful.

"I've got him, Rose."

Not hearing the strain of those words, or their hidden meaning, Rose's main concern was Eddie as she shouldered some of his weight. "I know. I've got him, too." She answered softly, almost immediately dismissing me and turning her attention to him. "Hey, Eddie."

"Hey, Rose," Eddie returned quietly; his expression still muddled, but he seemed to make a greater effort for her. Looking over her with sibling affection, he frowned when he saw the bruises, shallow cuts and dirt on her face. "You okay?"

Nodding quickly, Rose brushed absently at the damp tendrils of hair sticking to her jaw, and winced a she brushed over a purpling bruise. "I'm great. You?"

"Been better." Grinning wryly, Eddie blinked a few times before trying to focus on the group in front of us. "Is that Dean…and Shane?"

"Yeah. A few of the novices were included in the rescue party."

"Really?" Shaking his head harder this time, Eddie seemed to have a hard time understanding everything, and was growing paler by the minute. We needed to get him into the clinic, and I needed to put some distance between myself and Rose. Increasing my stride, Rose seemed to know where my concern lay, and kept pace easily enough.

Thinking that it was only concern that had me moving faster, she didn't have the faintest clue of what she was doing to me. With every step the three of us took, the outside of Rose's forearm would brush against my ribs, and send sparks through my nervous system. Even the merest brush through layers of clothing was enough to set off the need that right now I didn't have the faintest chance of controlling.

If she knew what I was thinking…what I _wanted_ , she wouldn't be anywhere near me.

Crossing over into the main campus minutes later, they were minutes of tightly-strung torture as more of what little was left of my discipline continued to unravel. Achingly hard, the swollen head of my penis rubbed against the snap of my jeans, but there was no relief, and with every pass over it, the crown spilt more moisture into the coarse material and cotton beneath it.

Biting back the groans building in my chest, Dustin's arrival gratefully gave me something else to focus on.

"Dimitri!"

Jogging over, his eyes were sharp beneath his thickly weathered brow as he scoured over us from heel to head. Not alone, we were instantly surrounded by medical personnel checking us for any serious injuries that needed immediate attention. Handing over the injured and rescued, they were walked or carried to the infirmary, but I kept Eddie. I was concerned for him of course, and wanted to take him myself, but more importantly, he was a buffer between Rose and I that I badly needed.

"You three okay?"

Nodding, Eddie grunted as Rose and I shifted him. Rubbing his chest lightly in comfort, Rose looked towards the medical centre with more urgency. Resting his hands lightly on Eddie's shoulders, Dustin peered down with just as much concern.

"You sure, Castile? You don't look so good, son."

Squinting, Eddie slowly nodded. "I'm okay, Guardian Johansson." Trying to disentangle himself from our hold, Rose gently lifted his arm from around her neck and slid the other out from around his waist, but as she did, Eddie swayed towards me, and forced her fingers to run lightly and quickly over my ribs and down to my hip before she was able to step away.

Shuddering at the unintentional touch, it was only Eddie slowly crumpling to the floor that kept my hands away from her. Catching him, I gave him a look full of frustration. Misinterpreting it as frustration with him, it was enough to stop him from arguing with me again as we started to walk.

"How many did we lose?"

Turning to answer Dustin, my answer was clipped. "One more Moroi…another five guardians."

"Fuck!" Looking around, Dustin mentally ticked off the one's who had returned…and the one's who hadn't. "I can't see Celeste. Or Alan."

Pausing as Rose pulled open the clinic doors and walked in; the grim look I gave Dustin over my shoulder told him everything he needed to know. Nodding just once, his deeply-set eyes were troubled as he stilled for a moment before walking away. He would have known, as we all had, that the rescue would come with risks, and whilst mentally we had prepared ourselves, the reality of those lost was harder to come to terms with.

Walking Eddie through the doors, we stopped beside Rose in what was once the reception area and found chaos.

Filled almost to capacity by those injured in the first attack, every bed was already occupied and so the foyer and hallways had been turned into a makeshift triage. The chairs and coffee tables had been stacked to the side, and spare mattresses placed on office desks and the floor. Nurses and members of staff with any medical training rushed between the patients already there, and the ones just brought in, but they were seriously understaffed.

Walking further into the bedlam of dodging staff and bleeding patients, we were met by a harassed looking Dr. Olendzki as announcements rang out overhead for blood donors to volunteer for those in need of transfusions. Checking Eddie quickly, she handed him over to a pair of nurses before insisting that she check our vitals. Satisfied that neither of us had any major injuries, or were concussed, she excused herself to rush back to those who needed her, whilst we stood out of the way against a wall, and watched helplessly.

I knew that Lissa and Adrian had helped earlier, but neither of them were here now. Still uneasy about the negative side-effects of Lissa's Spirit ability, I was glad that she wasn't, but it would have made my life a little easier if she had been. Rose would have gone straight to her and solved my problem, but that wasn't going to happen now.

"I should stay and give blood," Rose mused quietly, watching as the guardians dispersed and left the clinic in a hurry. Only those badly injured would stay for treatment; the rest were needed on patrol.

"No," I disagreed, still desperate to be away from her, but not at the expense of risking her health. "You've been under too much stress the last few days. You've eaten virtually nothing, and you've had too little sleep, Rose. Giving blood right now would only make you weaker."

"I'm fine." Arching a brow, Rose pushed away from the wall and stood close enough to my right hip that I could feel the vital heat wafting off her. The same awareness was still there, but right now Rose was more interested in disagreeing with me.

"No, you're not," my argument in return reasoned as I began to back away, needing space. "There are others that will donate blood. You've done enough already. What you need right now is sleep." Pushing through the doors of the clinic still facing her, Rose looked at me curiously before she followed after, probably as confused by my behaviour as I was.

" _Sleep_?" Rose scoffed, closing the clinic door as I turned away and began to walk back to housing. "Do you really think I can sleep right now?"

"Yes," I threw over my shoulder, swallowing hard as I saw how close she was to me. "You might not feel like it right now because of the adrenaline, but once you've had a shower, and are in bed, you'll fall asleep almost instantly. Trust me."

"Are _you_ going to sleep?"

"No," my answer was curt. "There are things that need to be done still."

"What kind of things?" Rose asked suspiciously, her frowning face lit by a lamp burning brightly on the pathway.

"Just… _things_."

"Seriously, comrade?" Rose retorted, raising a brow at my weak excuse. "You're a better liar than this."

Clenching my jaw, my response was almost harshly ground out. "Rose, please don't argue with me. Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm." Finding an excuse that was actually something she would expect me to say, I latched onto it quickly. "Its past curfew and you need to be inside." Quickening my pace, I knew that Rose would have to almost jog to keep up with my longer strides, and as she was forced to do just that, she noisily protested.

"Will you slow down, please? What is going on with you…Dimitri?!"

Not answering, my agitation began to show outwardly. Shoving the sleeves of my sweater to my elbows, my fingers clenched and released so convulsively that the bones felt like they were grinding together beneath the skin. Passing the church with Rose still trailing after, I could see the candles lit through the open doors, and a mass of parishioners within its hallowed walls. As it had been after the first attack, those most devout were more than willing to disobey the curfew to grieve and pray.

"Dimitri?"

"Later, Rose."

"No. Not later. Now!"

Reaching out, Rose wrapped her fingers around my bare forearm and tugged me to a halt. Shuddering at her touch, I couldn't control the rough groan that escaped my throat or the automatic clench of every muscle in my body. Clutching tightly at my arm, Rose reached up to cup the back of my neck, tilting it down so that I would look at her worried expression; unconcerned at the moment it seemed, that anyone might see us.

"Talk to me. I know you, and I know something's wrong, but I can't help if you won't talk to me, comrade." Squeezing gently over the tense muscles at my nape, the concern in her dark eyes should have calmed me down and made me think about my behaviour, but it didn't. Not when all I could think about was her, and how she at the moment was the only thing holding me together, and suddenly, it all became too much.

Hugging her to my chest, I pulled Rose off the pathway and towards a recessed alcove of a doorway rarely used at the side of the church. Concealed by the deep shadows from those who might see us, it wouldn't have made much of a difference if we weren't. I was prepared to take the risk, no matter how much I told myself that it was stupid and dangerous.

Pushing her against the heavy wooden panelling of the door, my arms coiled tightly around her to protect her; one around her waist and the other cupping the back of her head. Resting heavily against, but taking care not to hurt her, or let her feel the thick bulge of my erection, my breathing was quick and uneven as it gusted out over her hair. Pressing my lips to her forehead, they tasted the faint residue of sweat, dirt and Rose, but it wasn't enough to settle me.

Still for a moment, I could feel her confusion in the tension of her muscles as she tried to understand what I was doing, but couldn't. Struggling against me, Rose tried to push away with both palms placed flatly against my chest, but I wouldn't release her.

"Just wait, Roza. Don't move, please." Mumbling against her forehead, my eyes closed for a moment, but she wouldn't listen.

"What's going on, Dimitri?"

"It's nothing. Just…stay still for a moment."

"Why?!"

Chuckling weakly against her skin, my head shook. "Must you _always_ argue?"

"When I don't understand what happening, yes! And can you let me go, please? We're in the open, Dimitri. Anyone can see us like this. What's wrong with you?"

Ignoring her demands, the demands of my own body took over as I gave in. Kissing along her left temple, my lips played at the hair over it for a second before moving downwards. Lingering at the top of her ear, my teeth nibbled gently along the soft ridge of cartilage, listening as her breathing became choppy and she forgot about the threat of being caught.

"Dimitri…"

Biting into the soft flesh of her lobe, the shiver of arousal transferred from her skin to mine and my cock throbbed in reply, but it still wasn't enough. I needed more of her. Sliding my fingers into the tightly plaited hair, and turning my wrist, the movement tipped Rose's chin upwards. Watching me with eyes made drowsy with desire, they closed when my lips skimmed very lightly along her jawline, and found her lips.

Coaxing them gently apart, the tip of her tongue tangled with mine. Groaning into her mouth, the smallest taste of her was enough to make me lose my head, but Rose, for once, was stronger, and managed to keep hers. Pulling away with a gasp, she wiggled in my arms, trying harder to get me to release her. "Are you crazy, Dimitri?" She hissed slightly breathlessly, pushing at my chest as her sanity returned, whilst mine remained lost in the scent of her clouding my head. "Let me go, before someone…"

Smothering her words again, my lips met hers in a tangle of desperation and desire that was too strong for her to resist this time.

Running my hands down her spine, the curve of her buttocks, and the backs of her thighs, they hooked beneath them and lifted her up against the door. Forcing them to widen and wrap around my hips, my pelvis rested in the cradle of hers as I ground the rigid flesh of my cock into the moist, heated notch I could feel through the layers of denim. Moaning, Rose sank her hands into my scalp and sucked hungrily on my tongue; tightening her legs around me and rocking her hips in time to counter every thrust of my own.

Dragging my lips away from hers, Rose cried out softly and tried to bring my mouth back, but the connection wasn't enough. I needed more of her. Kissing along her throat, it arched backwards with a whimper as my tongue flickered out and tasted the essence of her. Continuing downwards until my teeth nipped gently at the hollow of her throat, I couldn't go any further because my path was blocked by her jersey.

Growling in frustration, my fingers bunched and pushed it upwards until it was ruched beneath Rose's chin and out of my way. Framed by the stretchy entrapment of a broad-strapped sports bra, her breasts thrust invitingly towards me, tipped with nipples beaded tightly for my attention. Nuzzling against them for a moment, the temptation was too great.

Licking at the nubs and wetting them through the elasticated fabric, my teeth clamped gently over the peaks before tugging them into my mouth and suckling with rough excitement. Gasping, Rose's fingers dug almost painfully into my scalp as she pulled closer, and writhed against me. Impatient with the barrier when I wanted bare skin, my fingers wrenched the bra down and beneath her warm, swelling flesh, propping her breasts up and pushing them further towards my hungry mouth.

Driven almost mad by the lust that held me so tightly in its grip I couldn't see, or hear, or feel anything else, in some small portion of my brain not fogged by the quest for sexual satisfaction, it should have scared me. It should have forced me to stop, but it felt too good to do anything but give into it.

Still devouring the supple, creamy flesh of her breasts whilst Rose gripped and ground against me, my fingers slid down over her arching torso, her heaving ribs and the flexing muscles in her taut stomach until I found her navel. Slowly circling it with the tip of my smallest finger, the others delved beneath the waistband of her jeans and begun to unsnap the closures.

Gasping above me, Rose gripped my head as my fingers found the edge of lace beneath denim, but as I began to pull down, she pulled up. Angling my head so that it was only inches away, I interpreted the urgency of her touch as need, and raised my head to take her lips again, but Rose turned her head away from my seeking mouth.

"Dimitri…Dimitri, stop," she panted, refusing to give me what I wanted, not understanding why she didn't want me as much as I wanted her. "We have to stop. This isn't you."

Too caught up in the moment to listen, the moist heat from beneath the lace forced a groan from my throat. Biting gently into her chin, the movement tipped her head forward, and I was able to kiss her again, but Rose it seemed had other ideas as sanity returned to her when it was lost to me.

"No…no…no." Pulling away again, Rose shoved harder this time. "You're the responsible one; you know this is reckless and dangerous…DIMITRI!"

Frowning irritably that she was making this more difficult than it should be, the blush of arousal streaking over her features was slowly replaced by anxiety. Clasping my head between hands that were strong enough to keep from kissing her again, Rose lowered her head until the tips of our noses almost touched, and gave me a hard shake.

"Dimitri?!"

Blinking slowly as the urgency of Rose's words slipped beneath the lust blanketing my brain, her agitation was the only thing strong enough to strip it completely away. As the teeming blood began to slowly drain from my head, the awareness of what I was doing, where I was doing it, and to whom I was doing it to, became a reality check I couldn't ignore.

Fighting for control over my clenching lungs, pounding heart, and aching cock, the tight grip on my cheekbones softened until I could drop my head, and bury it in the crook of her neck, but the deep tremors still ran through me. Seeming to know that I was finally listening to her, Rose stroked gentle, soothing hands over my head.

It was ironic really that she had the ability to drive all reason from my head faster than anyone alive, and yet, was also the only one who could make me see reason when I was all but blind to it.

Long minutes later, I wasn't any closer to being calm or in control, so there was no point in bothering to try and pretend that I was. Disgusted with myself for my behaviour; behaviour I had thought I was strong enough to overcome, and furious that I had exposed Rose this stupidly to risk and ridicule, shame gnawed at me as I mumbled against her neck.

"I'm sorry, Roza…I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay…it's okay," she replied to my weak apology, still stroking my bowed head; her fingers playing with the hair tied at my nape. There was no anger or criticism in her voice, only concern, and it was more than I deserved. "Are you all right now?"

"Yes." It wasn't exactly the truth, but neither was it an outright lie.

"Well that's a relief…now will you please tell me what the fuck is wrong you?"

Laughing weakly despite myself at Rose's unfailing ability to be blunt, my hands gently unlocked her booted ankles from around my waist. Lowering her to the ground, I kept her between the door and my body to protect her nudity from anyone passing by and gently tugged up the traps of her bra. Wincing slightly as the stretchy fabric rubbed over the tenderness of her swollen nipples, Rose adjusted the straps and arched a brow sardonically before pulling down her jersey.

"Start talking, comrade."

"I'm fine, Rose. There's nothing to be concerned about. I told you before that you're hard to resist, remember?" Deliberately teasing her in the hopes that she would focus on that, rather than my discipline spiralling out of control, the glare I got in response was enough to tell me that I shouldn't have hoped as concern now gave way to anger.

"Fine… _fine_?!" Rose spat furiously, shoving against my chest to get me to back up a step. "This is not fine. _You_ are not fine. You've got me pinned to the side of the church… _the church_ , in the open, where anyone can see us! This is not you. You never lose control like that, Dimitri… _ever_ , so don't tell me that you're fine, because none of us are!"

Jerking away from me as her rant ended suddenly, Rose watched me warily and defensively crossed her arms over her chest. Understanding her fear, and the reluctance to talk about it, I reached for her and pulled her into my arms, shelving the self-condemnation for later in order to concentrate on her. Hugging her tightly to my chest, there was nothing sexual about this embrace, it was merely meant to comfort. Seeming to know this, Rose softened and her arms curled around me.

"No, you're right. None of us are fine," I agreed, resting my chin on her head. I didn't want to get into this now, but maybe there wasn't a better time for it. "All of this is just too much, I think. The attack, the rescue, the death that's all around us. How do we deal with any of it?"

Silent for a moment, Rose asked the question I had been hoping she wouldn't. "What happened in the cave, Dimitri?"

Hearing the curiosity beneath the irritation, my lips coasted along her temple. "I lost control of myself. That's what happened. In the worst possible place, and at the worst possible time, I let my emotions overpower every instinct I had, or lesson I was ever taught to the point that I put myself in danger."

"Why?"

"When I was fighting that Strigoi, all I could think about was that if I hadn't been alert, if my reflexes had been any slower, I would have ended up like Celeste. My life with you – the life that seemed so impossible until now – would have been over before it had ever begun, and it sent me into a blind rage. My judgment knew better; the voice in my head knew better, but at the time I wasn't listening to either."

Sighing heavily, Rose rubbed her nose over my heart. "And _this_? What was this about?"

"This…this was a combination of things." There was an uncomfortable burn spreading over my lower jaw and cheeks as I flushed with the heat of shame. Glad that the moon had changed its degree of arc and that the doorway was completely dark now, Rose still seemed to hear it in my voice and looked up at me.

"Look, comrade. I'm not complaining all that much, just next time…can you strip me behind a closed door and not somewhere that we would have audience participation?" Teasing now, it wasn't enough to stop me from baring my soul.

"I've been in a panic since the first attack, but because of everything else that's happened, there hasn't been time to stop and think about it, but since the cave…" Blowing out a heavy breath, it disturbed the hair at her temple. "You were all that I could think of, it why I was trying to leave you at housing after we left Eddie at the clinic. I needed to be away from you, because in my panic, I knew the only thing that would calm me down was having my hands on you, to somehow reassure myself through the feel of warm, living flesh that we were okay, that we had survived, and that was going to lead to…well, this."

Cocking her head at my answer, a brow rose. "So running away from _me_ was the thing you had to do?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it running away, but yes…and you wouldn't let me."

"Well of course I wouldn't let you. I knew something was off with you. I _always_ do, so don't try and hide things from me, okay? And by the way, you didn't stop to think that _I_ would want to make sure _you_ were all right? You don't think _I_ was panicked and wanted reassurance of my own because you scared the hell out of me in that cave? We're in this together, remember? Don't run from me – never _me_. Even if you think it's for my own good, Dimitri. Deal?"

Fiercely determined, Rose wasn't going to back down until she got the answer she wanted. It was an answer that, until now, I had only just realised I could easily give her because she was right – we were in this together. Nodding, my hands slid to the small of her back. "Deal."

Nodding in return, Rose stood on the tips of her toes and kissed me gently before she leaned back a little, glared, and throwing back her shoulder, balled her fist, and sunk it into my gut. Coughing out a breath, I rubbed over the tender spot of my stomach and tried not to wince. I had seen that right hook in action before, but had been smart enough, until now, to never be on the receiving end of it.

"What was that for?"

"For scaring the hell out of me in that cave."

Hiding my smile from her glare, I easily captured her balled-up fist, and kissed the knuckles. "I'm sorry I scared you, Roza, but at least now you know what it feels like."

"Like _what_ feels like?"

"To be terrified for the person you love most in the world. It's what I felt when I found you with Natalie. It's what I felt when I thought we would be too late in Spokane. It's what I felt when I saw you on the plane. It's what I felt when watching you run from me to warn the others, never knowing if you would make it… and it's what I felt when I saw you standing in that cave when you were meant to stay outside."

Scowling at my answer, it looked like Rose was going to hit me again, but she somehow restrained herself, and hissed instead. "You think I didn't know what it felt like until now? You told me to run…to leave you, with God knew how many Strigoi to fight _alone_. Of course I know what it feels like."

Feeling the fine tremors in the fingers of the hand I still held, it was the only outward sign of the vulnerability Rose very rarely showed. Her anger with me now was very real, but the fear beneath the temper was the real reason for it.

"You're right, Roza. We both know what it feels like, so instead of being scared all the time that we'll lose each other, why don't we concentrate on the fact that we haven't?"

"Sounds good."

Standing in the dark for a moment longer, neither of us said anything, and simply held onto the other in mutual comfort. This, right now, was what we needed more than anything else. Our hearts beating in unison, and the reassurance that we had survived. Hugging tightly once more, Rose tipped her chin up.

"Are you really okay now? Are you back to your usual control-freak self?"

Before this conversation, my automatic reply would have been _yes_ to protect her, and myself, but now that the very nature of our relationship had changed, I wouldn't hide anything from her ever again. "No…not really. But I'm working on it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay…so am I allowed to go and give blood now?"

Tightening my hold, I growled in her ear before kissing it. "No. I meant what I said before. That wasn't an excuse."

"So did I! I'm not going to be able to sleep."

"I know. Neither am I."

"What do we do now? And I don't just mean right now, I mean in the days and weeks that are going to follow."

"I don't really know. None of us have ever experienced anything like this, so we don't know what our next move is. I suppose…I suppose life goes on, and so do we, in whatever way we can."

Turning her head as it rested on my chest, Rose rubbed her cheek against the soft wool and looked out towards the entrance gates of the Academy in the far distance. Sighing quietly, she tilted her head to rest her chin over my sternum.

"Life doesn't go on for everyone."

Rubbing her back gently, I knew who she was thinking of. "Mason?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think he's still here? Did you see him in the caves, or when we were on the outside?"

"No, but I'm hoping he's still around. I want to thank him. Without him, we wouldn't have known about the caves. Without him, Eddie would probably be dead by now, and so would the others." Looking away from me again, a sudden look of determination crossed her features.

"Let's go now."

"Where?"

"To Mason!"

"Rose…no."

"Why not?"

"It's too dangerous now. The Strigoi in the caves may not have attacked us on our way back, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there now waiting for any opportunity handed to them." Tightening my arms around her, the thought of her outside of the wards was enough to make my heart thump painfully against my ribs. "And besides, the guardians on gate duty will never let us out at night."

"Distract them like you did before, and I'll slip through."

"Rose, _I_ don't want you beyond the wards at night."

"I can't wait until sunrise, Dimitri; he might be gone by then, and I'll never get another chance to thank him. I won't go far. Just outside the gate, close enough for you to pull me back in. All I need to do is clear the wards. I'll be careful, I promise…please?"

Stroking my thumb along her jaw, I sighed and looked over my shoulder towards the gate. The patrols on the boundaries would be tighter than before, and would have doubled as a precaution. Getting her to the gate would be easy enough, but getting her through, even if I _did_ manage to distract the guardians on duty, wasn't going to be as easy.

But she was right. Without Mason, none of those taken would be alive right now because we would never had known to look for them. And even if he wasn't there, at least Rose would feel that she had tried. If I refused her now, it would be something that she regretted, and I never wanted to be the cause of any regret for her.

"Are you sure you don't want to clean up first? Have a shower, change your clothes? Wash away some of this dirt?" Brushing my fingers over the marks streaking her chin and cheek, my thumb rubbed at the drying mud.

Throwing me a dirty look at the hedging, the stubbornness kicked in. "Right, because Mason is going to worry about how dirty I am. Stop stalling, comrade."

"All right, I'll take you, but if I feel it's too risky, you're not going beyond the wards. Agreed?" Nodding quickly, it wasn't enough for me. "I need verbal confirmation that you're not going to argue with me, Rose."

Rolling her eyes, she grumbled. "Yes, I agree that you are in charge, and that I won't argue when we get to the gate. Now can we go, please?"

Grinning at her eagerness and the insincerity of the vow – she would try to get past the guards, the gate, and myself if she thought she could, promise or not – I left her in the shadows and quickly looked around for anyone in the grounds that would see us. Discreetly adjusting the tight confines of my jeans over the erection that had little hope of softening anytime soon, I held out my hand.

Taking it almost absently, Rose was already focused on Mason, and didn't notice that it was the simplest of touches from her that sent my nerves into frenzied overdrive. Breathing deeply and closing my eyes for a second, I reluctantly let go of her hand and put some distance between us as we began our walk towards the gate.


	2. Chapter 2

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Thank you so much, everyone, for the reviews! I didn't expect so many for the first chapter, and I'm absolutely thrilled.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Two

"Who was that guardian you were talking to outside of housing earlier? The blonde who went with us to the caves? He looks familiar."

Glancing up at Rose from my crouch as I retied the loose shoelace of my boot, she was half sitting on the lichen-covered trunk of a fallen tree, not far from where we had first been attacked. Playing with the end of the hair she had messily re-plaited after my greedy fingers had ruined the first one, the bright moonlight overhead made her dark hair appear almost ashy brown.

Pausing with my fingers in the laces, for a long moment I didn't answer, and simply looked at her.

Determined to work on the control I had promised her I would, my fingers had kept to themselves as we had walked away from the upper campus and into the woods, but only just. Deciding that physical distance was the only way of keeping that promise, I wasn't exactly breaking the terms of our deal, but neither was I sticking to them.

Worried at first that Rose would notice, her attention had been focused on getting to the front gates and Mason, not me, so she had said very little as we walked, but the awareness was there between us, as it always was…crawling through our bloodstreams. The significance of what had happened in that doorway wasn't just sexual in nature, and Rose knew that, but she also seemed to know that I was walking a thin line, and so she didn't encourage it.

"Dimitri?" Prompting me, Rose smiled questioningly as I continued to stare at her with hungry, lingering intent. Knotting the lace and reminding myself that this was only going to work if I followed my own rules, I nodded and rose. "He should. You saw him on the tarmac when we landed at Court for Victor Dashkov's trial."

Frowning lightly in recollection and wincing when the movement tugged at bruised muscles, the realisation came quickly. "Oh, yeah. His name is Konrad something."

"Medvedev. Konrad Medvedev."

"You two were at the academy together in Siberia, right?"

"Yes."

Pushing away from the log, Rose dusted herself off and smirked. "You never did tell me about that favour he owed you." Reminding me of the conversation we had from deep within the bowels of the Court prison, her grin became peeved when seconds passed, and she realised that I still wasn't going to tell her. Picking at a piece of soft lichen attached to the bark as we resumed our walk, Rose fiddled with it before looking up at me.

"Were you and Konrad friends at the academy?"

Curious about the question, I thought about the answer for a moment. "No…not exactly. We were more rivals actually. It was generally accepted that when our class graduated, I would be placed with Ivan as his guardian. Konrad wanted the assignment; not because he actually wanted it, but to spite me, and thought that the best way of getting it was to provoke me constantly."

"Why?"

"So that I would lose my temper and do something stupid enough to jeopardise my placement."

"Huh. He sounds like a real charmer."

Laughing at the dry dislike in her voice, it felt almost surreal now that I was defending him. "We were kids…teenagers. He wasn't a bad person then, and he certainly isn't one now. He's also the guardian that pulled the strings that allowed us to see Victor before the trial, so maybe that will change your opinion of him?" Watching her brow crinkle, I asked quietly. "Why are you suddenly so curious about Konrad?"

Shrugging, she wouldn't meet my eyes. "No real reason. Just making small talk."

"Rose."

Hearing the warning in my voice, she sighed and flicked away the lichen. "You talk about Ivan being a close friend, but no one else. Not in Russia, and not here. I was just wondering…" Silent for a long moment, Rose continued with soft reluctance. "Were any of the guardians killed close friends?"

Frowning at the question, it took me a few seconds to understand why she would ask it…and only a second longer for it to bother me.

Rose had never seen me with anyone outside of working hours, and I had never talked about anyone, so how could I expect her to _not_ ask it? She knew so little about what, or, who I was outside of being a guardian, because I had never shared any of it with her. I knew all of what family she had, but she knew next to nothing about mine. I knew her medical history, where she had been born, her likes and dislikes, but if anyone asked her the same about me, she wouldn't be able to tell them much more than knowing a few of the books I read.

We knew so much about each other on some levels, and yet, on others, we were still virtually strangers.

Keeping certain parts of my life from Rose hadn't been a deliberate decision, but more a side-effect of simply being a very private person. There were things that I very rarely, if ever, discussed with anyone, and because of that, in recent years it had begun to feel like my privacy had become isolation…isolation, and self-protection.

Baring yourself to another was always a gamble. It gave someone else the ability to know the secrets you kept, the fears you hide, or the shame you carried. It gave someone else the ability to hurt, but with Rose, I was willing to risk that my secrets would be safe with her. It was just part of the deal we had made, and honestly, if I couldn't allow the girl I loved to know the man behind the stake, then what was the point in loving her?

"No. None of them were close friends, Roza." Replying softly, my fingers twitched to reach out to her, but that would lead to touching, and touching would lead to disaster. "But they were more than just acquaintances. Being a guardian is a lonely job. We all know, and accept that. It does make it harder to form strong bonds of friendship, but that doesn't mean that we don't interact with others during the times we're off duty."

Breaking off a leafless branch hanging overhead, Rose stepped around a mushy puddle to avoid the sludge, and veered out dangerously close to me. Taking no notice that I immediately stepped further away from her, she turned to look at me with a wistful question in her eyes.

"Will you tell me about them? As people, I mean. Not as guardians."

Considering the promise I had only just made to myself, I was more than willing to give Rose what she asked for, but I hesitated for a moment. Talking of the dead in a way that personalized them was necessary so that they were never forgotten, but it wasn't all together pleasant. It made them seem more real, almost alive, and that memory then became someone else's burden.

Rose had experienced so much of it already. I didn't want to add to it.

Fiddling with the twig as she waited for my answer, Rose twirled it almost nervously as the silence between us lengthened and she misinterpreted it. "You don't have to, if you don't want to," She rushed to reassure me, tossing the twig aside and sinking her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "After Mason was killed, I didn't want to talk about him to anyone, so I'll understand."

Bending to scoop up the same branch, my fingers hunted along the thin stem for any of the warmth her fingers would have left behind. "It's not that I don't want to, Roza. We made a deal, and I'm going to stick to it, it's just that…"

Trailing off as her brows met over the bridge of her nose, Rose looked at me curiously. "Just what?"

"I just don't want it to become an unwelcome reminder."

"Of what? _Death_?" Sighing, Rose shook her head, but her irritation was mellowed by the worry she could hear in my voice. "Dimitri, death is all around us. Talking about it isn't going to make that any better, or any worse. We're on our way right now to go and see death in the form of Mason's ghosts. If I can handle seeing him, and all the others, then I think I can handle hearing about the rest, okay?"

 _She_ can _handle herself_ , I reasoned with myself, but reason wasn't what my heart listened to, and it was my heart that wanted to protect her. Holding my gaze steadily, Rose would understand why I was trying to shield her, but she wouldn't appreciate it, and so with that in mind, I began.

"Grier Theroux was the first we lost, and also the youngest. He was on boundary duty when the Strigoi broke through the wards."

Still for a moment, Rose asked quietly. "How old was he?"

"Not much older than you are now. He was always good company. A little idealistic about the way the world works, but that's what I liked the most about him. Life hadn't made him cynical yet." _…And now it never would_ , I reminded myself harshly, my restless fingers snapping the twig without meaning to. Staring down at it, the two pieces of broken branch lying in the palm of my hand bothered me for some reason.

"We had a few training sessions with him and Guardian Dalca when he first arrived. I didn't get to interact with him for long, but he seemed like a good person. He was more patient than any of the other guardians; not as aggressive or severe." Ducking below a low branch, Rose murmured. "I'm sorry, Dimitri. It sounds like you liked him."

Focusing on the snapped shoot, Rose wasn't fooled by the silence or what it meant, but didn't push for an answer. Skimming over details and personal interactions of the other guardians – both those she knew, and those she didn't – Rose asked the occasional question or made the odd murmured comment as our path took us closer to the cabin. It wasn't until I began to talk about Alan that she turned to look at me with more than just compassionate interest.

"Alan was Guardian Gregorovich, right?"

"Yes. He was killed when Alberta ordered the retreat and we were making our escape."

"I remember. Watching him die was a little like watching Mason die all over again. Both of them had their necks snapped so easily it didn't seem to take any effort at all." Hearing her voice fade as she became lost in the horror of the Spokane memory, Rose shivered and wrapped her arms around her middle, but as she did, she caught the look on my face and held up her hands.

"No, no, no, no, no! Don't stop taking! I'm fine. Tell me about Alan."

"Alan was very different to Grier," I heard myself saying against my better judgement. "He was more like Dustin. Not as old, or cynical, but he had a clearer view of the world. He was one of the first to stand up, to volunteer for the rescue. Not because he thought that we would find any alive, but because he knew that if he stayed behind and did nothing, it would be the same as admitting that nothing could be done."

"He sounds a lot like you," Rose murmured, rubbing her hands up and down her arms to generate warmth against the cold air settling amongst the trees as it seeped through the thick wool. "You never give up, even when it seems hopeless."

"I gave up on Celeste."

Meeting her eyes beneath a furrowed brow, Rose scowled at the quiet guilt she could hear. "No, you didn't, so stop that! We could all see that there wasn't anything that could be done for her, and even if you had stopped to help her, what then, huh? You would be dead with her. How would that have made things better, Dimitri?"

Logically I knew that what she was saying was right, that there hadn't been anything anyone of us could do, but being so close to her had made it feel like I had given up without even trying. "She didn't the rescue was a good idea. In fact, she as much told Alberta that she was insane – that it was a suicide mission, and that it wasn't worth risk any more guardians. It wasn't like with the others. She didn't want to go."

"Yeah. I remember," Rose replied more gently this time as she realised that her well-placed common sense wasn't stronger than my misplaced guilt. "But she went anyway because she trusted Alberta's judgement." Glancing over her shoulder to the admin buildings glowing dimly in the distance, Rose sighed. "Poor Alberta. She's going to feel responsible for all of this, isn't she?"

Eyeing her with a combination of wariness and wonder as she managed to put my guilt into perspective in a way that no one else could, my sigh was as heavy as hers had been. "Yes. She's also going to get all the blame. Not just for the first attack, but also for the unsanctioned rescue mission which resulted in the death of more guardians. The Council will be looking for a target of blame, and right now, she has a very big bullseye on her back."

Not liking the way I phrased this, Rose scowled darkly. "What will happen to her?"

"There'll be an investigation in the next few days, I would imagine. Representatives from the Council will arrive, they'll conduct interviews, watch any security footage available. They'll assess the security, the lock-down procedures, internal protocols, and when they're done, it will more than likely end with Alberta being called to Court."

"What will happen at Court?"

"A more formal hearing will take place with the senior Council members. She'll be allowed to give her official testimony, the outcome of the investigation will be announced…and she'll probably be demoted, or relieved of her duties."

Pausing in the shadow of the cabin, Rose turned towards me furiously. "That's crazy! The attack wasn't her fault! The wards being weakened was the fault of those idiot Royals. They should get the blame, not her!"

"I couldn't agree more, but you know that's never going to happen. They need a scapegoat, Rose, and Alberta is the obvious choice because she's Captain of the Guard." I didn't like saying it any more than she liked hearing it, but there were some things that were beyond the control of any of us.

"Then we all need to stop it!" Rose declared, flushing angrily as she glared towards the main campus. "All the guardians, all the novices, all the Moroi that we saved, that _she_ saved by having that vote, and sending us out there. We need to stand together, and save _her_ now."

"Roza…" Patiently waiting for her to calm down, she didn't, and her anger at Moroi injustice only continued to feed upon itself. "You know we can't do that."

"Why the hell not?" She ranted loudly. "There isn't any one of us that wouldn't defend her, and if the guardians who lost their lives could do the same, they would…Grier, Alan, Celeste, Brandan, Morgan, Jean and Maia…all of them!"

Hearing that last name caused a ripple of unease to tighten my stomach, and for a moment, I forgot about Alberta.

There had been one guardian that I had deliberately not mentioned, and yet Rose had somehow still managed to name her. Maia was no less important to talk about than the rest, but in my mind, the reminder of her death had created an uncomfortable parallel between Emil and I…one that I didn't want to think about right now, much less talk about.

During the hike to the cave, I had been beside Emil for most of it. Watching him carefully, I hadn't been completely convinced that he was mentally or emotionally fit for what we had been about to do, so I had been constantly searching for any excuse to send him back to the upper campus…not just for his safety, but for all of ours.

Rose had been to his right, and four guardians over. As I had glanced over to his direction every other minute, she had always been in my peripheral vision, and as my mind often did when she was close by, it focused more on her than on Emil. Happy for a few minutes to sink into the memories of fantasies made real, they were constantly interrupted by Emil's grim form, and as I controlled myself and focused solely on him, my mind had wandered in another direction.

A much darker and more devastating direction.

Unable to help myself from doing it, I had put myself metaphorically in his shoes, and tried to envision what it would feel like to lose Rose the way he had lost Maia. It had been a stupid impulse, one that I regretted even now, but knowing that hadn't stopped me from drawing a comparison. I had watched Emil grieve over Maia's cold, still body, and I had hurt with him as a friend, but I had never, and could never, understand the full extent of his suffering, and so I had tried, as a way to empathise.

But even reliving the memory of the times I _had_ thought I had lost Rose couldn't give me the same understanding, because I knew she was only just out of arms reach of me…warm, breathing, alive. Trying to focus more singularly on meshing the two together in my mind, I somehow managed to replace her with Maia for the shortest of moments, but that had become such a painfully unbearable thought, I had shaken it from my head almost immediately, and vowed to never do it again.

It was why I hadn't mentioned her before. It brought up to much potential for heartache, but now it seemed very selfish not too. Like I was diminishing Maia's life, and everything she had given for it just because of my own stupidity.

"Maia Reznikova. I never told you about her."

"No, you didn't." Canting her head suspiciously, and for the moment willing to let go of our debate over Alberta, Rose eyed me with a watchful expression. "Why not?"

"Because when you asked me if any of the guardians killed had been close friends, I told you no and that wasn't a lie, but the death of one of those guardians did deeply affect someone that I do consider a friend."

"Who was affected by Maia's death?"

"Emil Dalca."

"How are the two…?"

"They were involved."

"Like…involved, involved? Like _us_ involved?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so what does that have to do with not talking about her?"

Wordless for a moment, my hand clenched around the separate pieces of the twig. Looking down at them again, it still bothered me for some reason, but I couldn't put my finger on why, and I couldn't seem to throw them away.

"I didn't talk about her before, because she's an uncomfortable reminder that not only was I a poor friend to him – I didn't know that it was anything more than casual sex because I was so wrapped up in you…in _us_ , until I saw him devastated by her death – but also because I stupidly tried to empathise with him, by replacing you as the one who had died, and it backfired so horribly that I couldn't talk about her."

Oddly quiet, Rose mulled over what I had confessed for almost a minute before she spoke. "Even if what you believe is true – that you were a poor friend, and that trying to be a better one by empathising was a mistake, it's still not your fault, Dimitri. Maia died by the hand of a Strigoi, not yours, and being compassionate towards a friend is what any of us would do, whether or not we were successful. There's nothing there to feel guilty about, and I know you. I know that underneath it all, it's guilt that's the problem."

"It's not just the guilt, Roza," I hoarsely whispered , pulverizing the fragile halves of the stem into mush before I knew what I had done. "It's the thought of losing you. Even when I knew that I hadn't, I couldn't stop myself. What would I do if I did? How would I act? How was I supposed to go on when your death would be the end of me?"

Exhaling shakily at thought, the air stuck painfully in my throat even as I struggled to settle myself… and failed. Feeling the same desperate panic set in as before, I tried to back away from Rose before I did anything stupid again, but she knew me too well, knew that something was off, and that this time, I _was_ breaking the rules of our deal.

Reaching up before I could turn from her, Rose cupped my rigid jaw and held me fast. "You're running from me again, Dimitri…Don't! Listen to me. I'm not Maia, and you're not Emil. I'm alive. I'm not going anywhere. You know that – I'm standing right in front of you; you can feel me, so calm down, okay?"

Shuddering beneath her touch, my eyes closed for a second, and just like the twig snapped in half, so too did my control as every effort I had put into distancing myself from her fell apart. Letting the pulpy mush fall to the forest floor for agitated fingers, they twitched and shook before reaching out. Clutching at her, Rose didn't stop the embrace as she felt its desperation, but continued to gently croon to me in the hopes that I would calm down, but that hope was wasted.

There was only one thing that would calm me down. One thing that would satisfy the unreasonable fear that I had unthinkingly allowed myself to feel and nothing this time would stop me from getting what I wanted.

Keeping Rose clamped tightly to my side, I all but dragged her to the cabin. Opening the creaking door, the bright moonlight flooded the single room through the curtains dragged open over the windows and the doorway behind us. Looking no different than it had last night – the linens on the bed were the same, the canned goods hadn't changed, the faint smell of mildew and dust was still there – it was filled now with memories that changed everything about it.

"Dimitri?"

Closing my eyes, Rose stroked my taut jaw before I forced them open. "Don't ask me to stop this time, Rose…I can't."

Searching my tormented features for a moment, Rose seemed to find what she was looking for. Nodding once, she reached beyond me, pushed the door close, and turned the handle to slide the small catch into place.

Reaching for her in the same moment she reached for me, Rose accepted my hungry kiss easily whilst still trying to gentle the recklessness she could feel in me, but it wasn't long before she understood that this wasn't like before. This time I wasn't going to be slow, tender, or gentle…I _couldn't_ be any of those things right now.

Sweeping clear the stacked canned goods and bottled water, they tumbled to the floor nosily. Lifting Rose onto the faded, checkered tablecloth, my fingers clamped down over her hips. Pulling her forward so that her thighs parted automatically to accept my hips, Rose panted and clutched at my arms for balance, but the sound was lost as my lips found hers again.

Grasping her jersey in bunches, I pulled it and her bra, up and over her head before she could protest, but the only thing she seemed concerned about was the loss of my mouth as she pulled it back to hers. Thumbing her tight nipples as she gasped, my lips ghosted over her chin, throat and sternum before changing direction and suckling roughly on her beaded flesh.

Arching towards my teeth clamped gently over her nipple, Rose dug her fingers into my hair, and pulled loose the tie at the nape of my neck. Threading her fingers, she dragged my head up, and back to her mouth. Breaking away to drag in air and panting heavily, I threw off my own jersey, and laying the flat of my palm in the middle of her heaving breasts, I gently pushed Rose down to lie back on the table as she clutched at its edges, and whispered my name.

Twisting my thumbs into the loops at the waistband and dragging it over her slender, writhing hips, Rose dug her nails into the faded material; bunching it as I stripped the denim and lace from her legs, and curled them around my waist. Feeling her strong thighs tighten around me, I cupped her hips, and dug into the giving flesh of her buttocks to hold her still as Rose whimpered and twisted within my grasp.

Propping herself up by her elbows, her glazed eyes tracked my every movement with a hunger that matched my own. Holding her gaze steady, I lowered my head slowly; my nostrils flaring at the warm, feminine scent of her. Tracing my thumbs along the inner crease of her thighs, they sifted through the soft, dark curls before slipping into the slick notch, and rasping gently against her inner lips.

Gasping my name, Rose knew as I blew out against her sensitive flesh in gusting breaths what I wanted, and didn't deny me as my tongue sank into her, and her eyes closed on a throaty moan. The intimacy of what I was about to do should have made her nervous; she had been a virgin only twenty-fours before and we had been allowed so little time to explore, but her trust in me was absolute, and so nothing was forbidden.

Following the line my thumbs drew, the heady scent and first taste of her made my mouth water, and my cock jerk. Licking deeply within the slippery folds as Rose writhed beneath me and my fingers kept a tight hold on her restless thighs, my tongue rested lightly on the throbbing nerve centre of her clitoris before roughly strumming it.

Arching upwards with a cry, Rose raked her nails along my scalp as I teased and tantalized. Feeling the rippling contractions of her approaching orgasm, and hearing her thin, breathless cries, the penetration of my tongue into the hot, moist channel became deeper and harder to control as I pushed her towards her climax. Shuddering wildly beneath my fingers, Rose came with a whimpering moan, and collapsed back against the table.

Suckling gently at her throbbing flesh, I could feel the spasms deep within the tissues. Kissing my way up her torso, my fingers unbuckled my belt with impatient, almost clumsy fingers as Rose lay back and watched from heavy-lidded eyes. Her breathing had evened out a little, but it was still deep and languorous. Dragging her fingertips lightly up her torso, they stroked over the curves of her breasts and circled the puckered nipples once…twice, before pinching them lightly, and arching her back with a sigh.

Not knowing if she was teasing or not, and beyond caring if she was, the lust fed upon the desperation until it was all I could think about.

Curling my arm beneath her right knee, and hooking it over my shoulder, the position lifted her hips into perfect alignment for my thrusting cock. Sliding slowly and easily through the tight, wet grip at first, Rose bucked upwards as my hips lunged forward and my need took over. Hammering heavily into her, my fingers dug into her hips; pulling backwards me as I thrust forward for a brutal force that I had no hope in controlling.

Groaning harshly against the intensity of the pleasure, my narrowed eyes watched as with every lunge, Rose's flushed breasts would joggle from the force of the impact. Lost to the sensation, her hands had dropped away from her nipples, and lay limply on the scrunched tablecloth as she accepted what I took. Feeling my testicles draw tightly, my teeth gritted to hold off for as long as I could, but as I felt Rose's vaginal walls pull and tug along the swollen length of my cock, it became too much.

Quickening the snap of my hips as I heard Rose gasp through another orgasm, a guttural cry was torn from my throat at the strangling sensation. Tightening my buttocks as they jerked uncontrollably, my head tipped back on a groan as I came. Shivering beneath the shudders that began in my toes, I fell forward, and braced myself over Rose; burying my head in her damp neck whilst sparing her most of my weight.

Feeling her hands rest lightly on my head, Rose played gently with the damp hair curling around my ear for a long while before she spoke, and I heard the amusement in her voice. "So that control you said you were working on…not so much, huh?"

Groaning apologetically as I tried to calm my rioting lungs and booming heart, the boneless satisfaction I felt was slowly taken over by shame – not just for letting my emotions rule me, but for the way I had allowed them to use Rose. "I thought I had, I swore to myself that I would, but after talking about Emil and Maia…" Exhaling warily, the warm, musky scent of her was reassuring in a way that hadn't been there before. "It just…"

"It's okay."

"No…it's not." Straightening my arms and locking my elbows, I looked down at her. Tousled and flushed, Rose smiled and stretched lazily before tracing the tip of her forefinger along my bottom lip. Kissing the pad gently, the shame was quickly becoming guilt.

"I'm –"

"Don't apologize." Rose threatened as she cut me off, suddenly no longer lazy or relaxed. "Don't ruin this by letting some misguided sense of guilt get in the way."

"Roza, you were a virgin twenty-four hours ago. I should have been gentle; I should never have allowed this to happen. It was inexcusable, it was…" Clamping my lips together as her thumb joined her forefinger, Rose cut off my ramble and glared.

"You didn't hear me complain, did you? That was a rhetorical question," Rose growled when her fingers tightened on my lips as I tried to answer. "I'm not letting you talk, because you're just going to piss me off. Now listen to me closely, Dimitri Belikov, because I'm going to say this once."

"If I don't want something to happen, I won't allow it, not matter what it is, or who the person doing it is. If I didn't want this, I would have stopped you like I did in the doorway of the church. It wouldn't have made any difference that you asked me not to stop you. I have a mind of my own, young as it is, and it knows what it wants, okay?"

Releasing my lips slowly, Rose gently thumbed the bottom one again, but I couldn't meet her eyes as I muttered. "That doesn't make it right."

"Why? Because it was fast, and rough…and hot as hell?" Meeting her gaze again, Rose shook her head before smiling. "It was amazing. The first time we made love was something that I will never forget – you made it wonderful, but this…" Closing her eyes, her expression became languid as she sighed. "This was something else."

"It was desperation, and uncontrollable urges…it was just sex," I corrected bitterly, not understanding why she wasn't as angry with me as I was with myself. "There was no love in it."

Glowing, Rose sighed. "See? This is why I shouldn't have let you talk." Pushing upwards so that I was forced to wrap my arms around her, we remained joined as Rose sat up, and tightly latched onto my jaw to force my head down to meet her eyes. "Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"And you know that I love you?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem? As long as it's what we both want, and both enjoy, then there will always be love in it, comrade. It doesn't matter what we call it, or how long it takes, or what we do, or how we do it, as long as it's with you, then it can't be wrong."

Not quite believing that Rose would be so accepting of a side of my nature I kept so tightly controlled, I searched her eyes once more, but there was nothing more than the earnest truth in them. She meant what she was saying…that she wanted me with the same terrifying acceptance that I wanted her.

"Feel better now?"

"I can barely feel my toes, so I don't know."

Laughing, Rose kissed my chin. "I meant about this Maia/Emil thing. If I had known that it was going to upset you so much, I would never have asked. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You couldn't have known." Stroking gently over her head, the messy plait had come undone, and my fingers twined into the heavy fall. "I feel better for having talked about it, but I still feel awful for Emil. I've tried to talk to him before, but it didn't really help. It's going to take a long time before he's ready, and I don't know how to help him."

"Just be there for him. It was what I did for Lissa when her parents and Andre died. You don't have to do anything, or say anything. Just as long as they know you're there, it's enough. And don't push it. As much as you want to talk about it because you think it will help, it won't."

"That's very good advice, Miss Hathaway." Skimming my lips along her forehead, the taste of dirt was still there, but it now mingled with a faint sheen of sweat.

"Yeah, well. I have this instructor that loves handing out his pearls of wisdom. I've tried my best to avoid them, yet somehow I still ended up handing them out myself. It's not my fault, and I really can't be held responsible for them." Smirking, Rose nibbled at my bottom lip before asking. "So where obviously not sticking to your original _'we can't be together for the rest of the year'_ plan, are we?"

"We can't flaunt our relationship," I confirmed against her lips. "And we're going to have to be very, very careful about how and where we're seen together, but after everything that's happened, I'm not going to even pretend that it's possible to stay away from you, Roza."

Smiling broadly, it was clear this pleased her. She hadn't been happy when I had told her that we would have to avoid each other personally until after she had graduated and neither had I, but at the time, it had seemed necessary. Now, it didn't seem as important, but she still had to realise that there was a very real danger.

"I mean it, Rose. We have to be careful."

"I know, I know, but doesn't it give you a thrill that we're going to have to sneak around? I mean, the cabin is great, but think about all the broom closets, dark hallways, equipment storerooms, and recessed doorways….ooh, ooh, the Church attic…no, maybe not there. It's where Lissa and Christian sneak off to, and it's bad enough already that I'm in her head when they do. I don't need any other reminders of _their_ sex life."

"Really? The _Church_ attic?"

"Yeah, Christian likes to live dangerously."

"Well, _I_ don't," but even as I said it, my mind was conjuring up all the possibilities she had just mentioned – and all the things that I could do to her in dark, secret places. Groaning softly in excitement at the thought, Rose continued to smirk as she guessed where my thoughts lay.

"Are you so sure of that, comrade?"

"Honestly?"

"That was our deal, remember?"

Arching a brow, Rose reminded me that I had come dangerously close to breaking that deal earlier. It wasn't a mistake I wasn't about to repeat. "I'm a very cautious person by nature. You know that already. I don't break the rules often, or at least, I try not to, but with you," Nuzzling the hair just above her ear with the tip of my nose, I breathed. "I'm looking forward to breaking more than a few."

"Good."

Chuckling against her ear, I nipped at it gently. "Why is that good?"

"Because it means that instead of just watching others live their lives, you're also going to live yours."

"Hmmm…that is a good thing then, isn't it?"

Kissing me gently in reply, we stayed locked together for as long as we could, but as with before, we couldn't stay for long. Dressing each other between greedy kisses and caressing fingers, we stopped long enough to clean up the mess we had made before we left. Closing the door, Rose stood beside me, but seemed reluctant to walk away. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just thinking about the last time we left this cabin. I know it's stupid, but I keep waiting for a Strigoi to leap out and attack us." Laughing more to herself than to me, Rose shrugged. "Silly, right?"

Looping an arm around her shoulders, I pulled her away as we continued our walk. "Not silly. After what's happened, we're going to have to re-examine everything that we thought possible; not just about the Strigoi, but also about the safety of the Academies. The attack is going to make a lot of important people very nervous, and very unhappy."

"This place is going to empty out, isn't it?"

"I think so. Until parents are reassured, especially the Royals, that the academy is safe again, they're going to pull their children out. It's the safest thing to do, and it's to be expected, but it's not going to do much for its reputation."

"And the daylight schedule? How long will that last for?

"A while."

"Mmmm." Tangling her fingers with mine, we walked on in silence for a moment or two before I asked something that had been playing on my mind for a while. It was an important question, but I honestly couldn't be sure of how Rose would answer it.

"Are you going to tell Lissa about us?"

"No."

The answer was so quick; I glanced down at her in surprise. Meeting my astonished gaze, Rose laughed softly whilst squeezing my hand. "Don't get me wrong…I _want_ to tell her about us. Hell, I want to _brag_ about us to everyone who would listen to me, but I think that the more people who know, the more dangerous it will be. So I'll tell her after graduation. She's going to be pissed that I kept it from her for so long, but it's safer."

Impressed by her maturity, especially as I knew how hard it would be to keep this from Lissa, I raised our linked hand to my mouth and kissed the inside of her wrist. "I think it's for the best, too. I trust that Lissa wouldn't ever intentionally endanger us, but she might eventually let it slip to Christian, and that would just be one more person who knew."

"Arghhhhh…Christian!" Rose groaned, butting her head against my bicep. "If he knew, it would be a disaster. The next time I annoy him, he'd blurt it out without thinking, in front of God knows who, just to get even with me." Rolling her temple across my arm, Rose sighed. "I mean, it's bad enough already that Adrian knows, but I'd trust _him_ to keep it a secret better than Christian."

Stopping dead in my tracks, the frosted pinecones scattered beneath my feet. "Wait…what do you mean _Adrian knows_?"

Frowning at the jolt, Rose cocked her head to the side. "He knows about us."

"You _told_ him?!"

"No, course not," she defended hotly at my disbelief. "He figured it out."

" _When_?!"

"Idaho."

" _Idaho_?!

During the Christmas break last year, we had travelled to the snowy ski resort in rural Idaho used as a retreat by Royals, and that included Adrian Ivashkov. "We were barely speaking in Idaho, and when we did, we were exactly complimentary to each other. How the hell could he know from that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because he's an outsider and had a difference point of view? Maybe because he knew I was using him to make you jealous, and put two and two together? Who knows? I never asked, because it seemed stupid to confirm something that he's only ever guessed about."

"Why hasn't he said something about us before?"

"Why would he?"

 _So that there would be a clear path to you_ , I thought angrily. Adrian had never made it a secret that it was Rose he had followed when we had returned to the Academy, and although he had never made any serious move toward her, I had the feeling that if given the opportunity, he wouldn't hesitate.

When I continued to say nothing, only stare at her with a possessiveness that bordered on the fanatical, Rose cocked her head. "This is really bugging you. Why?"

"Because I'm the competition and spreading rumours about us would be the fastest way to get rid of the competition."

Eyeing me with a mocking smile, Rose shook her head. "No, you're not, and what's more, he knows that he isn't. Besides, he wouldn't do that. He's not such a bad guy."

"Now you're defending him? All I ever hear about is how much he annoys you."

"Annoying yes; bad no. I mean I asked him to compel me last week so that he could kiss me, and then made him promise that he actually wouldn't, and he kept to that promise, because _he_ was the one that stopped, so he can't be all that…" Trailing off slowly, Rose stopped talking as she saw my furious expression.

"You asked him to do _what_?!"

"Okay, calm down, it's not what you're thinking. It was more of an experiment. I didn't actually _want_ him to kiss me."

"Asking Adrian Ivashkov to kiss you was an _experiment_?"

"Yeah, sort of. Deirdre…the counsellor, said that I only wanted you, because you were unavailable, so that got me thinking. If I could attract a guy that was available, would I feel the same way about him? And the answer is no, because even though under compulsion, when nothing was more important than kissing Adrian, I didn't feel anything for him. I was just going through the motions, you know…"

Stopping again as my expression became more than just furious, Rose sighed. "Seriously, comrade?"

Pulling her into my arms, I growled, but most of my anger had been surprise. I trusted that Rose would never betray me. "The therapist recommended this?"

"Well not in so many words, but it seemed like a good way to prove her wrong." Grinning at the thought, Rose smiled up into my darkly scowling face and tried to pacify the jealously. "I promise I didn't kiss him. Your lips are the only ones I want to experiment with." Proving her point, she kissed me deeply before we continued on.

"So Adrian knows…that makes three."

"Three? Who the hell else knows?"

"Father Andrew."

"Oh, well that's not so bad. He keeps secrets for a living, right? So he's probably a safe bet. Who else?"

"Alberta."

Horrified, Rose gaped at me. "Oh, fuck!"

"Calm down, Roza. She's known for a while, and whilst she's not exactly happy about it, she isn't going to do anything. Believe me, she's warned me enough already. Besides, right now, she has other things to deal with. She's not a threat unless we are careless enough to make her one."

Looking a little queasy, Rose frowned before smiling. "Maybe we shouldn't stand up for her then? If she's gone, it means one less person that could rat us out." Glancing slyly at my look of disbelief, Rose snickered. "Relax, comrade. I'm not being serious, although I was before. There has to be something we can do to help her. Can't you talk to someone… _anyone_?!"

Recognizing that she wasn't going to give this up, there wasn't any point in arguing with her when she was in this kind of a mood. "I'll talk to Dustin. He understands the Council's procedures better than anyone here. Maybe he can help."

Satisfied that I was taking her seriously, the rest of our walk was spent quietly talking about nothing in particular, just words to fill the space. By the time we had cleared the final patch of woods and the protection it provided, we were forced to separate as the guard post and gate came into view. Leaving Rose on the road, I walked ahead to talk to the guardians on duty. As I had expected, they were less than willing to open the gate, and adamantly opposed to letting anyone out.

Managing eventually to convince them, they were confused by why Rose was the one that wanted to be let out, but didn't question my request. Slipping through first to check that none of the shadows were lurking, Rose followed after, but before I let her through, I quietly whispered in her ear.

"Will you…will you tell him _thank you_ , from me?"

Nodding, she smiled gently before I turned back to the guardians to keep them distracted, whilst keeping an eye on her. Standing perfectly still, Rose looked around for a long while before she started to speak very softly. I could hear her calling Mason's name over and over again, but could only guess from her sagging shoulders, that he wasn't there.

Long minutes passed as the guardians became more agitated. They wouldn't allow this for much longer.

"Rose?"

Blowing out a heavy breath, Rose nodded once and begun to turn, but as she swivelled around, she stiffened from something I couldn't hear or see, and suddenly turned back to the face the road. Watching the exchange, I knew that she was part of a conversation none of the rest of us could take part in.

No more than a minute later, Rose nodded once, wiped at her eyes quickly, and turned away. Slipping through the gate, she nodded at the guardians as they hastily locked it, and started the long walk back to the academy without me. Giving her both the time and the space that I knew she would need, I thanked them, and followed after her at a slower pace.

Catching up to her easily as we crossed from the road back into the cover of the forest, she sniffed before sighing quietly. Slinging an arm around her waist, my lips pressed to her hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yes…no…I don't really know. He was fading quickly, so I'm happy that I got to say goodbye. I think he's finally able to move on." Curling her arms around my chest, Rose leaned against me.

"You're not going to miss seeing him?"

"I am, but he deserves some peace. He said _you're welcome_ , by the way. And _goodbye_."

"Good. I'm happy that through you, I was able to say to say it too."

"Thank you for taking me… _again_."

"You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me for doing things for you, Roza. I will always try to give you everything you ask for."

"Well if I don't need to thank you, then can I at least apologize to you?"

"Apologize for what?"

"For being the reason that you gave up Lissa."

Tightening my arm around her, my sigh was filled with more than a little exasperation. "Rose, you know that's not true. We talked about this before."

"I know what you said, and I know why you said it. I also know how much it meant to you to have her, and how hard it must have been to give her up… _for me_. That's why I'm apologizing."

"I didn't give her up for you; I gave her up for both of us. And if I had to make the same decision again, I would. Easily. Not just because it means that we have a life outside of being guardians, but because you are the best guardian for her."

"I'm not a guardian yet, comrade," Rose reminded me, yawning widely as the exhaustion she had been solidly ignoring for the last twenty-four hours began to catch up with her. "What will happen now with the field experience?"

"Until permanent staff can be brought in, it will probably be suspended."

"How is that going to affect us?"

"I don't think it will. All the novices, none more so than you, have already proved that you can handle yourself against actual Strigoi, so fighting against simulated attacks from the guardians seems a little unnecessary now."

"So what…we just go back to training?"

"For the most part. There's more specialised training to teach you, as well as other things that have nothing to do with training. You and the other seniors still have a lot to learn about the inner workings of our world, Roza." Thinking about what Dustin had said about pairing the seniors with their instructors for normal guarding duty as a practical suddenly held more appeal for me.

Yawning again, Rose looked questioningly at me from beneath eyelids beginning to droop as we walked through the barren gardens of the upper campus. "What things?"

"Things for another day."

Almost asleep on her feet, Rose didn't bother to argue that I wouldn't tell her. Reaching dhampir housing a few minutes later, I pulled her into the shaded doorway of the entrance used to sneak into housing – mainly by Rose – and checked for anyone near enough to see us. Kissing unhurriedly, there was no rush of heat between us to satisfy now, only the reluctance to part.

"Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Will you sleep, too?"

About to answer, my sensitive ears picked up the heavy crunch of footfalls to our left. Hugging her to my chest, I pushed us flat against the doorway, and hoped that the shadows were deep enough to hide us as the group passed by. Led by Alberta, the large number of senior guardians argued loudly amongst themselves over standard issues like schedules, and guard rotations, but it wasn't until I heard our names mentioned that it became something I actually listened to it.

"Has anyone seen Belikov?"…"Last I saw him, he was heading to the infirmary with Castile and Hathaway."…"He was with Hathaway? I found the other seniors in the commons, but she wasn't there."…"Didn't Johannsson say he saw her going back to the infirmary? Maybe to check up on Castile."… "No, I was there earlier and I didn't see either of them."…"Has anyone checked with Vasilisa? They're probably both with her…" As the group moved away, the conversation drifted away with them, but not before I heard Alberta task Gregor with finding me.

"Dammit!"

"What does it feel like, comrade, to be so popular that everyone looks for you?"

"It's not funny." Glaring down at her, Rose grinned widely before chuckling tiredly. "This is what I'm talking about."

Patting my chest in reassurance, Rose couldn't stop grinning. "Oh, come on. It is a little funny." Seeing the expression on my face, Rose sighed. "Okay, comrade, so _you_ don't find it funny. Relax. I know why you're worried, but they don't know where either of us is, and they certainly don't know we're together. I'll go to bed, and you can go and find them, and no one will be the wiser, okay?"

Standing on the tips of her toes, Rose pressed her lips to my stubble-roughened cheek before peeking around my shoulder. Checking that the most direct path to the dhampir lobby was clear, she kissed me one last time, and she moved past me. I should have let her – I should have put as much distance between us as possible to dilute suspicion, but I couldn't let her go thinking that this was how I would behave, how I _wanted_ to behave, when faced with the danger of exposure.

Not after everything we had just shared.

Reaching out quickly, my fingers circled her wrist. "I'm sorry, Roza. For the most part, this is what it's going to be like for a while. I wish it wasn't, but it is. "

Smiling softly, Rose twisted her arm in my light grip until she could squeeze my wrist. "I know. You don't have to apologize. I understand. This is enough for now. We'll find the time when we can. As long as we're together."

Caressing her inner wrist with my thumb, my mouth twisted with regret. "I love you."

Repeating the motion on my own, Rose nodded. "I love you, too."

"I'll see you after breakfast, all right?"

"Okay." Squeezing lightly once more before I let go and watched her walk into housing, I waited until she was inside before I went out in search of Gregor, feeling like my loyalties were still being pulled in two very different directions.


	3. Chapter 3

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Sorry for such a long delay, everyone, but I was introduced to _Reylo_ six weeks ago, and haven't been able to get them out my head since. It's taken a little while to get back into Dimitri's POV without confusing him with Kylo Ren.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Three

First light the next morning dawned bright, clear and bitterly cold.

A thin layer of late winter frost had settled over everything just before sunrise, and had turned the landscape brittle and crystalline. It was undeniably beautiful, with the light glistening over every smooth surface, but it was already slippery under foot as it began to melt, and would make what we had set out to do more treacherous than it needed to be.

We had left for the caves an hour ago.

Our return had been decided late last night in a vote more volatile than the one that had sent us in the first time. Having found Gregor not long after leaving Rose, he had been so distracted by gathering everyone that thankfully he hadn't bothered to ask what I had been doing, where I had been, or more importantly, with whom. Arriving at housing, the vote had already begun as we walked into the crowded lounge, only it hadn't been Alberta this time who had been standing up to ask something of us, but Janine.

Arguing against the objections raised noisily by those unwilling to make another trip, Janine had eventually managed to calm the situation with her quiet confidence and the assurance that those who would return would be strictly on a voluntary basis. She had reminded everyone that whilst our main objective in returning was to make certain that none of the Strigoi left behind still hid there; it was also to retrieve our dead.

Six had been left behind when we had fled in the fading sunset yesterday; Molly Harper and five guardians, and whilst the main argument against Janine's suggestion had been about risking more life to bring back our dead, she had countered that they deserved better than to be left to rot in an unmarked grave, and that their families deserved something more than just a memory to bury.

None at the meeting had argued with that.

Asking quietly of everyone in the room, a dozen guardians had committed to returning, whilst she herself had committed to leading us. None of us were in the best shape; physically or mentally, but we were more than willing to do what we knew others would have done for us. Decided quickly on when to go, Janine had been adamant about just one more thing: no fire-wielding Moroi or any of the senior novices would be involved, or would even know about it until we had returned.

Again, there had been no arguments raised as most had thought that after Janine's suggestion of including them yesterday, she had finally come to her senses, but I knew that it had more to do with Rose than safety concerns. Given the way Janine had acted with her when we had reached the safety of the wards last night, it was clear that seeing her only child in the caves had frightened her more than she was willing to admit.

Knowing exactly how she felt, I was more than willing to agree with the exclusion of the novices, even whilst knowing how angry Rose would be when she found out. Her irritation we could all live with for as long as we had to…what we couldn't live with, was watching something happen to her.

Setting out in secret under the cover of pre-d awn darkness and equipped with collapsible stretchers to make the journey home with those we found easier, we were now roughly half a mile away from the mountain range that housed the caves. Slowing our approach to watch carefully for signs of hidden tracks and trails, we silently broke off into the groups assigned by Janine before leaving housing.

"What do you think we'll find in there?"

Glancing to my right, Konrad walked lightly beside me, treading carefully over the slippery ice whilst shivering and shrugging deeper into his coat. Not answering him immediately, he took my silence as his answer, and muttered in Russian before yawning tiredly and shaking his head to try and clear the exhaustion that all of us felt more keenly this morning.

Volunteering for the return, Kon, like the rest of us, had been awake well after midnight as Janine outlined her plan in detail, and like the rest of us, probably hadn't slept much after the meeting had ended. When I had found him in the lobby earlier, he had been on his third cup of coffee, but was no closer to being awake than he had been before the first.

Wrapping my own coat tighter to ward off the cold and for the umpteenth time missing the leathery protection of the duster, I decided to answer Kon's question. Not because it needed to be answered, but maybe because it would keep him awake a little longer.

"Nothing but death, I'm afraid. The surviving Strigoi aren't going to be stupid enough to wait until tonight to make their escape. They probably left right after we did. It would explain why they didn't follow us last night."

Slipping a little on a smooth patch, he righted himself quickly before squinting at me and the rising sun at my back. "Do you think that they left the bodies?"

"I hope they did, for the sakes of their families, but there's no guarantee. These Strigoi have been unpredictable from the start, and could have done anything by this stage."

Predators were notorious for leaving behind the ravaged carcass of their victim once they had finished feeding, and Strigoi were normally no exception, but there had been sporadic reports over the years that had suggested in some cases that they carried off their kill. Whether it was because they wanted to finish feeding in peace, or to turn their victim at a later stage, none of us knew, but the bodies were generally never found.

Grimly quiet because he knew that what I was saying was what he had expected to hear, Kon yawned again, and rubbed at his gritty eyes before changing the subject. "I don't think I've ever been this tired. The inside of my eyelids feel like they've got sandpaper stuck to them. Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Not much."

After the meeting had concluded, we had been ordered by Alberta to rest as the shift swung. None of us could of course, not with thinking about what the coming dawn would bring, but we had dutifully returned to housing to try anyway. Standing beneath the shower, the blood and dirt that had dried from the cave had been washed away as sore muscles unwound beneath the scalding water, but exhausted as I was, I still couldn't sleep.

Lying awake in bed, part of my preoccupation had been created by the possibilities of the horrors that awaited us in the cave come morning, but most of it had been centred on Rose.

Still a little giddy that she had been so readily accepting of a side of my nature she had never seen, the euphoria of it still sang so loudly through my bloodstream that it was all I could hear at times. Reliving the eroticism of the cabin had kept me achingly hard for hours, and when I had eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep, the dreams that had tortured me couldn't have felt more real than if Rose had been beside me in the bed.

Eventually giving up and leaving behind the attempt to sleep, I had found myself with boxing gloves on in the gym. Punishing the bag for my frustration instead of myself, even then I hadn't been able to think of anything else. Not duty to the Moroi, or the loyalties that still felt divided. There had only been Rose and how distracted I was by her and the love that seemed to govern everything.

Even now when I should have been concentrating on what we were about to do, she was what I was thinking of. Eager almost to be done with this so that we could return and I could see her, it was only common sense, and a returning sense of self-preservation, that kept my perspective from being completely warped by everything Rose.

There was also a danger to it, I realised, but that didn't really seem to stop me from doing it.

"There it is."

Forcing myself to focus, my gaze followed Kon's as the entrance to the cave came into view. It looked the same, but there was a sinister pull to it now that hadn't been there before. We knew what it held, and what it had cost us, and it made the sight of the innocuous mountain seem more like a tomb.

Bathed in bright light, the angle of the sun penetrated deeper within the shadowed tunnel than it had yesterday, and it lit up the spot where Celeste had lost her life. Her mutilated body, along with the Strigoi that had almost cost me mine should have been there, but the there was nothing. Disturbed by the thought of what had happened to it, there was no time to dwell as our groups split silently and Janine took charge.

Indicating to follow her, she slowly made her way deeper into the tunnel, keeping safely to the sun for as far as it would take us. Stakes drawn, we were tensely guarded against a surprise attack, but as we reached the edge of the sunlight, there was nothing ahead of us but darkness.

Passing over the place where I had been attacked and dragged to the floor, the reminder of the merciless rage that had consumed me, made me shift uncomfortably. There had been no controlling it at the time, but now that I could think clearly around it, I knew how stupid I had been, and that I should never have allowed it to happen in the first place.

Glancing around, Janine frowned when she found the tunnel empty. Crouching, she sifted through dirt and debris with the tip of her stake, but all that was left in the place that had once held Celeste's body was dried blood stains, small slivers of drying flesh, and tatters of clothing. She knew, like the rest of us, that it wasn't a good sign the body had been moved.

Sighing angrily, Janine rose and narrowed her eyes; glaring into the dark. "Where did Wilcox fall, Belikov?"

"In one of the secondary tunnels leading from the smaller antechamber." Pointing to a slight bend in the tunnel on the left, his body, if left alone, would be a few hundred yards in. "Molly Harper isn't far from him, and neither is the two others brought in from Court; Nicholson and Kovalev."

" _If_ they're still there," Janine corrected. "Can you go in as a group?"

"No. Single-file. The tunnel widens and narrows at different points all the way through."

"Damn."

"What's the hold up?" Joining us, Dustin stayed carefully within the light, but he wasn't as cautious. He had been kept within the boundaries of the Academy during the rescue because of his seniority and experience on the ground, but this time around he had made it clear he wasn't going to be left behind.

"Celeste isn't here."

"Shit."

Walking past us and away from the light, Dustin stopped abruptly and gagged at the odour wafting through the passageways. The dank, foul-smelling air was still as oppressively suffocating as it had been yesterday, but when mixed with the decay, it was now far worse.

"Where would they have moved her to?"

"Probably the main chamber. That's were the largest congregation was. We have to go in any way to get Gregorovich's body, so we'll be able to see. If not, we're going to have to look for her." Not sounding happy about it, Janine knew that the longer we were here, and the farther we walked in, the more danger there would be, but she wasn't about to leave until we had the six.

Flicking the switch of a small, but powerful torch, Janine directed the beam and swung it around before she began to walk in, talking quietly over her shoulder as Dustin followed closely after her.

"Take Belikov, Medvedev and Stapleton to the antechamber to get Wilcox and Molly Harper's body. I'll take Hendricks, Anderson, Ruiz and Alto to the main chamber to get Gregorovich, and then Nicholson and Kovalev. Look for Celeste as you move through the cave, and gather any of the Strigoi bodies that have been left behind. Chase will send his team in to collect them specifically for the Alchemist's to dispose of, but we might as well help where we can. Once you find them, get out and regroup."

"Understood." Breaking left from the main tunnel, Dustin moved aside for me to lead the way as Janine continued on with the others.

Guided by torches, we searched quickly through the maze of tunnels in silence, too tense to make any small talk whilst the stench of death became a palpable awareness around us. Leaving Morgan and Kon to gather the Strigoi bodies we came across, Dustin and I found what was left of Brandan and Molly exactly where I had expected them to be, and wrapped them in sheeting before loading them onto the stretchers.

"Still no Celeste," Dustin muttered, listening over his earpiece as we joined the others and helped them load the Strigoi, but as with before, there was still too much static for anything to be heard clearly. "Is there anything else this side, Dimitri?"

"No." Crouching, I peered into the dimness. "The tunnel tapers off until it's too small to do anything other than crawl through it to the other side. It would mean we're vulnerable." Looking back at him over my shoulder, I nodded back towards the larger end of the tunnel. "We should make our way back to the main chamber."

Dustin's bushy brows met over the bridge of his nose in irritation. He didn't like that we couldn't go any further, but he nodded his head at my judgement call and didn't second guess me as I rose. Meeting up a few minutes later with the team led by Chase in the main passageway, they carried out the Strigoi bodies found. Telling him where to find the ones we had left, the guardians Janine led weren't far behind.

Stretchering out three shrouded figures, I couldn't see who they were, but judging by the size, they were male. Added to our two, that made up five, but not six. Following after them, Janine's dark brown eyes darted alertly around our surroundings as the beams of the flashlights momentarily lit up her face, but there was nothing but death in the cave now. None of the living Strigoi had lingered.

"Celeste?"

Holding my gaze, Janine slid her hand into her coat pocket, and took out a folded square of white cloth. Looking a little like a handkerchief, she unfolded it slowly. Once open, the beams from our torches threw light onto a grisly sight. Lying in the palm of her hand, a blood-dried piece of flesh with a single gold-stud was all that was there. The stud was a simple earring, and one that we both knew was the only jewellery that Celeste had ever worn.

Feeling physically ill at the sight, my next question was quiet, and probably unnecessary. "Is that all that you could find?"

Looking as queasy as I felt, Janine nodded just once before folding the linen around the flesh, and re-pocketed it. "All that was recognizable. There are other bits in there, but they could belong to anything or anyone. It's not much to give to Cybil, but it's something at least."

A little surprised at how sentimental the normally pragmatic Janine Hathaway was being, her manner turned business-like so quickly I thought I had imagined it. Following her out into the open, the clean air didn't settle my stomach, but it helped to ease the feeling of suffocation. The others questioned Janine about Celeste as she walked to where they had gathered, but she merely shook her head and instructed them to return to the Academy.

Walking to a squatting Dustin, he was carefully pulling back the edges of a shroud. Revealing Alan's cold, pale face and the mangled spinal column that had been the cause of his death, he looked at it for a moment before covering him again. Muttering softly in Swedish, I vaguely recognized the same kind of prayer I had used with Grier.

The words were different, but the sentiment was the same.

Squeezing his shoulder once, I moved to grab one end of the stretcher, knowing he would take the other, but it was Janine who picked up the other end. Waving away his protests, she hefted her side, and looked back over her shoulder towards me. Wanting to point out that with our height differences, she would take most of Alan's weight; the deadpan expression on her face told me she wasn't going to listen to any arguments, and so I lifted my end, and we began our return.

Automatically shortening my strides to keep pace with Janine, we were slower than the others, and fell slightly behind. Seeming in no hurry to catch up to them, which was unusual for her, I tried to figure out what was going on inside her complicated head, but it was never easy with Janine. Unlike her daughter, who usually had no problem in letting you know _exactly_ what she was thinking, she was so hard to talk to, you practically had to pry information from her.

The one thing she _was_ willing to talk about, at least to me, was Rose, and normally it was to complain about her reckless behaviour. Usually I didn't want that kind of conversation, but now, I wished she _would_ start it. I didn't know what I was trying to accomplish with it, all I knew was that it still irritated me that she wouldn't give her daughter the credit she deserved.

Travelling carefully over the slippery terrain, it took us longer to return than our original journey as the ground continued to thaw, and still Janine said nothing. Preoccupied, like the rest of us, with the sombre nature of what we were doing, I left well enough alone, but as the heavy iron gates of the Academy became visible in the distance just before midday, Janine finally spoke.

"I was very impressed by the way that Rose handled herself in the cave yesterday."

Startled by the direction I wasn't expecting, I slipped a little on a patch of ice before righting myself quickly. Typically Janine had to be prompted by others to give her daughter praise of any kind, so to hear her give it without wasn't normal, and for some reason, it made the fine hair at the nape of my neck stand warily on end.

"She shouldn't have been in there in the first place of course, but what's done is done." Shifting the weight of the stretcher, Janine glanced over her shoulder just once, checking, I was sure, as to what my expression would give away. "I know that people think that I don't always give her the credit she deserves, and I don't, but that's because I've had a lifetime of problems from her. It's difficult to accept now that she's changed so radically in so short a time."

More than just wary now, I kept quiet as Janine's pleasant behaviour set off alarm bells in my head. There was something very, very wrong with this conversation because the underlying reason for it felt like she had an ulterior motive.

It felt like a setup.

"Still, I suppose that maybe with maturity, she has changed," Janine continued on, despite my silence. "She'll be eighteen in a week, and I have to admit, if you'd asked me last year if she would be ready by the time she graduated, I would have said no, but now, maybe I have to admit that I was wrong." Pausing for a long moment, Janine added softly. "I also know that I haven't given you any credit either, Belikov."

Feeling like a carrot was being dangled in front of my face; I knew that I couldn't remain silent. She would read too much into it, but I also had to be careful not to give anything away. "I don't need credit for anything, Guardian Hathaway. Rose was assigned to me for training, and that's what I've done."

"There's no need for false modesty, Belikov," she reproved quietly. "We all know what you did. You took a rash, volatile teenage girl, and straightened her out to the point where now instead of being thought of as a liability by her peers, she's almost respected amongst them."

"She proved herself, Guardian Hathaway," my voice reasoned evenly, even as my hackles rose at the _almost_ part. "She had the skills, the knowledge and the drive; I only helped her in refining them."

" _Refining_? Is that what you call it? Well, I suppose that's one way of looking at it."

"What other way of looking at it is there, Guardian Hathaway?" I asked, even whilst knowing that I shouldn't have because I could hear the irritation creeping back into my voice.

"That you're in love with my daughter…that's another way of looking at it."

Said so quietly that the others wouldn't hear it, the menace in the answer was loud enough not to be mistaken for anything else, and chased away any trace of being pleasant. Understanding now why she had deliberately isolated us from the others, everything had been leading up to what was more than just a warning to stay away from her daughter…it was a threat.

I had expected this to happen, and had warned Rose that when it did the conversation wouldn't be pleasant, but I hadn't expected it this soon. It made it more than just ugly…it made it dangerous. Having it after graduation meant that we would be protected to a certain extent, but we were exposed now, so the only thing I could do to protect her, to protect _us_ , was to deflect.

It was lying really; I could call it whatever I wanted, but there wasn't any other word for it. Hating that I had to do it, especially to Janine, I knew that I didn't have any other choice. The last thing I could do now was tell her the truth.

"Rose is my student, and as my student, we've spent a great deal of time together, and because of that, we are close, Guardian Hathaway. I obviously care for her, but honestly, you're reading more into this than you should."

Laughing more to herself, the sound had no humour in it. "You're very good at deflecting, Belikov. You always have been, but I've heard it enough by now, especially when questioned about Rose, to know what it sounds like."

"I don't know what you mean, Guardian Hathaway."

"Of course you do. We both know you do. There have been too many instances where you've given yourself away, although I must admit, you're always very careful to downplay it. I'm only amazed that no one else has picked it up yet. Or…maybe they have, and just haven't said anything. Which one is it, Belikov?"

"Neither, Guardian Hathaway."

"I don't believe you, but that's a different matter to the one we're discussing right now. I want an answer, and I want it to be an honest one. I've never trusted you around my daughter, you see. I don't have Alberta's unfailing belief in you, and I know there is more to your relationship with Rose than anyone knows, so I want an answer, Belikov, and I want it now. Remember, my influence in Court is far greater than yours will ever be, and I can use it to make life very unpleasant for you."

Stiffening at the reminder, I knew what Janine was threatening me with, but scare tactics hadn't worked on me with I was younger and had nothing to lose, and they certainly wouldn't work now that I was older, and had everything to lose. I wasn't going allow her to ruin what we had because she didn't approve.

She didn't understand what we had…she didn't understand what we had gone through to have it.

"With all due respect, Guardian Hathaway, the answer that I've already given you is the only answer you're going to get. You can threaten me all you like, but we both know that right now experienced guardians are hard to come by. The council isn't going to be stupid enough to bench me just to do _you_ a favour."

Stopping abruptly, Janine threw a look over her shoulder full of seething disbelief as she heard the uncompromising edge to my voice. She had used her best bait for the trap, and had expected me to take it, but I wouldn't be intimidated by her, and now she knew that. Narrowing her eyes, the rancour I could see building there told me that she wasn't about to give up that easily.

Turning away without another word, I followed after her at a faster, angrier pace, and braced myself for what would come next. Janine was a formidable guardian, and one that would make a formidable opponent. I wasn't expecting her to give up easily.

"And what about Rose? Are you thinking about _her_ when you're refusing to answer me?"

Pinpointing with unerring accuracy the one thing that I would react to in order to get what she wanted, Janine didn't disappoint. "This doesn't affect Rose."

"Doesn't it? She's come a long way, but she still has a long way to go. She needs to concentrate on her future, which, despite all that she's proven, is in no way set. Can you honestly tell me that she can do that when you're a distraction? Have you given any thought to how it would affect her if this somehow jeopardised her graduating, or her placement with Princess Vasilisa?"

Silent for a moment, Janine seemed to gather herself. "I know you think that I'm hard on her, and I am, but it's because I know how good she already is, and how much better she'll become, but she has to stay focused until she graduates, and she can't do that if her attention is divided."

Glancing over her shoulder, there was a different look now to the tight features of her face. One that wasn't accusatory, but almost desperate. "You know I'm right about this. No matter what you think of me, I am her mother, and I only want what's best for my daughter, Belikov. Can you say the same?"

Turning away, Janine said no more, but she didn't need to…the damage had already been done.

Was she right? Was I being selfish because I was only thinking about what _I_ wanted?

When Father Andrew and Alberta had raised similar concerns about my relationship with Rose, I had listened to them because I knew they had her best interests, and mine, at heart, but I knew that there wasn't anything that either of them said that could influence me, but this was different. This wasn't a church elder, or the Captain of the Guard, this was her mother.

If there was anyone who had her best interests at heart, surely it was Janine?

Right now, there was nothing more important than getting Rose through trials, and graduated. If we continued our relationship, and it was discovered, then _everything_ would be in danger, and nothing else would matter…not everything we had survived, not my decision to be reassigned, not even our commitment to each other.

I had been worried that my perspective had become warped by Rose, and foolish enough to believe that I could control it, but could I? Everything about her, about _us_ , distracted me. How could it be any different for her? What if that distraction become too much for her? What if it _did_ affect her and that cost her something that she would resent me for later?

That was something I couldn't live with, but I also couldn't live with going back to the way we had been before. I couldn't go back to waiting until after graduation to be together, but what choice did I have? The thought of separating myself from Rose felt like a punch to the gut, but the bigger problem was how did I go back to keeping her at arm's length after everything I had just promised her?

Staring blankly at the back of Janine Hathaway's head as I tried to come up with a solution and failed miserably, I wondered numbly if she realised she had won?

The heavy metallic whine of the gates being opened to allow us through did little to focus my attention, but as we carried Alan's body through, the sight of Rose waiting for us made every muscle in my body clench tightly in painful awareness. Dressed for the cold, the long tangles of her hair hung loose over her shoulders and swayed in the light breeze as she stood talking quietly to Emil.

Knowing that I wasn't anywhere near ready to have this conversation with her, I focused instead on the people standing with her, thinking absently that our secret return to the caves hadn't stayed a secret for as long as others wanted it to. Dean Barnes lounged to her right with a few of the other seniors lingering behind them, and a very pale looking Eddie was on her left. He was still a little unsteady on his feet, but he looked considerably stronger than yesterday.

Meeting the relief guardians coming forward to take the stretchers, our dead would be taken to join the others moved to the church, whilst the Strigoi would be taken to join the pile in the woods waiting for the Alchemists. Handing over Alan, Rose walked towards us. I could see how worried she was, and for the time being it overshadowed her anger at being left behind, but with the decision I had just made, that wouldn't last very long.

"Belikov?"

Turning to Janine, the effort in keeping my face neutral tested my discipline to the limit. Viewing me dispassionately, she seemed to know that she had made her point. "You're a good man. I know you'll do what's right."

Walking away before I could reply, she headed straight to intercept Rose as I thought bitterly that there was no need to guilt me into anything. She already had. Turning away whilst the two talked quietly, it would have been better for me to slip away without Rose noticing, but Dustin had other ideas. Ordering the relief guardians not busy with our dead to start transporting the Strigoi, he turned to me.

"The Alchemists are here for the disposal. Why don't you and Emil take the seniors with you? They'll need to learn sooner or later about this part of our world and Alberta doesn't have any problem with it. Talk to them and explain, but don't let them interact with the Alchemist's. You know they're a little spooked at the best of times. Keep them on the fringes, mmm?" Patting my shoulder, he walked off with Gregor before I could argue.

"What does he want us to do?" Frowning, Emil glanced at me. He still didn't look much better than before, but the stark look of despair was slowly starting to fade.

"To take the seniors to watch the Alchemists work."

"So soon? They're not meant to learn about the Alchemists until closer to Trials."

"I don't think he's worried about keeping to a normal syllabus right now, Emil."

"Probably not." Watching as the shrouded figures were carried off, Emil looked around them, and frowned again when he noticed the obvious. "Celeste isn't here." Sighing heavily as I shook my head, he hung his for a second, and repeated a prayer in Romanian.

Leaving me to gather the seniors, he began to herd them towards the woods, but Rose wouldn't move to join them. Her gaze was locked on the stretchers heading towards the church. Having been part of the rescue party, she knew who they were. It made it a more personal sense of loss than if they had been random guardians she had never met.

"Hathaway? Come on."

Turning to Emil's call, Rose jogged over to join the group, but I knew that she kept me in her peripheral vision. Walking slightly behind the group, we were deep within the woods when she started to slow her stride down. With mine being far greater, it wasn't long before we were almost beside each other, and I had no excuse good enough to stop it from happening.

"There wasn't anyone left alive, was there?" She murmured, watching my expression carefully.

"No."

Glancing around, Rose waited until everyone's attention was occupied before she whispered. "What happened to ' _I'll see you after breakfast'_ , and why the hell didn't you tell me you were going back to the cave this morning?"

"It was decided last night, and the novices were left out."

"Why were we left out? We could have helped like yesterday."

"The novices being involved in yesterdays rescue was a one time exception. We needed the numbers then; we didn't need them now."

Frowning at my brusque manner, it would be confusing to her after the way we had parted last night, but she didn't have the chance to question me further as Eddie noticed our conversation and joined us. "Hey, how come none of us knew about this?

"Because apparently we're not needed now." Rose spat out sarcastically to him, but her frown at me had turned into a scowl. It was better that way…anger was better than hurt, and I didn't have any way of avoiding the hurt I was about to cause her.

"Were any of the Strigoi still there?"

Eddie's question was quiet, but I could hear the strain. The others might not need it, but I was going to push for him to see a therapist. "No, Eddie. They had probably fled last night."

"Where are we going now? Guardian Dalca said something about expanding our education."

"You'll see when we get there. It's hard to explain."

Clearing the last patch of dense forest as the upper campus came into view, Emil and the other seniors could be seen on the edges of the woods. Standing partially behind the large Yews and Spruces, Emil glanced back at us and put his index finger to his lips to keep us quiet. Guiding Eddie to a Pine, I pulled Rose into the shadow of a giant Sycamore, but before I could move away from her, she latched onto my arm and kept me with her.

"What's going on, comrade?"

Keeping my eyes forward, I didn't answer at first as I watched the last of the Strigoi dead being piled with the rest. Clearing the area, the guardians retreated to the edges of the forest, but they had left behind another group. This group wasn't made up of guardians, but of another sect altogether, and one that neither Rose, nor any of the students here knew anything about. "You'll soon see."

"I don't mean with this," she persisted, glaring up at me. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing's going on with me, Rose. Look over there, please." I replied, trying to direct her attention in the hopes that she would see what was happening, and stop pushing for a conversation that neither of us was going to enjoy.

"Bullshit! Don't lie to me…you promised. I know something's wrong."

"I don't have time to discuss this now, Rose."

"Why not?!"

Cupping her chin gently, my fingers turned her head towards the gathering as a Strigoi body was dragged from the pile. A few seconds later, yellowish smoke began to sizzle and engulf the length of the body until it was completely encapsulated, then in a series of constricting movements, the cocooning shape shrank to nothing more than a fist-size ball. Dissipating as quickly as it had formed, all that remained of what was once a full-sized Strigoi was a pinch of ash.

Stunned into silence at the sight, Rose stared wide-eyed as I bent to her ear and whispered. "Because the Alchemist's have arrived."


	4. Chapter 4

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Four

"What…what happened to the body?"

Murmuring from the shadow of the Pine, Eddie's hazel eyes were wide and bewildered as he watched a Strigoi being separated from the heap of decay. As another pile of ash joined the first, he stood still in shock, stunned, like Rose, at the sight of discovering something that had never been known, or even thought possible.

When dhampir children began their training at the academies, it was the essential skill sets that were taught first: fighting, defending, and eventually killing. It governed their formative years. Nothing else was considered as important, but as they grew older, and closer to graduation, the direction of their training became less about the physical and more about knowledge.

None of the novices knew this yet. It was far too early in the curriculum for it to even be mentioned, and had it not been for the events of the last two days, that wouldn't have changed, but it had, and the seniors were now about to learn that there was a large part of being a guardian that wasn't just about the ability to protect Moroi.

Protecting the secrecy of our world was just as important.

Humans on the whole didn't ask too many questions about the obvious, and preferred to remain ignorant of our existence, but that didn't mean we could take that ignorance for granted. If we were careless enough to leave behind a trail of staked Strigoi for them to stumble upon, that ignorance would become awareness, and that we simply couldn't afford.

That's where the Alchemists came in.

"What did you call them?"

Glancing down at Rose as she leaned heavily against the Sycamore, her murmured question wasn't any louder than Eddie's had been, but the shock was slowly fading as she started to believe what her eyes were telling her. There wasn't any fear in them, only curiosity as she waited for my reply.

"Alchemists," my lips whispered close to her ear. "They're called Alchemists." Repeating the name quietly to herself, Rose tucked her hair and rested her cheek against the rough bark of the tree to watch as Strigoi after Strigoi disintegrated in a matter of seconds. Absorbed by the process, she inched forward slowly until she was only partially hidden by the trunk, and would have continued had I not put my hand on her shoulder to keep her in place.

Not fighting against it, I pulled her back slightly whilst Eddie snuck across the gap in the trees. Recovering a little slower than Rose, his own curiosity at what he was seeing was enough to overpower any distrust he had. "You said they're called _Alchemists_?" At my nod, his tawny brows plunged towards his nose in a deep frown. "Who are they?"

"A society formed in secret a very long time ago to help protect the existence of our world."

"How long ago?"

"Sometime around the Middle Ages. No one knows the exact date. The original sect started out as actual alchemists, who developed rudimentary chemical compounds. One of them proved useful for the disposal of flesh, and that was then refined to eventually dissolve not just the flesh, but bone, organ and eventually clothing. The Moroi discovered this and convinced them to work with them."

"Is that what they're sprinkling over the bodies? The chemical compound?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"None of us know…it's a closely guarded secret."

Peering closely, Eddie watched the process with intense concentration. Trying, it seemed, to unravel the mystery of that secret; his eyes followed the billowing yellow smoke as it enveloped another body and dissipated into the atmosphere. Focusing on the process at first, he then switched his attention to the men who carried out the disposal.

Dressed for the cold, the three that had arrived kept their collars up, and their long winter coats wrapped tightly around them as they worked quickly. Methodical and precise, there was no hesitation in what they did, or any doubt of what had to be done next, but every now and then a pair of eyes would dart nervously to the outskirts and towards the guardians that stood motionless.

No one approached. The guardians knew better, but that didn't stop the three from watching over their shoulder. They might help us, but they didn't exactly trust us.

"So how does this work exactly?" Eddie asked quietly, turning to me curiously. "We kill the Strigoi, and then call them to clean up? Why? Why don't we just clean up the bodies ourselves afterwards? I mean…we made the mess. It seems a little unfair that someone else is stuck with all the dirty work."

"After an attack. After we've eliminated the threat, what do we do next?" I asked, holding his gaze steadily. "What is more important than anything else?"

Eddie frowned lightly at the question, but he had been too well trained to not answer it. "Remove our Moroi from the situation immediately, and get them to safety at all costs. Never remain in the same place as there is always potential for an ambush…Oh…okay. Right, got it."

Working out for himself why we needed the Alchemists – why we couldn't take the time to stay and dig a hole and bury the evidence ourselves – Eddie turned away to watch them with a new appreciation, understanding that it wasn't just about ridding the world of any trace of the Strigoi, but also keeping their very existence from being known to others.

They didn't just do us a service, but humanity in general.

"Is this what you were talking about last night when you said there was still more to be taught but it had nothing to do with training?" Rose asked quietly, still watching intently. The mass of bodies had dwindled to just a few in a matter of minutes as the ash began to scatter with the light breeze throughout the forest.

"Yes."

"When were we supposed to learn about this?"

"Closer to graduation; after trials, but with everything that's happened, there doesn't seem much point in sticking rigidly to the curriculum. There's more, but it will come later."

Nodding slowly, Rose twirled a strand of hair around her finger and played absently with the end. It wasn't like her to readily accept what I was saying without questioning everything, but for once, she was more interested in learning than she was in arguing.

"Can we meet them, Guardian Belikov? Talk to them? Ask them questions?"

Shaking my head at Eddie's eagerness, his hopeful expression fell to disappointment. "No, Eddie. I'm sorry, but you can't."

"Because we're novices? Is that against the rules?"

"No, Eddie, it's not about any rules. You can't meet them because they're afraid of us."

Shifting against the tree, Rose looked at us over her shoulder with a frown as confused as Eddie's, so I explained. "The history between Moroi, dhampir and Alchemists didn't start out as harmonious. It took a long time to convince them to help us because…well, because they view us as aberrations, basically. Unholy. To them, we aren't natural, and therefore aren't to be trusted. They fear us, because when they look at us they can't see the difference between us and Strigoi."

"That's ridiculous," Eddie complained, his frown shifting from confusion to irritation. "They're dhampir, like us. Maybe they call themselves something different, but we're the same. We don't kill. We're not… _unholy_ ," He almost spat the word. "If we were, none of us would be able to step past the wards, or set foot in a church. Yes, the Moroi drink blood, and are highly sensitive to the sun like Strigoi, and yes, dhampir are preternaturally strong like Strigoi, but that's where the similarities end. How can they not see that? Why fear us?"

"Because we're not the same. They aren't dhampir…they're human."

Feeling my lips curve upward in a secret smile of approval at her answer, I shouldn't have been surprised that Rose would have picked up on it so quickly. The two years that she and Lissa had spent on the run had given her the ability to tell them apart in a way her peers couldn't, and that included Eddie, who had wrongly assumed they were dhampir. It was why, once she had overcome the initial shock, she had been so readily accepting.

"They're _human_?!"

Snorting at Eddie's disbelief, Rose reached out to pat his shoulder in a way that stopped just short of condescension. "Yes, Eddie, they're human." Throwing her an agitated look, it was clear he was having a hard time believing what his mind was trying to tell him.

"How come you're not freaked out by this?"

"Because even to my brain it makes sense. Strigoi have outnumbered us 10 to 1for centuries. There's no way that that we could have managed to keep everything a secret for so long without help from the very people we were hiding from. They don't want our world exposed any more than we do, so they look at us as the safer choice, Eddie. The lesser of two evils." Laughing softly to herself, Rose shook her head in self-deprecation. "Should of thought of it sooner, actually."

Finding me over his shoulder, I nodded to confirm because I couldn't have explained it better. Rose understood it perfectly. Leaning heavily against the Sycamore, Eddie rubbed at his temples. He was paler than before and suddenly looked very tired.

"Are you all right, Eddie?"

"I'm fine, Guardian Belikov. Shock, I think."

"You're not fine," Rose grumbled. "And it's got nothing to do with shock. I told you the walk to the front gate was too much. You haven't fully recovered yet." Turning the palm of her hand from a pat to a comforting squeeze, her concern was obvious.

Looking sheepish, Eddie grimaced. "I know. I just couldn't sit around anymore doing nothing. I feel so useless."

"You're not useless, Eddie. No one thinks that, but you do look very tired. You shouldn't push yourself by staying out in the cold. They've almost finished anyway." Nodding towards the Alchemists, the three stood over the last of the Strigoi as it fizzled away into nothingness.

Joined seconds later by Gregor, he had a quiet word with them, but the trio shook their heads quickly whilst keeping a watchful eye as the guardians on the perimeter approached them. Their job was complete; they weren't going to stay any longer then they needed to. Catching my eye, Emil waved us over as he started for the group with the other novices, but stopped as Gregor scowled warningly and subtly shook his head.

Knowing why, and wise enough not to argue, Emil veered instead towards the thick of the forest and took the seniors with him. Following after at a slower pace for Eddie, he and Rose talked quietly between themselves with the occasional question being asked of me. Joined by Dean, who had lagged behind to join the conversation, his opinion was far louder as he argued with the pair.

"You're barking, Hathaway. They can't be human. Humans don't know anything about Moroi, or Strigoi, or us. They have to be dhampir."

"I'm not barking, Barnes." Glaring, Rose kept her arm threaded loosely through Eddie's as they walked but Dean got the message and backed away a little. "I know the difference between us and them, and they are not dhampir. Didn't Guardian Dalca tell you that?"

"No, he said we would learn more about them later, but nothing about them being human. You have to be wrong."

"I'm not."

"Guardian Belikov?" Casting an exasperated look at me, Dean searched for corroboration whilst Rose scoffed and shook her head in irritation that he wouldn't believe her. She shouldn't have expected him to accept it so readily. What she knew of the world outside of the academies, very few of the others did.

"Rose is right, Dean. They are human."

Still disbelieving, he continued to argue as the forest began to thin and the dorms could be seen in the distance. Annoying not only Rose with his stubbornness, but Eddie as well, the quiet disagreement soon grew heated, but instead of jumping in as I had expected, Rose seemed to deliberately stoke the argument so that as she slowed down and dropped behind, the pair didn't notice and kept walking.

Sidestepping a felled yew, she wove between the trees to the right and deeper into shadow. Following her through those same shadows a few moments later, I kept a watchful eye on the others, but they had already disappeared from sight by the time I had reached her side.

Reaching for my hand, her slender fingers weaved through my own; squeezing tightly. I could feel the tension in that simple gesture. Anger was what I had expected to see, but all I could see was confusion, and it had nothing to do with the Alchemists. "What's going on, Dimitri? What happened this morning? Was it the cave? Finding the bodies? Did something else happen?"

"Nothing unexpected happened in the caves, Roza. Don't let that worry you." Squeezing back in reassurance, my lips coasted along her forehead and down to her eyebrows before ending in a light kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Good." Releasing a tight breath, Rose closed her eyes briefly before resting against me. "You freaked me out earlier, comrade." Feeling the tension disappear as her body relaxed against mine, I hugged her tightly to my chest, and murmured into her hair.

"But…"

Seeming to hear a wealth of hidden meaning in that one little word, Rose pulled slightly away with a puzzled frown. "But _what_?"

"There is something that we need to talk about." Stroking the backs of my fingers along the cool length of her cheek, the fingertips turned to rub along her jawbone. Angling towards them, Rose nodded easily before closing her eyes briefly, but when she opened them again, the absolute trust I could see in them made me doubt myself for a second.

What I was about to say would catch Rose completely off guard, and she wouldn't handle it well. How could I expect her to after everything that been said and done last night? She wouldn't know the reason for it, and even if she did, it would still anger her. That part of it was to be expected and was something I could easily deal with, but the hurt it would cause wasn't, and it made me hesitate.

There was no way to soften the blow…no way to make what I was about to do more palatable, and I very much wanted to do that, but I couldn't see a way avoid it when I had to remain focused on the larger picture. Janine had been right about one thing as she cruelly yanked me from my euphoria. Nothing right now, especially in light of what had just happened, was more important than making sure that Rose graduated.

So doubt or not, this had to be said, even if the pain it created was mine as well.

"Do you remember what we talked about in the forest? Before we left for the caves?"

"Ahh…yeah. We talked about the wards being broken by those idiot Royals, the reading you had from Rhonda, us, your decision to ask to be reassigned…wait," Rose cupped my face, tipping it downwards. She had known how difficult it had been for me and I could see the worry. "Have you changed your mind about that?"

"No. No. I haven't changed my mind. I still think it's the best way, the _only_ way we can do our duty and still be together...and that's the part that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Duty?"

"No, Rose. Being together."

Brow crinkling in confusion, the hands that had been cradling my jaw slide slowly down to rest on my shoulders, her thumbs stroking lightly over my neck. "I thought we had talked about this before? We're together; we just have to be careful. What part of that conversation do you want to talk about now?"

"The part where we stay away from each other until after you graduate."

Scowling suddenly, Rose dropped her hands to fold her arms over her chest in a movement that was part defensive, and wholly angry. "We already decided not to do that, remember? The cabin last night…you said that after everything we had already survived, that staying away from each other wasn't going to be possible, so why are we talking about this now?"

"Because you don't seem to realise how dangerous this is for you, and it's something we need to seriously discuss."

"How is it dangerous if we're careful? And why is it suddenly so important now when last night you couldn't keep your hands off me? What the hell is going on with you?!" Expression changing suddenly, her cheeks began to flush angrily whilst her eyes narrowed and her mind came to the only conclusion it could.

"Janine." The word was almost spat. "What did she say to you?"

For a moment, I was very tempted to repeat every word said between Janine and I. There was a part of me, a very large, very spiteful part that wanted to blame her mother for all of this, to villainise her for the role she had played, but I couldn't do it. The relationship between the two was already so strained that I didn't want to be responsible for completely ripping it apart and that was a kindness in itself that Janine Hathaway didn't deserve.

"This has nothing to do with your mother, Rose."

"That's crap!" She exploded, her entire frame seeming to vibrate with fury at the emotionless distance she could hear in my voice, see in my posture. She had no idea what it was costing me to control every nuance of emotion…to keep myself from reaching out to her, wrap her in my arms and never let her go. Did she think I wanted it to be this way? Did she think it would any easier to stay away from her than she thought it would be to say away from me?

"You were talking at the gate," Rose raged on. "I saw you. It can't be a co-incidence that you two decide to have a chat and suddenly you've changed your mind about every decision we've made."

"It's not every decision; only one. You're over-reacting, and you know it. You need to calm down. After graduation, we can have everything we want, everything we've discussed, but before then…there's too much risk involved, Rose." Reaching out, my hands rested lightly on her shoulders and gently manipulated the bunched muscles, ordering myself to keep the touch light.

Barely stopping herself from shrugging out beneath my hands, Rose ignored my advice and spoke very slowly through compressed lips. "If you won't tell me what she said, then that's fine. I'll just go and ask her myself. Only it won't be politely, and it won't be quietly, and then we'll all have a lot more to worry about."

Too angry to see reason, if Rose confronted her mother now, when she was more than likely surrounded by people who knew nothing about us, it could be disastrous, and so I had no choice but to tell her a little of what had been said between us. "She reminded me that there isn't anything more important than getting you through trials and onto graduation, and she's right. Being involved right now is a distraction."

"She doesn't know about us, so how can she have any opinion on it!"

"She knows enough."

"She knows nothing!" Raking her hands through her hair, Rose swung away. Breathing deeply and making an effort to calm herself when she realised that anger wasn't getting her anywhere, Rose instead tried to reason as she walked back to me and rested the flat of her palms on my chest. "Listen to me. Janine is manipulating you. She's playing on your conscious to get what she wants, but this is not what you want or what I want."

"It's not about what either of us want's, Rose. It's about doing the right thing. It's about what's best for you."

" _You_ are what's best for me. She doesn't know that, but you do."

"She might not, but she's still your mother and despite what you think, she does love you. That's not something I can ignore."

"You were fine with ignoring it before."

"I wasn't thinking about it before and I should have been."

"So that's it?!" Dropping her hands and pulling away, Rose scoffed angrily. "You're going to let someone who _barely_ knows me inside your head to mess up everything? This is a woman who I have seen more in the last six months of my life than in the seventeen years before it, and you think listening to her is a good idea?! "

"It's for the best, Rose." I repeated, hoping to convince not only her, but myself as well.

"Arghhhhh!" Frustration mounting, Rose glared. "You keep saying that, but it's not for the best. What do you think _this_ will do to me, Dimitri? To _us_? You keep saying that us being together will be a distraction, but being apart will be worse! I'm not a child, and I'm tired of all of you treating me like I am. I know what I'm capable of handling."

"I don't doubt that you can handle yourself, and we won't be apart; we just can't be together. It's only for a little while." My voice was calm and certain as I said this, but as the words were spoken, I felt them settle into the pit of my stomach like something that was indigestible.

"Yeah, you keep saying that to, but what happens after I graduate, and people still aren't happy about us? What happens when the Moroi or the Council questions our relationship? Are you going to let them come between us then, like you've just done now?"

"There's nothing between us, Rose."

"Oh, yes there is, and it's not just Janine Hathaway." Sighing heavily, Rose shook her head unhappily as the anger and frustration seemed to drain away, leaving her defeated in a way I had never seen before. "If you can't take a stand for our relationship now, Dimitri, against someone who doesn't even know for sure if we actually have one, then how are we going to survive when the whole of our world knows?"

Unable to answer right away against the tight restriction in my throat, the hurt I could see made the hands clenched at my sides shake. It wasn't just pain that I could see, but betrayal. It was almost more than I could handle to see, but nothing in comparison to what I would see if this affected her future.

"I'm sorry, but my mind is made up."

"Yeah," Scoffing quietly to herself, she sniffed and chocked out a humourless laugh. "And that's the problem, isn't it? You've made it without even asking me what I _want_. What I _think_ , so really, what is the point in continuing our relationship now, or even later, when it's one-sided, comrade?"

"Roza…"

"Don't _Roza_ me!" Glaring, Rose jerked away from my reaching hand as her anger rebounded, all but blind to the torment that I couldn't help from showing on my face. Her eyes were bright with fury, but also with the glistening of frustrated tears she refused to let fall.

Hating myself for causing them, it still wasn't enough to change the decision I had made and it must have shown. Nodding just once, Rose said nothing more as she spun on her heel and weaved quickly through the trees, disappearing into the forest.

"I'm sorry." Murmuring in the quiet of the forest, the faint echo was the only answer I got. Swearing viciously in Russian, I exhaled raggedly, closing my eyes as I pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger and tried to control the panic twisting at my stomach.

Rationally I knew that Rose wasn't serious about ending things. It was her heart talking, not her head, but she was so angry that it would take her a long time to see that…to forgive me. Admittedly, I could have handled this better, but I just didn't know of any way to do that. I couldn't have spared her the anger, and I couldn't have spared her the pain.

Janine had seen to that.

Rubbing a wary hand over my chest, the ache around the flesh of my heart didn't just feel like loss, but an accusation, and as I followed at a slower pace along the same path that Rose had just used to leave me, I couldn't help but wonder if it knew something that my head didn't.

A/n: I LOVE how passionate the reviews for Ch. 3 were, and how involved you all are. Anytime I get reactions like that, I know that I'm heading in the right direction. Even if that direction isn't where any of you think I should be going, but stick with me. There is method to my madness, I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Okay, okay, I hear you.

I love Dimitri as a character. He has strength, sensitivity and wisdom, but like all strong, sensitive and wise men, he has one fatal flaw….he thinks he knows what's best. And that is never more evident than with the judgement calls he makes about the girl he loves.

As always, thank you for your reviews and I'm sorry that I can't post the chapter's any faster.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Five

Sombre choral music rose hauntingly throughout the candle-lit church as dusk settled over the academy grounds.

Rising to the pulpit to begin the memorial service for those we had lost, Father Andrew set down his Bible with a heavy sigh whilst the strains of the choir-strung melody faded. Pale and withdrawn, the resplendence of his robes couldn't disguise the tremendous stress he had been under since the attack as he dealt with so many dead, whilst also trying to reassure so many of the living.

It was with a heavy heart and weary soul that he now looked out over his congregation…or at least, what was left of his congregation.

As predicted, in the two days since the disposal of the Strigoi dead by the Alchemists , there had been a mass exodus of students by panicked parents. It had been the Royals who had been evacuated first, but the rest had followed quickly after. The Council had gone on the offensive almost immediately after the attack by reassuring the Moroi that the security glitch had been found, fixed and wouldn't be repeated, but they hadn't been interested in listening.

Damage control wasn't of much use after the damage had already been done.

Only a handful of students still remained. It wouldn't stay that way of course. Over time, faith in the academy's ability to protect would return, and so to would the students, but for now, not many of the parents were willing to take that risk, and so for once, the dhampir outnumbered the Moroi.

Most of the teachers had remained, loyal to their students and the Academy, but there were a few who had refused to remain, including Henry Ellsworth. Granted a leave of absence to recuperate from his ordeal in the cave, he and the other four had left midday yesterday, but with so few students, their absence was hardly noticeably.

Seated now on pews that were far from full and amongst visiting guardians, students and novices, there was no clear divide amongst anyone in the church as there might have been before. The collective sense of grief had broken all social boundaries and forced everyone together as they paid their final respects to those who had lost their lives.

Most of the dead had already been collected by family members and flown out for private burials. For those who had chosen through their last living request to remain within Academy grounds, they had been buried earlier in the small cemetery adjoining the church. Father Andrew had presided over the small funeral service as we said our final goodbyes before returning to our duties.

Regular classes hadn't begun yet for the students, but once the memorial was concluded, some sense of normalcy would settle over the school and the regular routine would begin again. Still on a day schedule, the curfew was still in place, and would likely remain that way for a while. The council would be the ones to decide on when it would change, but right now, they had bigger issues to deal with.

It was why there were senior members of the council in this church right now.

Seated amongst the mourners, they had arrived just after breakfast to begin the investigation into how the wards had been breached, the extent of the attack, and why the rescue had taken place without any authorisation. Hans Croft wasn't amongst them, which should have been good news, but the four he had sent in his stead looked no less intimidating.

The Moroi were demanding answers, and these four were going to get them one way or another.

Respecting at least that there was a time and place for everything, they hadn't begun what was going to be nothing short of an outright interrogation yet, but we had already been told that once the marking ceremony was complete, every guardian within the grounds was expected to sit before them and give a recorded testimony on the events leading up to the attack and what had happened after.

The witch hunt, as Dustin had so accurately called it this morning, would begin shortly.

As Captain of the Guard, Alberta was the one with the largest target on her back, but none of us were entirely safe. Every decision would be questioned. Every answer would be pulled apart and attacked as the blame game began. Those found guilty of any kind of dereliction of duty would in all likelihood be punished severely, but Alberta would want to shoulder the brunt of the responsibility to spare the rest of us from any backlash.

She was our leader, and as such, it was expected of her. She wanted to protect us, but that didn't mean that collectively, we didn't want to do the same for her.

Discussing amongst ourselves during the moments when our paths crossed during duty or meals, the general consensus of the guardians was that we would do everything we could to shield her. It wasn't just a matter of getting our stories to match – we couldn't, we all had different versions of the attack and the rescue – but what we all did agree to, was that every decision she had made was one that we would have made ourselves if we were in the same situation.

Looking for her shortly before dawn this morning to tell her this, she had been sitting alone in the glass-enclosed patio abutting our meeting room when I had eventually found her. Quiet and preoccupied, I had sat with her in silence for a long time before she had finally spoken about how the day would proceed in a toneless monologue.

The emotionless dialogue had bothered me at first because I had thought it was some sort of delayed shock, but I had quickly realised that I was an outlet that she desperately needed after everything that had happened after the past two days…and for everything that she knew was still to come.

In addition to having to deal with the logistics, her life hadn't been made any easier with having to face grieving parents and furious family members. As headmistress of the school, it should have been Kirova's job to handle PR, but she had buckled beneath the pressure early on and hid behind Alberta's strength ever since.

But as strong as Alberta was, she herself, would eventually buckle.

Sitting with her for as long as I could before my shift had begun, we hadn't spoken much once her monologue had ended, but I had managed to tell her about our decision. Nodding once, there hadn't been much reaction as she stood to leave, but I had hoped that it was enough to offer her some sense of solidarity, even long after she had left me siting there.

Gazing out through the long glass panes in the moments I had left, the first signs of spring had already begun to break through winter's icy grip. Far warmer, the wild grass was already beginning to bloom and bare-limbed trees were sprouting new shoots. It was still cold enough for light winter wear, but I didn't think it would last for too much longer.

The land was at last beginning to thaw, but Rose wasn't.

With the field experience suspended and training only resuming once class schedules had returned to normal, it had been suggested by Dustin that the senior novices with the most combat experience be paired with guardians until then. Those who protected Moroi would act as far guards, whilst the others would rotate into shift for boundary and campus control.

He had pointed out the practical experience of it would provide as good an opportunity as the field experience, and that right now the Academy needed the additional security. Once the replacements arrived, their involvement could be reassessed.

Already distracted by the organisational nightmare she was about to face, Alberta hadn't bothered to argue and had rostered the pairings without giving it much thought. Eddie was paired with Stan, the West twins were paired with Emil and Konrad, Meredith was with Stephen, Dean was with Mateo, and I was paired with…Rose.

Having deliberately stayed away from her during the afternoon and the evening that had followed our stand off in the forest, being paired with her now wasn't what I wanted. Under any other circumstance it would have been, but I knew that Rose was still angry…fuming actually, and wouldn't have calmed down enough to listen to me, let alone stand being partnered with me.

Wanting to argue against it, I had taken one look at Alberta's exhausted expression and instead kept my mouth shut. She couldn't have known what had happened between Rose and I the day before, and even if she did, she would say that it was only confirming her worst fears, so I accepted it without question and prepared myself for what I was about to face.

Finding her in the corridor outside the main dining hall just after breakfast, the determination to stand by my decision had been firm…until I had seen her.

Facing away from me, it had been Lissa who had spotted and pointed me out. Watching as every line in her body had gone rigid at the mention of my name, Rose had turned slowly towards me with careful control, but she couldn't hide the pain in her eyes quickly enough before it was masked by a glare that wasn't just angry, but full of disdain and betrayal.

Feeling the binding of emotion I had kept so tightly coiled within me unfurl at that look, the loathing I felt for myself for hurting her was strong enough in that moment to overpower any decision I had made…almost.

Having already spent a restless night questioning everything I had said and done, by dawn I had come to the conclusion that I had ultimately made the right decision. That didn't mean that I didn't have more regrets than I could in good conscious count. Causing Rose pain had been the greatest, but there were also others. Because of my decision, we would be apart emotionally, if not physically for a long time, and that in itself would be agony. I also could have handled her reaction better, but at the end of the day, the outcome would have been the same.

Despite what she had said about Janine manipulating me.

Thinking about it long and hard during that sleepless night, I had admitted to myself that Janine had used me to prove a point, but that wasn't the same thing as manipulating. Rose couldn't see that because of the complicated history with her mother, but she would eventually. That being said, Janine wasn't completely without fault, and still deserved her daughter's low opinion of her.

At the moment, it matched her low opinion of me.

There had been one other thing that had kept me up: Rose's angry accusation that if I wasn't prepared to stand up for our relationship now, to one person who hadn't really known anything for sure, then what was I going to do when the rest of our world knew later and was against us?

At the time, I hadn't answered because I couldn't, but as I stared up at a dark ceiling and thought about it, what I should have said was that right now, I couldn't stand up for us at all, no matter who it was that knew. Before she graduated, no one could know for sure, and if I defended our relationship to anyone for any reason, they would know for sure that there was one. I knew that she expected me to, and the expectation probably wasn't unreasonable, but to hear her voice her doubts about us still hurt.

Did she think I didn't want to? Did she think that our relationship meant less to me than it did to her? Did she think that I was doing this for my benefit when all that mattered to me was hers? I wasn't, which was why it didn't matter what I saw, or heard or felt right now. I couldn't change my mind on the decision I had made.

Joining them, Lissa had smiled in the kind of gentle, affectionate welcome I was accustomed to around her. Seeing no hint of reproach from her, it was obvious that Rose hadn't confided in her about our argument, but I hadn't really expected her to. If Rose hadn't been prepared to tell her about us when we hadn't been fighting, I shouldn't have expected her to when we were. Talking quietly to Lissa for a few minutes, Rose had kept quiet, but I could hear the irritation in the silence and decided to tell her about the field experience being suspended before she decided to voice it.

Surprised, but accepting the pairing easily enough, it was only sheer discipline that kept the surprise off my face. Cautiously optimistic that Rose was at least going to make an effort of being civil for the sake of a successful guarding partnership, I quickly realised that the effort was only an act for Lissa's benefit. As soon as we walked away to being our patrol of the upper campus, the person beside me…the girl I loved, turned into a coldly polite stranger.

Anger was what I had been expecting. Anger I was prepared for because I understood it and knew how to deal with it, but what I got was anything but, and it was far, far worse as it became clear that Rose had moved beyond anger to a place where I couldn't reach her. Rose was a creature of singular emotions. If she was angry, she plotted; if she was hurt, she retaliated, but once she had, she would return to normal and never bore a grudge.

That wasn't the case now.

As the day wore on into afternoon, it became more than clear that I had created a rift between us. Speaking to me only when it was absolutely necessary, the frigid animosity disguised as obedience was so out of character for her that I didn't know what to make of it or how to deal with her. She was punishing me of course, that much was obvious, and whilst it was understandable, her frosty, monosyllabic compliance was beginning to wear away at nerves that were already so tautly strung they were about to snap.

By the time dinner had been served, I had been ready to strangle anyone who got close enough to annoy me and was actually glad when the first warning bell of curfew rang, and the seniors on duty left with the other students for their dorms. Spending another restless night trying to sleep and failing miserably as I was tormented not by my actions this time, but now by their consequences, I had hoped that it would be better in the morning.

It was a hope that I shouldn't have wasted my time on.

Meeting again after breakfast, if at all possible, Rose with even more hostile than the day before, except now there was an added element of disdainful mockery every time she opened her mouth. Having reached the end of my patience just after lunch, I had pulled her aside in a shadowed alcove and demanded that she stopped behaving like a child.

Smiling in a way that seemed more like a snarl, Rose had sweetly informed me that as I had made a decision that affected both of us without bothering to ask her about it first, then she was going to return the favour by not giving me a say in how long she was going to behave like a child.

Having no answer to her sarcasm that wouldn't end in another fight, the rest of the afternoon's patrol had been conducted in stony silence until we had parted. It wasn't until just over an hour ago as we met walking into the church that the antagonism had been broken, and that was only because she had been with Lissa, Christian and Eddie.

Finding her easily from the back of the church now, she sat with Lissa on a pew to the left and three rows from the front. Hair tightly braided into a tucked fishtail, the nape of her neck was exposed for the _Zvezda_ she would receive after the memorial ceremony.

Leaning towards her now, Lissa's hair matched, but wasn't as severely restrained as she rested her head in the crook of Rose's neck. Turning towards her slightly, Rose rested her ear on the blonde hair in a show of comfort. More subdued than yesterday, it was more than just the memorial that had exhausted her. The strain of healing so many seemed to have prematurely aged Lissa. There were no physical sign of it, but it had notably affected her usual effervescence.

Surreptitiously watching Rose since our partnering, I had been looking for any side-effects from Lissa's Spirit healing, but there been none that I could find. It seemed as though when she was using it for something positive, the side-effects were negligible, whilst the opposite could be said when using it for something darker. Rose seemed fully aware of this, but was still concerned about her and had asked that Christian keep a closer eye on her than normal.

Sitting at Lissa's right, he kept a protective arm around her slender shoulders; his fingers flexing ever so slightly every now and then to apply gentle pressure to her arm before he would glance at her with a small frown pulling between his black eyebrows. Equally concerned was Eddie, who sat at Christian's right. Fully recovered, he had been eager to return to any kind of duty once Dr. Olendzki had cleared him, even if it meant that he was placed with Stan and no longer with Lissa.

The other seniors weren't as enthusiastic as Eddie, but they were more willing to do their duty as the gravity of what it truly meant to be a guardian now sunk in. Mostly sitting in the pew behind, some of them had crammed in to the left of Rose. Samantha and Nathan, Dean and Meredith, but none of them sat directly beside her. That place had already been taken by someone who understood nothing of duty, but wasn't one to waste an opportunity when he saw it.

Adrian Ivashkov.

I had warned Rose days ago that if I was careless enough to hand him any advantage he would use it…and he hadn't disappointed. Somehow knowing that there was strife between us, he had capitalized on my absences between patrols without hesitation and with such ruthless dedication that had it been anyone else he had focused on, I might have congratulated him.

But it wasn't anyone; it was Rose… _my_ Rose.

Part of me had been worried at first that she would use him as a way to punish me. That she would make good on the threat she had made in the forest, but almost as quickly I had dismissed it. No matter how angry she was, she wouldn't do that to me...that didn't mean that I liked him whispering to her or that he was leaning towards her to do it, but I trusted her.

Refocusing on Father Andrew with difficulty, I listened with only half an ear to him as he eulogised the dead, but it was a whisper at my side that caught at my attention.

"Did you know her twin was identical?"

Turning to Stan, his pugnacious face was set in a deep frown; his gaze fixed on a woman sitting to the right of the church. With her head slightly bowed, the candlelight flickered over her features…features that were eerily familiar.

When we had been told that Cybil, Celeste's only living relative, would be the one arriving to take back what little we could salvage of her remains in order to return it to the family burial plot in Europe, we had been known she was a twin, but what we hadn't known was that she was an _identical twin_. To say that seeing Cybil walking into housing this morning had been a shock was something of an understatement.

"No. She mentioned that Cybil had been a twin, but nothing more. I suppose none of us bothered to ask if she was an identical twin."

"We should have. Maybe it would have helped when we saw her."

"Do you really think it would have?"

Twisting his mouth wryly at my question, Stan didn't answer as the priest closed the ceremony with a prayer that was solemnly echoed throughout the church and followed by a moment of silence. Leaving the pulpit, he mingled with those at the front whilst the general murmur of conversation grew louder as people began to rise.

Many of the mourners would stay the night in guest housing, but a few would leave immediately. One of those staying was Janine Hathaway.

Having learnt yesterday that she had requested additional leave to stay for not only the memorial, but also the marking ceremony, the news hadn't helped to improve my mood. Giving her as wide a birth as I could, it had worked for the most part but she couldn't be avoided altogether. As if knowing that I was thinking about her, Janine turned from the group of guardians she stood with to find me across the room. Pinning me with a look of pure spite, her eyes flickered briefly to her daughter before they swung harshly back to me.

I had wondered if Rose would have confronted her mother, and judging by the look of accusation on Janine's face, she obviously had.

Breaking eye-contact dismissively, I moved around the chapel with Stan and wove through the sparse crowed as they began to disperse, talking to those who we knew. Walking towards us as the chapel began to empty, Stephen had Cybil with him. Thanking us for her sister's remains, we tried to persuade her to stay for dinner, but she refused, anxious to return to Croatia.

Walking her out of the church, she, Stan and Stephen spoke quietly amongst themselves on the steps whilst I stood on the fringe and made a few non-committal sounds, but my attention was focused on Rose. Still within the hallowed sanctity, she and the Lissa spoke to Father Andrew whilst Christian and Eddie spoke to an elderly Moroi man I didn't recognise and Adrian hovered between the two groups.

Not exactly crowding her, he was still standing close enough to make my blood boil. Slinging a casual arm over her shoulder, she stiffened under it, sent him a side glance, but didn't shrug it off as I had expected her to. Grinding my teeth together as Father Andrew looked at them curiously, Rose side-stepped him deliberately and looped her arm through Lissa's as the others joined.

"Thank you, Dimitri…again."

Bringing myself back into focus, I took Cybil's hand and shook it gently. "Of course, Cybil. And again, my sincerest condolences on your loss. Celeste was an amazingly dedicated guardian. She'll be missed by everyone." Murmuring their agreement, Stan and Stephen passed on their sympathies again as the priest and walked towards us. Gently clasping her hands, they two of them spoke quietly on the side for a few moments whilst mourners moved past them.

Grabbing the seniors as they left the chapel, Stephen started to collect them on the path leading to guardian housing. Eddie joined the growing group whilst Lissa hugged Rose tightly before whispering something in her ear. Grinning and nodding quickly, she jogged down the stairs, but was blocked by Adrian who also hugged her.

Lissa's hug had been affectionate; Adrian's was anything but, and the comparison set my teeth on edge.

Extricating herself from his clinging arms, she arched a brow before pulling away. Grinning at her, his dark green eyes twinkled mischievously as he winked and sunk his hands the pockets of his dark denims as he watched her join the others before they started their walk towards housing through. Turning to face me as Lissa quietly called his name; the grin he still wore turned into a smug smirk before he turned away and followed after her and Christian.

Grinding my teeth together, the look on my face gave Stan reason to pause, take a step back and frown in concern. Shaking off the avid bloodlust, I forced a lighter look as we trailed after the seniors traveling along the illuminated footpath. Night had settled fully over the grounds by the time the memorial had ended, and as we heard the first bell of curfew sound shrilly through the speakers, those who were still milling around scattered as we opened the lobby doors of housing.

Like the marking ceremony held earlier in the year, the meeting room was used again and had been converted with chairs circling the room and a single chair in the centre. Leon had already prepared the ink by the time we had walked in. Seating the novices to the right, it would be the guardians who would have their marks made first.

One after another we had our marks indelibly etched into our skin; some with _Molnija_ and others with a _Zvezda_. When Leon had finished with the last, he called up the first of the seniors. Starting with the West twins, he moved onto Dean, then Meredith, Ryan and then Eddie. All receiving _Molnija_ marks for the first time, it was Rose that was the odd one out and who waited silently on the side-lines.

Already marked with two, she wouldn't receive another _Molnija_ today, but would receive her first _Zvezda_. Resembling a multi-crossed star, the mark was a representation of too many kills to ink by using the _Molnija_ and was very rarely given to any dhampir this young, let alone one that hadn't yet graduated and didn't have the _Promise_ mark.

Called up by Alberta, Rose sat and bowed her head as Leon began the etching into the nape of her neck. As with the earlier ceremony, it felt as though every needle-prick of pain was on my own skin and amplified the misery I felt at not being able to share this with her. When she had been marked after Spokane, I had kept myself mostly apart from her for an obvious reason, but that reason no longer applied now. I should have been able to congratulate her properly…to tell her proud I was of her, but I couldn't now because celebrating with me would be the last thing she wanted.

Completing the last intricate inscription of the tattoo, Leon checked his work before smiling and patting Rose gently on the shoulder. "You're all done, Rose. Congratulations."

Smiling in thanks over her shoulder, Rose stood and returned to her seat. Smiling at their congratulations, it was Eddie who made the most fuss over her as he hugged her tightly. Peering over his shoulder at his mark, she teased him that it was about time, and he flushed a little before laughing with her.

Closing the ceremony, Alberta stood and motioned for Gregor to join her as he prepared to say a short prayer. Our private service earlier had included this, but Alberta had felt that it was appropriate for the seniors to be included in one as part of the marking ceremony. It was a nice gesture, and one that she didn't actually need to do.

Leading the tribute, Gregor's deep baritone was smooth and detached, but as he began to mention by name each of those we had lost, the even timber shook more than once as emotion caught at it. For a man not known for any emotional displays, the grief he was expressing was raw and powerful, and affected everyone in the room.

Watching Rose carefully as she stood beside Eddie, the tremble of emotion she could usually so easily control was in plain sight of any and all who wanted to see it. I knew better than the others that it wasn't just that she was caught up in the moment of sorrow, but because of the pain I was causing her. As she looked up and found my eye, the open vulnerability of that hurt me more than I could stomach.

Forgetting in that moment that I was irritated by her behaviour, I promised myself that I would speak to her before she left. I couldn't change how things were between us, and I couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't still be angry afterwards, but I couldn't leave her alone in this, not when my love for her demanded that I do everything I could to give her comfort.

Ending the prayer sombrely with a murmured _Amen_ that was echoed around the room, Gregor made way for Alberta who seemed to make an effort in lightening the mood. "Okay, everyone. I think we've all had enough of dealing with the dead, so let's celebrate a little with the living." Smiling warmly at the seniors, she held out her hand. "Let's celebrate with our novices, who have earned their marks and our respect for having the strength to survive, and the forethought to remember everything that we've taught them so far… to our novices."

Clapping them on, we all joined in the applause as the stunned seniors looked on. Moving forward to congratulate them, the guardians and the novices mingled as tentative hugs and warm praise was handed out. Caught on the outside with Eddie and Dean, they were almost high on the euphoria of the admiration they were receiving, and whilst I wanted to continue it, I wanted to get to Rose more.

Standing next to Stan, his hug was awkward, but Rose seemed to recovery quickly and thanked him sincerely as he let her go. Immediately swept into another embrace by Alberta, this one was more natural as she was affectionately teased. Passing her onto Emil next, Rose hugged him for a second longer. Surprised by it, he laughed it off, but I knew why she had done it. Even in the midst of her own gloom, she had still remembered what I had told her about Maia.

Feeling almost desperate now to get to her, there was one more obstacle in my way: Janine Hathaway.

Stiffening as her mother swept past everyone, her low murmur of congratulations and the hug that followed was allowed by Rose, but it was another act. Detangling herself from her mother, she nodded once before moving off and didn't see the look of rejection on her mother's weathered features. Hardening myself against her pain, I skirted the others until I had a clear path to Rose, but as I crossed over the open doorway, a soft voice called out to me.

"Dimitri?"

Turning towards it, all I had time to see was the tall, slender length of a woman with billowing black curls fly towards me before she launched herself and I was forced to catch her. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pressed herself closely to me and breathed anxiously into my ear. "I was so worried, Dimitri."

Pulling away slightly, though I knew already who it was, I found the bright blue eyes of an Ozera staring moistly back into my own.

"Tasha?"

Smiling tremulously, she nodded before tightening her arms around my neck and burying her head against my neck as I felt the anxiety leave her body…and flow straight into mine. Finding Rose over the top of her head, any vulnerability that might have been there was gone in an instant. In its place was jealous outrage, and it made me realise that whatever hell Rose might have given me over the past two days was nothing in comparison to what I was going to get from her for this.


	6. Chapter 6

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Happy New Year, everyone!

As promised, the continuation of ACOTS. Thank you for all your patience, understanding and loyalty to the story whilst it was on hiatus. As always, enjoy.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Six

"Dimitri."

Clinging tightly to my neck, Tasha murmured my name against the skin. Fine tremors shimmied throughout her body at the relief of finding me in one piece, but I couldn't fully appreciate her concern or return her embrace…not when all my attention was centred on Rose.

Furious at the sight of Tasha in my arms, the air around her seemed to shimmer as she fumed in the kind of silent rage that she was helpless to do anything about. The kind that would have only made her angrier. She knew better, or she should have known better, than to react to this, but jealousy wasn't an emotion easily controlled or rationally understood.

I could testify to that.

It also didn't help that I had given Rose every reason _to_ be jealous of Tasha.

During my bid late last year to prove that I could walk away from her, it had been Tasha that I had used as a handy substitute. I knew from the start that no one could replace Rose, and that what I felt for her wasn't anything simple or transient, but I had been desperate enough to try anyway. It had been a stupid decision, but worse, it had also been selfish. I had encouraged Tasha when I knew that I didn't feel the same, hurting not only her in the process but also the girl I loved.

Having done the same with Mason, Rose had understood why I had done it. She hadn't been any happier with me than I was with her about the way we had dealt with it, but in the days following the Spokane incident that had claimed Mason's life, we had cleared the air on any doubts either of us had with each other.

Until two days ago, when I had given her every reason _to_ doubt me.

After our argument in the forest, I could imagine doubt was all she was feeling right now. Doubt of herself, doubt of us…doubt of _me_. I couldn't blame her for feeling that way, not when I was doubting myself over the decision I had made, but that didn't stop the loss of her trust from knifing sharply through me.

Having never fully forgiven myself for the hurt I caused either of them, it was fitting punishment that now the consequences of my decisions were causing me the greatest pain.

Lowering Tasha gently to her feet, I tried to put some distance between us before my reluctance became obvious. I didn't want to hurt her feelings; she didn't deserve that, but she wouldn't understand that my only concerns were what seeing her in my arms would do to Rose.

Pulling away a little with a frown as she felt the hesitancy of my embrace, Tasha cupped my face, completely oblivious to the interested glances from the guardians, the majority of the seniors, and the white-hot glare of one senior in particular.

"Are you all right, Dimka? Did I hurt you?" Skimming her fingertips lightly over the cuts that had almost healed and the bruises that had turned from angry purple to faint yellow, the worry was clearly visible in her wintry-blue eyes. She thought the hug had aggravated an injury and for the time being it was better that she thought that than know the truth.

Watching Rose carefully from the corner of my eye, I covered Tasha's hands gently with my own and patted them once lightly before pulling them away from my jaw. "I'm fine, Tasha, really."

"You're sure?"

"I am." Not giving her another chance to touch me, I took a deliberate step back and used my next question as a distraction. "Christian obviously phoned you."

Frowning, the ploy worked as I watched a crinkle of annoyance at her nephew pull along the muscles of her face until the movement flattened and pulled taut at the disfigurement on her left cheek. The scar was old; its edges flat and white, but the age of it didn't matter. Not when it had been inflicted by a member of her own family.

That was something that not even time could heal.

Injured whilst trying to protect Christian from his parents; Moroi who had deliberately turned Strigoi, Tasha had suffered numerous injuries, but the laceration to her cheek was the one that would never fully heal...physically or emotionally.

Attacked first by Christian's mother, Moira, Tasha had somehow managed to push him behind her as she backed him into a corner of the family study. Trying valiantly to hold off Moira, it had been her older brother Lucas she had no hope against.

Having already killed two of their guardians, he had lunged at her with speed and strength, sinking his teeth into her left cheek before ripping a fleshy chunk clear away and would have succeeded in killing her had Christian's screaming not alerted others to the attack. Managing to hold them off just long enough for other guardians to arrive, they had been saved, but the damage had already been done…to both her, and her young nephew suddenly orphaned.

I knew that it was a very real fear that Christian still privately harboured. That he would one day succumb to whatever urge had driven his parents to turn and kill, but for Tasha, that fear was unfounded. Unlike her nephew, she wasn't ashamed of what her family members had become and wore the disfiguration of her cheek proudly. In her opinion, it was a testament of survival and strength that the Moroi badly needed.

It was why she had left the community at large. Ostracised already by the scandal, the transition of living with humans had been difficult, but she managed and was now thriving amongst them. It was so the catalyst that drove her campaign for the Moroi to become more pro-active in their own protection.

She, like Victor Dashkov, was convinced that by relying too heavily on guardians for their survival, the Moroi would eventually lose their natural ability to protect themselves. It was a radical idea and one that was very unpopular, but that wasn't about to stop her. She wasn't as fanatical as Victor was, and would certainly never intentionally harm anyone to achieve her goals, but their ideology was very similar.

"Yes, eventually he did…this morning." Scowling now more than frowning, Tasha tossed her glossy black hair over her shoulder. "I didn't believe what he was telling me at first, but the more he talked; the harder it became to _not_ believe him. So I found a substitute teacher who was willing to fill in for my classes and booked the only available flight left out of Minneapolis."

"You know why he didn't tell you sooner, Tasha," I pointed out, defending his actions. "He didn't want to worry you."

"I know. He said the same thing between me yelling at him and crying all over him." Shaking her head ruefully, I could see the slight puffiness around her eyes from the tears. Christian was the only living relative she had who would readily acknowledge her. The thought of losing him was more than terrifying to her.

"This place is a madhouse," she grumbled. "Do you know how long it took me get in?"

"We're still on full lockdown. Did they give you any trouble at the gate?"

Under normal circumstances, anyone who arrived at the gates – Moroi or dhampir – was scrutinized to within an inch of their lives before they were allowed to enter. That security measure would only have intensified since the attack, so for someone like Tasha, who was seen as slightly more than a mild threat to some, it wouldn't have been easy.

Smirking suddenly, Tasha asked with a slightly snide edge. "Why? Did you think they would look at me and see a Strigoi in Moroi clothing?"

"Something like that." Tasha had never as sensitive as Christian to the way they were treated, and often took great delight in making the Moroi uncomfortably aware of exactly what she thought of them. "Did you terrorize them?"

Laughing, Tasha winked conspiratorially. "Only a little, but they already had their hands full, so I couldn't gnash my teeth or lick my lips around them as much as I wanted."

"I'm sorry. That must have been very disappointing for you." Smiling at her smirk, it was very easy to fall into a familiar cadence with her. It didn't require any effort at all, but there was something about it now that didn't quite feel the same. It didn't feel wrong, but it didn't feel right either.

"A little, but I was more anxious to actually get in then to argue about _how_ I got in." Grinning widely for a second and exposing her canines, Tasha's humour seemed to disappear as quickly as it had begun whilst looking around the room. Being set up for the enquiry by the guardians attending the marking ceremony, they were pretending not to pay us any attention, but weren't doing a very good job at it.

Frowning, Tasha's concern wasn't for their obvious scrutiny, but at the battered state of so many of them.

Most of the minor injuries had already healed, but for other's the healing would take far longer than even our regenerative properties could deal with. Stan was one of them. Nodding to her courteously as he stacked a chair, the gash on his head was still bandaged and would be for some time.

"I managed to get some information out of them at the gate – information that Christian wouldn't give me over the phone." Tasha muttered, smiling gently at him as he passed before turning to look at me with eyes saddened by the truth of what she now knew had happened. "Did we really lose thirty-four?"

Frowning, my eyes narrowed "You only found that out when you arrived? Did no one tell you anything before?"

"Who else was going to tell me, Dimka?" Tasha asked softly. "It's not like I could make a call that would be answered by any of them. Not even the one's that do still speak to me."

Feeling a rise of heat flush through me at the apathy of the Moroi, I didn't force the issue and instead gave her a brief run-down of what had happened during the attack and those we had not only lost, but rescued. Nodding in places, obviously because it agreed with the bits of information she already had, it wasn't until I told her about the wards that Tasha interrupted.

"Wait…you're saying that the wards were broken by Magic use close to them? That's how the Strigoi got in?"

"Yes."

"Does anyone know how many attacked?"

"Not accurately, but best guess puts them somewhere around fifty."

" _Fifty_?" Tasha whispered in disbelief, folding her arms over her midriff and leaning back against a trestle table. "So many, that well organized? That's incredible…horrific, but incredible. It also explains why there are members of the council here."

"You saw them?"

"Outside. They look very grim…and very determined."

"They are, and that's the problem. They're not going to analyse this rationally. All they're looking for is a scapegoat to point the finger of blame at, and right now, that's Alberta."

"Of course it is," Tasha scoffed, shaking her head. "What did you expect? They're never going to admit to Tatiana or her sycophants that we were completely unprepared for what's happened, that _everyone_ was unprepared because they never though this would happen. This is exactly what I've said would happen all along."

Pushing away from the table, Tasha reached out and hooked a finger into the cable-knit of my sweater. "This is why the Moroi have _got_ to learn to fight, Dimka."

Recognizing the determined glint in her eyes, and knowing that if I didn't divert her it would turn into another Idaho recruiting rally, I focused my attention on her favourite subject…her nephew.

"Christian did."

Beaming and immediately distracted, Tasha nodded. "He told me. I was horrified at first at the thought of him confronting them without any training, but also very proud. Not only of him, but of Rose as well. He told me what she did – what they did _together_. I couldn't believe she killed so many." Looking over my shoulder, she spotted the person in question and the beam widened until the scar puckered beneath her eye.

"She hasn't even graduated yet, and already she's received a _Zvezda._ It's incredible." Tasha raved. "I mean, how old is she? Eighteen?"

"Almost. Her birthday's next week. March 21st."

"Incredible," she repeated, shaking her head in wonder and admiration at a girl who, because of me, would now never return it. Reaching out to lightly run her fingers over the covering at the nape of my own neck before I could react, Tasha looked a little sad, but proud at the same time. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be here to see you receive yours, Dimka."

"It's just another tattoo, Tasha. You didn't miss much." Twisting away from her touch, I wasn't fast enough to evade either her or her intentions. Grabbing my hand, she tugged hard. "Come on."

Towing me towards Rose before I could form any objection, she was off to the side of the room and out of the way of the others. Standing with her was Eddie, who spotted us before she did. Smiling almost shyly, he pushed away from the wall to reach out and shake her hand whilst a faint blush spread across the freckles sprinkled over the bridge of his nose.

Surprised by the reaction as the two exchanged pleasantries, I hadn't though that there had been much of an opportunity for Tasha to make an impression on him when they had met late last year…obviously I was wrong.

"Hi, Rose." Engulfing her in a tight hug as Eddie moved aside, Tasha didn't seem to notice the way that Rose stiffened at the embrace. It was very subtle, and to most it would have been overlooked, but I knew her every reaction as well as I did my own. I didn't blame her for it, but being rude to Tasha wasn't fair to her, or acceptable behaviour.

Eyeing her warningly, she reluctantly returned Tasha's hug with a lukewarm attempt. The jealousy still simmered around her, barely under control, and as she glared at me over Tasha's shoulder, the dangerous gleam in the depths of her rich-brown eyes promised retribution in return for her good behaviour.

Smiling tightly at Tasha when she was released, Rose backed away a pace or two until her back was flattened against the wall. Folding her arms tightly over her chest, she eyed the pair of us with barely leashed hostility whilst Tasha smiled at her warmly. "I can't tell you how proud I am of you and Christian, Rose…and of you, too, Eddie." She gushed, seemingly oblivious to the hostile air of tension around her.

"I didn't really do anything…except wait around to be rescued again." Eddie chipped in; laughing gruffly, but there was no real amusement in the sound. Turning to him, Rose rubbed the flat of her palm over his arm in silent comfort.

"You'll have your chance, Eddie." Tasha soothed almost maternally. "You can't let this discourage you. Christian told me you were doing your job when you were taken. That's nothing to be ashamed of. I have no doubt that you will prove yourself in the years to come…just as Rose already has. What you all did was incredibly brave."

Rushing Rose a little, Tasha cupped her face and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before leaning back and gazing at her in wondering gratitude and taking a step back. "Thank you for protecting my nephew."

"He protected himself mostly," Rose muttered, flustered and uncomfortable with Tasha's affection when she had conflicting emotions about her. "Christian was amazing. I just staked when I saw an opening. Right time, right, place."

"I know he did, but I also think you're not taking enough credit for what you did, Rose." Tasha admonished softly. "That tattoo on your neck is proof that what you accomplished had more to do with skill and instinct than just good timing. Don't sell yourself short, sweetheart."

Silent for a moment at the unexpectedness of genuine praise, the aggression in Rose's stance began to ease slightly as she relaxed her guard…until Tasha tucked her arm through my own and attached herself to my side. "Of course, some of that praise should also go to your instructor." Nudging against my hip playfully,

Tasha winked at the pair before glancing up at me. Eddie returned the grin; Rose clenched her jaw and refolded her arms over her chest, all softening towards Tasha gone in an instant.

"You really should have taken me up on my offer, Dimitri. If you were my guardian instead of a combat instructor, I can guarantee it would have been far less dangerous…and there would have been far more benefits." Eyeing me provocatively, there was no mistaking what she meant, but as her intent gaze travelled over the length of my body, she frowned suddenly in surprise; only just realising something was missing.

"Dimka…where's your duster?"

"It was destroyed during the attack." Covering her hand, I tried to pry her fingers off from my arm so that I could once again put distance between us, but she was tenacious and wasn't about to let go.

"Oh, no." Tasha sighed in regret. "You love that duster." Staring into the distance for a second, she nodded to herself as she made a decision. "There must be somewhere in Missoula that keeps them. I'll go tomorrow and see if I can find a replacement for you."

Watching peripherally, I saw Rose's fingers curl jealously before digging into the muscle of her bicep.

"No, really, Tasha. You don't need to. It's not important."

"Of course I do." Tasha argued against my protest, smiling with indulgent warmth that was a little too intimate for comfort. "It's my treat. Maybe you can drive in with me tomorrow? Like we did last year? We had fun on that trip." Murmuring suggestively, she was too intent on convincing me that it was a good idea to pay careful attention to Rose's murderous glare.

My attention however, was focused entirely on Rose.

I had never told her what had happened between Tasha and I last year, and she had never asked. More than happy to leave certain things unsaid, it wasn't just because my behaviour had embarrassed me, but because I knew that she wouldn't want to hear about it. I would have preferred for it to stay that way, but Tasha had just made that impossible.

"I don't think that they'd allow it, Tasha." I quickly reasoned as an excuse, no more eager to be alone with her than Rose was to see me go. "We're still short-staffed and I have no idea what will happen after the enquiry…it's not the right time to do this."

"It's not fair."

Glancing at Eddie, he was frowning in disgust. "What isn't fair, Eddie?"

"This enquiry. Firstly, none of the novices are allowed in, even though they were included in everything…the attack, the rescue. And secondly, you know that they're going to be gunning for Guardian Petrov. They're going to want to blame her for all of this."

"I agree with Eddie." Pushing away from the wall, Rose looped her arm though his as the room's set-up was complete and it began to empty of guardians. "This is bullshit. We're being sidelined again because they still think of us as kids. We're not…we should be able to speak in there. To defend Alberta. She did nothing wrong. If it wasn't for her, those we rescued would have died in the caves…Eddie would have died in those caves."

Grimacing, he sighed as Tasha nodded. "It doesn't seem fair, does it?" she consoled. "But there isn't anything that can be done about it by the novices, Rose. Dimitri and the others will do what they can. I'm sure they'll defend Alberta's actions. Right?"

"As much as we can," I agreed, answering both her question and the earlier one from Rose, who had asked as much. "We've already discussed amongst ourselves that our first priority is to protect her, but we're also going to be under oath. Lying would be perjury."

And having already committed it once to protect another, it wasn't something that I planned on doing again.

"Will that be enough?"

"I don't know, Eddie, but right now, that's all we can do."

Eyeing Rose at my response, he sighed unhappily, but said nothing more as the last of the guardians left the room. Soft voices floated towards us through the corridor leading from the lobby. One of them was Kirova, and what I thought was Alberta. The others I didn't recognize, but could only guess at.

"We have to go. The council members will be here soon."

Pulling Rose out with him, Tasha and I followed after Eddie into the corridor. Meeting Alberta as we side-stepped to let them past, her expression was calm, but there was a grim undertone to her demeanour. Kirova followed after her, but gave us no notice, all but falling over her feet as she fawned over the council members. The six of them crossed the threshold and shut the door with a decisive click behind them.

"I know one of them," Tasha murmured, arching a brow as we entered the lobby full of guardians waiting to be called in to testify. "Delia Marston…the eldest of them. She's been head of the enquiry committee for a long time and is an interrogator, not an interviewer. She'll lull you into a false sense of security, but don't fall for it. Watch out for her, Dimka."

"How do you know that? I thought you didn't have contact with anyone at Court?"

"Not many, but there are few there who aren't as hard-nosed as others about my family or my cause. They'll tell you the same thing about Marston."

"Thank you for the warning. I appreciate it." Holding the lobby door open as Eddie and Rose passed through it, Tasha laughed softly.

"If you really appreciated it, you would stop arguing with me about the shopping trip."

"Tasha."

"Fine, no shopping, but you're not wriggling out of dinner tonight. I already know that you're off duty."

Watching every muscle stiffen in Rose's back as she heard Tasha's invitation, dinner with her in any form was a bad idea. No matter how platonic I kept the evening, Tasha would still get the wrong idea…and so would Rose. I also still wanted to be able to talk to Rose after the enquiry. If I had a dinner to go to, that wouldn't happen tonight, and I didn't want to leave things unsaid between us for much longer.

Giving Rose Hathaway time to stew was never a good idea.

"Thank you for the invite, but this enquiry could go on until late, Tasha. I don't want to spoil the meal by arriving at midnight."

"Oh, nonsense. The food will keep. Guest housing is arranging everything in the private dining-room."

"They put you in housing?"

"They did. I'm sure they would have been happy to put me back in the cabin, but they said that for security reasons I could stay in housing. Generous of them, wasn't it? I've already invited Christian and Lissa," Tasha continued blithely. "Rose, you and Eddie are welcome to join us, of course. There will be more than enough food."

"That sounds gre-…"

"Sorry, we're still on curfew, so we won't be allowed." Rose interrupted abruptly, pulling Eddie along with her and ignoring his bewildered expression. She suddenly seemed in a great hurry to get away from us and I knew that it had nothing to do with breaking curfew. The last thing I wanted was for her to leave thinking that this dinner was something that I wanted, but how could I tell her anything different?

"Are you sure? I could talk to Kirova. I'm sure she would allow it. It's only one night."

"Positive." Smiling tightly, her eyes met mine for a second before sliding away quickly.

"Rose…"

"It's already after curfew, we have to go." Towing the still bewildered Eddie along with her, he waved in goodbye before turning to look at her in concern. Watching them disappear into the lamp lit night; there was nothing more than I could do but watch as Tasha looped her arm around mine. She didn't seem to notice that my attention was elsewhere or that I stood rigidly miserable beside her as she prattled on fondly.

"They're so adorable together. Don't you think they'd make a cute couple?"

"They're only friends, Tasha."

"Does Rose even date? I can't imagine she wouldn't. She's gorgeous."

"Yes. She is."

"Oh, wait…there was that poor boy that was killed in Spokane." Tasha continued, either not hearing what I had said or choosing to overlook it. "Weren't they dating?"

"I don't think it was anything serious." There was no doubt there. I knew why Rose had encouraged the relationship, and how much that decision still haunted her. Mason's death was not her fault, but it made no difference to the guilt she would always carry with her. Saying her final goodbyes in the forest had given her a sense of closure, but I didn't think she would ever fully forgive herself.

"What was his name?"

"Mason Ashford."

"That's right…Mason. Seemed like a nice boy." Shivering a little at the cool breeze floating over the grounds, Tasha glanced back over my shoulder at the lobby. "Looks like they're starting in there." Following her gaze, the lobby monitor was leading Mateo Ramirez towards the corridor as the first of us to be interviewed.

"Looks like it. I need to go. Will you be all right getting back to housing? Do you need someone to walk with you?"

"Such a gentleman," Tasha mocked softly. "I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about…you and the others. Remember what I said about Marston."

"I'll remember. Thank you again for the information, Tasha."

"And I'll see you at dinner later, right?"

Seeing no other way out of it, the best I could hope for was that it was over quickly and I could still get to Rose before the night was over. "Sure."

"Great. Good luck, Dimka." Lifting to her toes quickly, she kissed my cheek. Lingering for too long against the stubble-roughened skin, her lips coasted towards my lips, but as they touched the corner of my mouth, my head jerked away. Startled by the movement, Tasha's icy-blue eyes widened. Smiling stiffly to try and cover the obvious rejection, my head tilted towards housing.

"I really do need to go, Tasha."

Smiling in return at my weak excuse, there was obvious strain on the pull of the muscles. Tasha was a strong woman, but I knew that I had hurt her by pulling away. "Sure, I understand. See you later." Following the lamp-lit pathway towards guest housing, Tasha's slender form moved quickly along it until I could no longer see her.

Swearing viciously to myself in the quiet of the night, my hands scrubbed tiredly over my face. Disappointed with myself for not handling this better, the alternative of allowing Tasha to kiss me wasn't something I could stomach either.

And if Rose had found out….

Shuddering at the thought, I pushed through the lobby doors of housing. Gestured over to a long couch to the left of the lobby monitor's desk by Dustin, he sat there with Kon, Emil and Stan. Others had gathered in small clusters around the room, talking quietly to themselves, but it was hard not to miss the strain of having to wait. We were all prepared to protect Alberta and her decisions, but the guardians were justifiably on edge.

"Was that Natasha Ozera?"

Slotting myself between Dustin and Stan, my legs stretched out as I folded my hands over my lap. "Yes. She came to check on Christian."

"Only Christian?"

Glaring irritably at Kon's sly grin, he chuckled quietly to himself. "Tasha's never made it any secret that she wants more than your _protective skills_ , Dimitri."

"I'm well aware of that, Konrad, but as I told her last year, my loyalty is the Princess."

"You are such a boy scout, Belikov," he scoffed, shaking his head. "If _I_ was offered guarding _her_ body, day and night, I wouldn't even hesitate to say yes."

"Twisted fantasies aside, Kon," I interrupted dryly. "Tasha also warned me about Guardian Marston."

"Which one is Marston?" Stan asked, looking up as the lobby monitor answered the phone at the desk, before rising from behind it and walking briskly down the corridor. We heard the door of the meeting room close loudly behind her.

"The tall, severe looking woman in the lead. According to Tasha, she's ruthless, although portrays herself as sympathetic and understanding. Out of the four Council members, she's the one that everyone needs to be wary of." Looking around the room, my voice had deliberately risen just enough for everyone to hear.

"She's right," Dustin confirmed, scowling darkly. "Marston has a reputation at Court for being brutal in her pursuit of the truth. She was in charge of the enquiry that almost saw Mikhail Tanner lose his job after he left to hunt down Sonya Karp. The woman is not to be underestimated, by anyone."

Again, this was said loud enough for everyone to hear, but before there was a chance for anyone to ask a question, the monitor returned and cleared her throat as she stood with her fidgeting hands clasped over her front at the edge of the corridor. "Guardian Ramirez? They're ready for you now." Rising immediately, he nodded to her before looking over to Alberta. She sat with Janine and Gregor. Meeting his steady gaze, she remained composed as he followed after the monitor.

Almost an hour passed before we heard the door down the corridor open again. Talking quietly amongst ourselves during the wait to kill time, the monitor returned alone before calling for Dustin. Rising, he turned to us with his bushy eyebrows knitting over his nose. "Where's Ramirez?"

"He must have been sent out through the back. They don't want us talking to anyone who's already been interviewed. They want us going in blind."

Agreeing with Emil's grim answer, Dustin gave a short nod before leaving. One by one they were called in…the replacement guardians from Court, Gregor, Janine, Stan, Morgan, Stephen, Emil, until finally, it was my turn. "Guardian Belikov? They're ready for you now."

Finding Alberta across the room, it was clear now that she would be the last to be called in. Still outwardly calm, I could only imagine what she felt like on the inside. Nodding reassuringly to her, I followed after the monitor. Knocking softly on the door before opening it, I slipped through before it was hastily closed. Facing the four guardians as they sat at the clothed trestle table, there was only a single chair not stacked in the room. Placed in the middle, it was meant to signify isolation.

Tasha was right…it was the set-up of an interrogation.

Pleasantly neutral, the faces of the guardians looking back at me were unflinching. They weren't meant to intimidate, not yet at any rate. Smiling pleasantly, Guardian Marston nodded towards the chair as the bright, overhead light caught at the silver strands in her hair, but the light also caught at something in her eyes…something to be wary of.

"Please have a seat, Guardian Belikov."

Sitting with a nod, I mimicked their posture and expressions perfectly, observing them as carefully as they observed me. Seated apart by equal spacing, the four were made up of two men and two women who ranged in age and sex.

"My name is Delia Marston. To my right are Guardian's Henry Jerkewitz and Annabeth Harper. To my left is Guardian Frederic González. We have been sent by the Council to investigate the incidents that occurred on the early morning and every evening of March the Sixteenth. You understand that you are being recorded and that anything you say may be used later in accordance with any criminal proceedings, should they be necessary?"

Eyeing the device on the table and digesting the implications of anything criminal, I didn't have any other choice but to agree.

"I do."

"Excellent. Then let's proceed." Looking once more at her notes, she asked as her head rose. "We understand that you and a novice were the first to encounter the Strigoi before the attack on the upper campus. Is this correct?"

"It is."

Reading again, a slightly frown pinched at her already withered features. "Rosemarie Hathaway was the novice, correct?"

"She was."

Nodding slightly she said nothing more before focusing on me again. "Please detail what you and Ms. Hathaway found in the forest."

Running through the details of the encounter in the woods, I kept my explanation succinct and didn't embellish as they took their own notes whilst listening to every word I had to say.

"And after you had sent Ms. Hathaway to sound the alarm, what occurred next?"

"I continued to defend the school whilst waiting for reinforcements."

"And how soon would you say those reinforcements arrived, Guardian Belikov?"

Irritated by the direction of her question, I could feel the heat of anger begin to bloom in the pit of my stomach. They were determined to find fault not just with Alberta, but with all of us. "As quickly as they were able to, Guardian Marston."

Glancing up from her scribbling, the elder of the committee members seemed to hear the irked subtext of my reply despite my outward composure. Calculating almost on whether it was something worth her time to pursue, she reshuffled her notes and instead asked.

"And then what happened?"

"Once the Strigoi in the forest were eliminated, we made our way back to the upper grounds. The elementary campus was overrun with Strigoi by then, so we concentrated our defences there before sweeping through the grounds. With the sunrise, those not eliminated fled the grounds."

"But not before Moroi lives were lost, and others were carried off."

Cornered against the wall by our failures, it didn't really matter what I said in defence to her quiet condemnation…and I wanted very badly to defend our failures. I wanted to point out that it hadn't just been Moroi lives lost, but guardians as well. That a dhampir life was no less valuable than a Moroi's, but it would have been a waste of my time and breath.

They wanted their pound of flesh and were prepared to use any means to get it.

"No, Guardian Marston. Not before that."

Nodding again, she took no notes this time. "Tell us, please, about the rescue operation that followed the attack."

Explaining the guesswork of the caves – without divulging Rose's or Mason's involvement – they listened intently, asking the occasional question as I outlined Janine's suggestion of the rescue, followed by Alberta's decision to vote on the rescue.

"Guardian Petrov asked for a vote after Guardian Hathaway suggested the rescue operation? An _unsanctioned_ rescue operation that neither of them could be bothered to tell the Council about in advance?"

"She did."

"So all guardians, as well as the Moroi involved, _volunteered_ to venture out of school grounds and into a cave system they were completely unfamiliar with, to face dangers that could have killed them, all on guesswork?"

"They did." I answered with calm authority, declining to mention that it had been poor Celeste who had protested the most, and had ultimately lost her life. "They all felt that the cave would have made an ideal cover during daylight hours. That even if there was a remote chance that the thirteen that had been taken were still alive, they wouldn't last much longer than the evening. We knew the Strigoi would move again after dusk, so we had to move quickly, and we were right to. Guardian Petrov made the right call."

"But also the wrong call, because more lives were lost in the process." Scanning his notes, Guardian Jerkewitz scowled, his receding hairline pulled lower over his brow and dark grey eyes. "Another five guardians were killed in the cave during the rescue."

"Yes, another five are dead, but we got more out than we lost."

"Some might say Guardian Belikov, that the thirty-four lives lost did not justify the rescue."

"We didn't lose thirty-four in the cave, Guardian Jerkewitz…we lost most of them within the grounds of the Academy in the initial attack."

"Guardian Hathaway has mentioned in her testimony that you had a theory about how the wards were broken. Can you please explain?"

"The theory isn't mine, Guardian González. It's Ms. Hathaway's. She pieced together that when magic is being used close to the wards, it nullifies its effects. Much in the same way that a stake does. The Strigoi could sense the wards failing along the boundary fence, and bided their time until they could find a weak enough spot to break through."

"The wards were weakened by magic? Why was magic being used so close to them?"

"A group of Moroi had gathered on the outskirts of the forest to…practice. Hone their magic skills, if you like. They would have had no idea that what they were doing was destroying the very magic that kept them safe."

"And you're certain of this, Guardian Belikov?"

"Yes."

"Are these Moroi still at the school?"

"No, Guardian Jerkewitz. They were removed by their parents prior to the memorial service." Taking more notes, this obviously wasn't something they wanted to hear, mostly, because to lay the blame at the Moroi's feet would achieve nothing. It was still dhampir heads that had to roll.

"We've also had reports that some suspect as many as fifty Strigoi, Guardian Belikov. Do you concur?"

"I do, Guardian Harper."

"I must admit, the Council finds this a little hard to swallow. Strigoi have never before been found to organize themselves into groups larger than two or three. Now you want us to believe that dozens of them united in a single attacking group?"

"You have the report from the Alchemist's on how many bodies they disposed of, don't you?" I asked bluntly, my capacity for patience and respect almost at an end.

"Yes," she answered tightly, clearly not very happy with having to answer questions instead of ask them.

"Then you know for yourself the number. We didn't drag all of them from the cave; we simply added the ones we killed there to the pile of Strigoi dead that were already waiting on the edge of the forest for the Alchemist's to dispose of."

"So then who…or what would you blame for this attack, Guardian Belikov?" Guardian Marston asked, glancing sideways at Guardian Harper, who fell silent almost immediately.

"We are, Guardian Marston. All of us. The Court, the Council, the Academies…Moroi and dhampir alike."

Arching a brow as her nostrils flared in anger, it was the most emotion I had seen from her since arriving, and it gave me a small sense of satisfaction to know that I had hit a nerve. "Please explain that last comment, Guardian Belikov."

"We've been living off the arrogance of our own assumptions. Strigoi are not organized, Strigoi don't unify to attack in mass, the wards are all we need, the wards can never fail…but it's all wrong. If we had been pro-active, if we had been better prepared, instead of believing that we were untouchable, this might have been prevented."

Leaning forward, Guardian Marston clenched her bony fingers tightly together. "Guardian Belikov…you are attacking every belief that makes up the system that we live by. A system that _you_ live by. A system that we train our novices by, do I have that right?"

"I'm attacking them, Guardian Marston, because they're outdated. They need to evolve, like we do…like the Strigoi already have. Look around you. Our greatest defence failed. What more do you need to convince you that we are all to blame for what's happened?"

Chewing on her bottom lip, the look in her eye raised the hairs on the back of my neck in alarm. "I believe you know Natasha Ozera. She has a few very radical ideas about the part that the Moroi should play in their protection. You sound almost as radical right now, Guardian Belikov, in your criticism of a system that has been working for centuries."

"If by radical, you mean progressive, then yes, I am. We need to learn not only from our own mistakes, but also from our enemy. We have massively underestimated them, and if we continue to do so, this will happen again. I'm not saying that we have to throw out our system, Guardian Marston, but the Council needs to seriously consider overhauling it."

Sitting back in her seat, her arms crossed over her chest whilst a muscle jumped tightly in her jaw. "Thank you for your time, Guardian Belikov…and your opinions. Your testimony will be taken into account, and should it be of any use, you will be called to re-testify in front of the Council at Court in the coming months. A final decision will be made then on any commendations…or punishments. We won't keep you any longer."

"Of course. I understand. Thank you." Rising, I strode to the door and was out into the corridor a second later. Meeting the monitor, she walked me through to the rear and showed me out of the door usually used as an emergency exit. Stepping out into the cold, the grounds were quiet as I breathed in deeply of the night air.

I didn't know if my testimony or any of the others would be enough to save Alberta, but judging by the fact that there would still be a formal hearing at Court, it meant that for the moment, she had avoided the chopping block. I only hoped that by exposing the flaws and failures of our system, it would make them think twice about trying to pin the blame on her.

Checking the time, it was just after nine and already too late to see Rose, but not late enough to use as an excuse to skip Tasha's dinner. Sighing wearily, I rolled my head on my neck and forced myself to walk to guest housing when it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Shown into the private dining-room of guest housing a few minutes later, the interior was lavishly decorated in understated tones of maroon and cream. The muted light from candles and lamps dimmed gave the setting a more intimate feel…not something that I wanted.

Feeling decidedly uneasy, the table I was lead to was set in an alcove in the back. Walled in on either side, it was almost cut off from the rest of the dining-room. Skirting a table being cleared of cutlery and cutlery, it was Christian who came into view first. Spotting me, he smiled broadly as Lissa craned her head to the side and smiled just as widely.

Thankful that they were actually here, and that Tasha hadn't just used them as an excuse to get me to dinner, she was the next in view. Styled impeccably, her upswept hair perfectly showcased the pale, slender length of her neck. Eyes sparking in pleasure as she saw me, the awkwardness of earlier was nowhere to be found as she waved with a twinkling motion of her fingers.

Resigning myself to the evening because I didn't want to spoil it for her or them, it wasn't until I had cleared the wall and saw the fourth person at the table that I realised the evening was spoiled already, because lounging across the seat as if he owned it, was Adrian Ivashkov.


	7. Chapter 7

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Thank you for the reviews! It was wonderful to hear from everyone again. I especially LOVE how passionate you all. It's immensely gratifying as a writer (even if they aren't my characters) to get that kind of reaction. I will try and update every second Sunday. Enjoy.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Seven

"Try the chocolate soufflé, Dimka…just a little. For me?"

Shaking my head, I refused the spoon Tasha was trying to offer over the table and popped the last of the grapes into my mouth. She had been trying to coax me into ordering dessert since the plates of the main meal had been cleared away, but I had instead opted for a cheese and fruit platter.

Still determined, Tasha arched a slender brow and waggled the spoon enticingly at me as I shook my head again. Giving up, she shrugged before grinning. "All right, but it's your loss." Closing her eyes in pleasure, she savoured the creamy, richness of the dessert before the bright-blue of them flared open in the candlelight and she winked. "You really don't know what you're missing."

Chuckling at her left, Christian cracked the caramelized crown of his crème brulee with the back of his spoon. "You're lucky she offered you a spoonful at all, Dimitri. Usually I have to fight tooth and nail to get anything sweet out of her. The last time I tried, I was fifteen, and tried to filch a macaroon. I still have the bite mark."

Holding up a hand untouched by any teeth, Lissa laughed at his expression of mock despair as Tasha shook her spoon at him in warning. "That is absolute nonsense, Christian. I have never denied you anything, much less a macaroon. I share everything with you."

"And if _you_ asked nicely, Belikov, I'm sure Tasha would share _everything_ with you."

Angling my head slightly to the right, the snide comment was lost in the noise of aunt and nephew arguing playfully with each other. Resting indolently against the chair, Adrian drained the last of his drink. Holding it up as a signal for the hovering waiter, it was refilled almost immediately. Winking at me before drinking deeply, Adrian didn't seem to take any notice of my narrowed glare…or if he did, he was already too drunk to care.

Baiting me since I had sat down, the barbs had been subtle at first and as expected, all about Rose. He knew that there was friction between us, and took great delight in trying to exploit it by goading me about his awareness of our relationship. How much he knew about the cause of that friction, I didn't know, but he wasn't stupid, and I wasn't about to give him anything else he could use against me.

Ignoring him at first, his drinking had steadily increased the more frustrated he became with my lack of response. Now the barbs were no longer subtle or quiet. The others hadn't taken much notice of them yet, but that wouldn't last long if he continued.

Swirling the dark amber of his drink, he smirked mockingly. "What is it about you that they all seem to want, Belikov? You're good looking enough; I'll give you that, but what else is there? You're a guardian; you have no real money or assets. You will serve the Moroi for the rest of your life, and if you live to old age, you're pensioned off to live the rest of your existence in feeble obscurity. You have nothing."

 _Except for the one thing that you want_ , I thought grimly, struggling to hold onto my fraying temper at his scorn with a life he would never understand. "I'm sure I couldn't say."

Sneering at my bland answer, Adrian spoke over the rim of his glass. "Can't or won't?" When his answer was met with only silence, he laughed humourlessly. "You are a slippery bastard, aren't you? But there are always ways around that. Maybe I should just ask Tasha? Would she tell me, do you think? Maybe then if I knew, I could ask Rose and compare the answers."

"You're more than welcome to try, but I wouldn't hold my breath." My voice was pleasantly neutral, but there was no mistaking the aggression of my body language.

"Sure of yourself, aren't you?" He asked snidely.

"Sure of her."

"Even now?" Reaching out, his long fingers plucked at a raspberry on the platter. Popping it into his mouth, he tilted his head. "Tell me…how does she feel about Tasha being here? I can't imagine she's very happy about it." Glancing over to her, she was still talking animatedly with Christian and Lissa. The communication, if you could call it that, between Adrian and I, was almost unheard of by the others.

"How Rose feels is none of your business, Adrian."

"Of course it is. I'm a concerned friend."

"We both know that friendship is not what you want from Rose…and we both know that friendship is all she will ever offer you."

Delivered softy, but with the efficiency of a dart, Adrian's jaw clenched at the viciousness of my own barb. It was a low blow. I knew that, and probably shouldn't have used it, but my patience for his attitude had officially run out. Drumming his fingers agitatedly against the tablecloth, he nodded slowly. "You're right. It's not what I want from her, but you're also wrong. If friendship is all that she's offering, then I'll take it because it's better than nothing."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?"

Leaning closer suddenly, there was intense intent in his dark green eyes, and it made me realise that he wasn't nearly as drunk as I had thought. "Believe what you want, Belikov. Just understand that if you're stupid enough not to know what you've got, don't expect the rest of us to wait around until you figure it out."

"What are you two talking about so secretively?"

"Rose." Adrian answered flatly, sitting back and draining his glass before chewing sullenly on a carrot stick and staring broodily across the room.

"Oh," Tasha grinned mischievously. "I should have known you would be interested, Adrian. You'd have to be blind not to be."

"Being blind isn't my problem, Tasha, but apparently it's something that other's suffer from." Signalling the waiter again, he switched poisons with a colourless liquid that was easily identified as vodka. Frowning at his choice of words, Tasha watched as he continued to drink deeply but said nothing before turning to Lissa.

"I'm sorry Rose and Eddie couldn't join us."

"The curfew is pretty strict; Kirova wouldn't allow it. Actually, I'm surprised that Christian and I were allowed out at all." Smiling apologetically, there was a wisp of concern to Lissa's delicate features. "Maybe it's a good thing Rose isn't here, though. She needs a good night's sleep. It's been a long day…and a long week. Also, she's been a little…off the last few days."

"We'll that's understandable." Tasha sympathised. "So much has happened. She must be exhausted, both mentally and physically. I still can't believe what she did…what both of you did." Smiling warmly at her nephew, Christian shook his head.

"I didn't do much, Tash. It was all Rose."

"She said the same thing about you when I talked to her earlier. I think you're both remarkable, but are too modest to take any credit for it. Don't dismiss what you did with her, Christian. You've set an example now, be proud of that."

Chewing on a piece of caramel, Christian didn't answer, but there was a faint flushing along the ridge of his cheekbones that highlighted the paleness of his skin. He would play it down, but his aunt's praise meant a great deal to him.

"Maybe you can get Rose to teach you a few defensive manoeuvres…or Dimitri." Tasha suggested suddenly, smiling broadly between us. "Rose is a glowing example of how good a teacher he is, Christian."

"Yeah," Adrian added suggestively, beginning now to slur. "Belikov's been teaching her _all_ sorts of things."

"Hold on, Tash." Christian interrupted quickly, paying no attention to Adrian's drunken ramblings. "I flambéed a few Strigoi. I didn't actually kill any; that was Rose. Besides, the academy isn't going to allow us to be taught how to actually fight, even if we want to. After what Dimitri said earlier about the enquiry, none of the guardians would teach us anyway. They're going to be under more scrutiny than before."

"Rose isn't a guardian yet. She won't be under the same kind of scrutiny." Tasha argued, eyes gleaming brightly as she saw that her nephew couldn't argue around this. "I'll talk to her about it. I'm sure she'll agree if I ask her."

"I wouldn't bet on it." Muttering beneath his breath, Adrian slide a sly look across the table in my direction.

"Dimka, didn't you say something about it being her birthday next week?"

"Yeah, the 21st," Lissa answered before I could. "Why do you ask?"

"We should do something for her, don't you think?"

Fiddling with what was left of her strawberry crepe, Lissa scooped up a spoonful of cream. "Absolutely. I was thinking about a party. Something small, just with a few of us. She's not really going to be in the mood to celebrate her birthday, and it's not like we would be allowed into town to buy her presents, but I think we should do something anyway."

"A surprise party?"

"Maybe."

"Won't she know? You two are linked, aren't you?"

"I can keep it from her if I concentrate hard enough. I'm also back on my meds, so it dulls the link a little, which would help." Biting into a strawberry, Lissa ran her tongue over her teeth to clean away the seeds before licking at a stray drop of juice at the corner of her mouth. "Maybe I can talk to the kitchen staff about baking a cake? It doesn't have to be anything special. Rose is never fussy when it comes to sugar."

"Would they?"

Smiling cheekily, Lissa's light green eyes twinkled at Tasha. "I'm sure I could persuade them."

Spooning up the last of her soufflé, Tasha nodded in ready agreement. "How about having it here? I'm sure that housing wouldn't mind. Do you think that Janine will still be around next week? I'm sure that she would want to stay for her daughter's birthday."

"I don't think she'll be here that long."

"Oh," Tasha sighed. "That's too bad."

"And…it's probably for the best that she isn't here, Tasha."

All turning to her, Lissa grimaced a little at the sudden attention her comment had created. "Wow, that didn't sound great, did it?" Fidgeting with her plate, she pushed it away and sat back in her seat. "Rose and her mom have never seen eye to eye, but over the last few days, their relationship seems to have gone from bad to worse. I don't know why, and when I ask Rose, she brushes it aside, saying that it's nothing new, just the normal dysfunction of their relationship, but there's more to it. I haven't pushed it, because every time I do she gets upset, but something's happened…something really bad."

Understanding Lissa's concern for her best friend, I shared it, but felt no real compassion towards Janine Hathaway. For the trouble she had caused, she deserved what she got, but what I did feel for was the lack of any real parental role model for Rose. My own father had been as inconsistent in my life as Janine, but at least I had my mother, sisters and grandmother.

Who did Rose have?

"I didn't realise it was so bad between them," Tasha murmured. "I mean it was obvious enough in Idaho for me, and outsider to see, but I always just assumed that it was nothing more than normal mother/daughter squabbling. Surely, she would still want to be here?"

"I doubt it. She never stays for very long. I think they've seen each other more in the past six month, then the six years before it. Janine is very career orientated. She'll want to get back to the Zeklos she protects. Rose," pausing, Lissa's gentle features hardened for a moment. "Rose has never been a priority for her."

Taking sip of apple cider, I hid the frown created by Lissa's words in the depths of the glass whilst Tasha shook her head incredulously, "But Rose is her daughter…even if they were fighting, she would want what's best for her, wouldn't she?"

"Tash…I don't know what to tell you. I know that you find it hard to believe, but that's just always been the nature of their relationship. It was why my mom was so protective of Rose, why she was always with us. Why we were her family. I'm sure that Janine wants what's best for Rose, but I think that she wants what's best for Janine a little more."

Looking down at her plate, Lissa's discomfort was palpable. At her side, Christian tactfully changed the subject to one that was safer. Tasha took the hint, and joined in, but it seemed as though she had more questions than answers.

She wasn't the only one.

Rolling a blueberry between my fingertips, I only distantly heard the conversation floating around me; my mind focusing instead on what Lissa had said about Janine. It wasn't in Lissa's nature to be harsh or critical of anyone, so hearing her speak so unfavourably about Rose's mother was very unusual. We all knew how protective Lissa was of Rose, so maybe it shouldn't have been surprising, but there was something in the way that she had said it that made me think it wasn't just about a protective instinct.

Mulling over it as the crockery and cutlery were whisked away, I tried to rejoin the general conversation, but my head wouldn't let it go; repeating it over and over again until it felt like it was all I could think about. There was something to this…some niggle at the back of my mind that wouldn't be ignored, because it didn't make any sense.

The Janine that Lissa was describing was not the Janine that I thought she was.

Deciding to ask her about it on the way back to housing, I wouldn't have to wait much longer, and for that I was glad. It had been a long day and would be an even longer night. Sleep wouldn't be easy coming, but at least when it was over and dawn had broken, I would be a little closer to Rose. What would happen when I saw her, I didn't know, but I couldn't go on like this anymore.

Yawning delicately, Lissa collected her coat from the back of the chair and shrugged into it as she stood. It was only a little after ten, but I didn't think she would be able to keep her eyes open for much longer. She and the others were still finding it difficult to adjust to the change in schedule.

"Are you leaving so soon?"

Standing beside Lissa, Christian donned his own coat as I rose with him. "Yeah, we need to get back to housing, Tash, but thanks for the meal. It was really great. And you're here for a few days, so we can do it again." Nodding enthusiastically, Lissa reached out to hug her, talking quietly to each other whilst Christian nodded at Adrian.

Holding up his glass in a mocking salute, his gaze was sardonic, but when he turned to me, the scorn in his eyes was replaced by something I didn't understand. Thinking back to what he had said earlier about not knowing what I had because I was too blind to see it, it felt as though he as trying to tell me something, but with Adrian, I could never be sure if it was something genuine or not.

Winking at Lissa, he remained seat, and continued to drink. Collecting my jacket, Tasha walked us out of the dining room and down the long, central passageway to the lobby. Hugging his aunt, Christian pushed open the doors and ushered Lissa out in the chilly night. Pausing just inside the doors, Tasha turned to me with a knowing smile.

She had been well behaved through dinner, but dinner was over now and I knew what was coming. It was why what I was about to do was unpleasant, but it had to be done. Tasha needed to understand that there was nothing more than friendship between us, even if it wasn't something she wanted to hear. I didn't want Rose hurt by any further misunderstandings about my relationship with her.

She might not be her mother's priority, but she was still mine.

Trying to push gently past Tasha, she wouldn't let me leave completely. Standing together in the threshold of the doorway, she smiled up at me whilst I kept as much distance between our bodies. "Thank you for dinner, Tasha."

"You're welcome, Dimka."

Hooking a finger through the button loop of my jacket, she drew me closer by an inch before my hand covered hers. Prying loose her fingers and taking a step back, she was left in the doorway and I was left with no time. "Tasha…I am happy to see you, and I'm glad that you're here for Christian, but you have to understand that there isn't going to ever be anything other than friendship between us."

Smiling uncertainly, there was worry in her eyes as she folded her arms across her chest and rested against the doorway. "I know that you said because of Lissa you couldn't, but she's still at the academy, surrounded by guardians, and…"

"No, Tasha. I'm sorry." Glancing over my shoulder, Lissa and Christian had wandered off down the pathway leading back to housing, and I didn't want them walking in the dark alone. "I have to go. Thank you again for dinner. Good night." Brushing a curl from her ear, I ran the back of my finger down her unmarred cheek before turning away at the crushing disappointment I could see.

Catching up to the pair, they were quietly talking, but included me in the conversation as I fell into place beside Lissa. Unaware of what had just happened, Christian was already making plans for Tasha and I to be included in during her stay here, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that none of them would be happening.

Waiting for the subject to run its course, I used the first lull in the conversation to ask the question that had been playing on my mind for the better part of an hour. "Lissa…you said something earlier to Tasha about Janine that I wanted to ask about."

Looping her arm through Christians, the look she gave me was wary. "I shouldn't have said anything, Dimitri. It's really none of my business."

"Of course it's your business. Rose is your best friend." Tucking Lissa closer to his side, Christian frowned at her. Smiling gently at him, she kissed his cheek and leaned against him. Passing dhampir housing, our heads all turned to the dark building and the person who slept inside of it.

Sighing quietly, Lissa turned to me. "What is it you want to know, Dimitri?"

"The way you were talking about Janine…you made it sound like her like her motives are selfish. That she's only ever been interested in what's best for her, and not what's best for Rose."

"Yeah, I made it sound like that, because that's exactly what she's like."

Staggered by the conviction in her voice, my mouth was dry as I swallowed roughly. "But that can't be right, Lissa. That's not the woman I know. The woman I know was terrified for her daughter's safety…in Spokane, the caves, even after we were safely on academy grounds. The woman I know loves her daughter, so surely she would only want what's best for her?" Sounding bewildered to my own ears, the niggle in my head suddenly found its way into my heart. Something was very wrong here…something that I desperately needed to understand.

"Are you sure you really know her, Dimitri?" Stopping at the steps of her dorm, Lissa frowned. "Look, I'm not saying that Janine doesn't love Rose. I'm sure that she does, on some level, that she has a hard time expressing, but what you have to remember is that having Rose wrecked her reputation, and almost wrecked her career."

"It's why she's so hard on her now. Not just because she doesn't want her to repeat her mistakes, but also, if Rose does something that jeopardises her chances of being a guardian, it will reflect badly on Janine. That's what her main concern is. It's what her main concern has _always_ been. Janine's motives are Janine-centric and if that's the case, Dimitri, how could she possibly want or know what's best for daughter?"

Looking out again towards dhampir housing, Lissa spoke quietly. "It's why Rose needs us…you, me, Christian, Eddie…even Adrian. We're the people she trusts. We're the people that know her the best, the people that love and protect her. Janine is the just the person that gave birth to her."

Met with silence in the seconds that followed, Lissa looked at me oddly. "Why all the sudden interest in Janine? Has something happened?"

Forcing myself to speak, the words sounded strange to my ears. "Just curious. We had a conversation about Rose a few days ago that left me a little…confused."

"Oh. Well, I hope that I was able to clear things up."

"You were, Lissa. Thank you. Good night…Christian." Waiting only until they were barely through the lobby doors, I sat unsteadily onto the half-wall bordering the flower bed. Resting my elbows on my knees, the fingers I sank into my hair were shaking.

What had I done?

Everything I thought I knew…everything I had based my decision on was wrong.

I had believed that what I was doing was right, because it was the best for Rose, but it wasn't, and Janine, the consummate actress, had realised that. She had played on my guilt to manipulate the situation to her advantage by encouraging me to drive a wedge between us, and I had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Rose had known what her mother was doing all along, and I hadn't listened, instead, I had chosen to allow myself to be used to hurt her; thinking only of how this might affect Rose in the future, instead of thinking about what it would do to her now.

It was what my heart had been trying to tell my head as I watched her walk away from me in the forest, only I hadn't listened to that either.

How could I have been so blind, so gullible…so stupid?

Clutching tightly at my temples, the realisation that I had allowed Janine to get inside my head was lost in the misery of knowing that I had betrayed Rose and jeopardised our relationship not simply because I had listened to her, but because I hadn't trusted my own instincts…and because I hadn't trust Rose enough to know hers.

Hunched over, my anguished gaze found dhampir housing in the distance, and the dark window of Rose's room. What could I say to her tomorrow that would make this right? I could explain…I could apologize…I could make promises that she would listen to and someday might believe and I could ask for her forgiveness, but would she ever give me the one thing that I wanted the most?

Her trust…


	8. Chapter 8

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Sorry about the week-long delay. I had every intention of posting last week, but a day-long wedding I had to travel for ended up being a weekend-long wedding, so there was no time for my last minute read-through until later in the week. Hope you enjoy. Thanks.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Eight

"You're looking for Rose Hathaway? I'm sorry; Guardian Belikov, but you've just missed her."

" _Missed her_? What do you mean?"

"She left about ten minutes ago. She said that she had permission to run this morning…with _you_." Wide-eyed, the lobby monitor at dhampir housing paled a little at my scowling expression. Swearing beneath my breath, my jaw clenched in frustration. Irritated already by lack of sleep, Janine's manipulations and my own stupidity, I wasn't in the best of moods to now hear that Rose wasn't in the one place she should be.

"Is there a problem, Guardian Belikov?" She asked hesitantly, fidgeting behind the desk, my agitated behaviour obviously making her nervous. "Should I not have let her go? Should I get someone to bring her back?"

Forcing my features to unclench, I smiled reassuringly at her. The last thing I needed was to draw attention to myself whilst looking for my wayward student. "No, no. There isn't a problem, Mrs Morris. The grounds have been secured again. It must have slipped my mind that we were running this morning, that's all. I'll go and find her. Thank you." Pivoting quickly on my heel, I was out of the lobby before she could say another word.

A little after six a.m., the grounds were quiet still as I made my way back to guardian housing. The normal school day wouldn't begin for another two hours. Hoping to use this to my advantage by pulling Rose out of housing early with a ready excuse of training, I would now have to spend that time looking for her. I had a fairly good idea of which path she would take to run, but Rose was unpredictable at the best of times.

I could spend the next hour running in one direction, whilst she ran in another just to be contrary.

Bounding up the stairs to my room, I quickly changed into running gear before slipping out again. Managing to avoid anyone who would want to know where I was going, my path skirted the elementary campus until I met the open fields. Running down the embankment leading to the upper fields, my pace quickened as I began my search.

Following the sun eastwards, the pale pinks and yellows of it rising streaked across the land. Warmer this morning than last night, the thaw was continuing to spread quickly across the fields and woods as large patches of wild grass and flowers pushed through the last of the winter frost. It was a beautiful morning, but I couldn't appreciate it as much as I should have.

Not with my mind on other things.

During the hours of night spent lying wide-eyed, my guilty conscious had taken great delight in tormenting me over the endless list of my own shortcomings, the greatest of which was the very guilt that kept me awake.

All along it had been guilt that had driven my actions. Misplaced guilt…manipulated guilt, but guilt all the same. Janine had seen it and ruthlessly exploited it by making me doubt not only myself, but my relationship with Rose. I should have known what she was doing. I should have seen that her motivations were ulterior, but I hadn't.

Blinded by the fear that this would affect Rose in the future and that she would resent me, it had taken Lissa's clear insight and blunt character profile of Janine to finally make me see that Rose had been right…I had played straight into Janine's hands. And to make matters worse, I couldn't even completely villainies her for it.

Not when I was just as big a culprit as she was.

I had treated Rose no differently than her mother did by dismissing what she had said. I had treated her concerns and her plea's as though they meant nothing. As though she was a child who couldn't possibly understand the consequences of our actions and therefore was to be ignored or underestimated.

But she had understood perfectly…and I hadn't.

How did I _begin_ to make amends to Rose now? What could I say to her that would make her understand why I had done what I had done without causing her more pain? What did I say to her that would earn back her trust? I would beg, on my knees, if I had to for her to forgive me, but I knew that her trust wouldn't be easily earned back with any amount of grovelling.

Spotting her in the distance, she was running hard towards the woods, across the open plain. If she got into them before I caught up to her, she would disappear amongst the shadows and slip past me back towards the upper campus before I could stop her.

"Rose!"

Looking over her shoulder as my call carried over the field; she frowned, but didn't slow down. Turning away, she veered off to the left and the small thicket of pine trees leading to the woods bordering the boundary. Swearing viciously as she did exactly what I thought she would, I pushed harder and called to her again.

"Rose! Rose! Dammit, Rose. Stop!"

Still ignoring me, she ran down an embankment, but had to slow her speed to keep from tripping forward with momentum. Gaining on her by inches through a longer stride; it wasn't until I reached the bottom of the small hill that I was finally within touching distance of her.

"Rose…Rose, you don't have to stop running, just slow down a little so that I can talk to you."

Digging her heels suddenly into the thawing ground, Rose swung around abruptly to face me. Swerving a little to avoid running into her, she was breathing hard as she glared. "Why?"

Slowing to a walk, my own breathing was as just as hard as I stopped a few feet away from her, but it had more to do with worry than physical exertion. I had no idea how she was going to react, or what the final outcome of this conversation would bring, and it made me nervous. "I know that you're angry with me, but please just let me talk to you."

"And again I ask, _why_? What is the point of talking to you, Dimitri? You might listen to what I say today, you might even agree to what I say today, but we both know that if something happens tomorrow, you'll decide on your own that everything needs to change."

Taking a step closer, her eyes narrowed dangerously, and she took a step backwards. "You have every right to be angry about that, and with me," I pacified, my voice mild, and undemanding, but I didn't try to get any closer to her. "But…"

"But, nothing, Dimitri. You've already made your decision, and clearly you've also already made your choice."

"Choice?" I asked warily, unsure of the dangerous glint in her eyes as she sidetracked me. "What do you mean?"

"Tasha." She uttered succinctly.

"Rose…"

"How _was_ dinner, comrade?" The term was normally used as a loose term of endearment, but there was nothing endearing about it now. "Did you enjoy Tasha's company? After all, you two have such _fun_ when you're together."

"Nothing happened..."

"I find that very hard to believe," she interrupted sarcastically, tersely crossing her arms across her chest. "I also find it very convenient that you decide we need to take a break, and two days later, your girlfriend Tasha arrives. Was that your plan all along? Sex with me until she got here, then you'd substitute one for the other?"

Offended by the idea, I snapped, "That's ridiculous," before sighing. Briefly I closed my eyes and tried to control my temper. "I would never be unfaithful to you, Roza. Whatever other problems we may have, that is the one thing that you should never question."

"Yeah? I also thought I could trust you, but I was obviously wrong about that, so why shouldn't I question everything you've ever said or done…and don't call me _Roza_." She spat, swiping at a strand of hair that had escaped the messy ponytail with an aggravated movement.

Expecting the fury, it was Rose's dogmatic, unforgiving stance that concerned me the most. I knew that it was a manifestation of the pain she felt; a physical outlet that was needed and there wasn't any better way of venting then lashing out at me. Deserving everything I got, it was better for her to get it off her chest now, so I wouldn't stop it…but it was also dangerous to let her go on for too long. I didn't want her caught up in her emotional turmoil and losing sight of what we needed to settle between us.

"Rose, if you'll just lis…"

"What happened between you and Tasha last year?"

Anticipating that she would throw this in my face, I wasn't surprised by it, but now wasn't the right time to start a conversation that was only going to upset her more. "You have nothing to worry about with Tasha, Rose."

"That's an evasion, not an answer. Something you're very good at." Laughing humourlessly to herself, Rose sighed heavily and looked out at the forest, talking without looking at me. "You know what, Dimitri? It doesn't matter anymore. If you want Tasha, then go to her. You turned down her offer last year, but I'm sure that she'll take you back with open arms if you ask nicely."

"You don't mean that."

Whipping her head around to look at me now, the coldly impersonal fury in her eyes frightened me more than her words did. "I _do_ mean it; she's welcome to you. I can't form a lasting relationship with someone that I don't trust."

Feeling the bottom of my stomach drop away, I had to lock my knees to keep them from buckling beneath me. Of all the things I had expected Rose to say, and I thought I had expected _everything_ ; this was not what I had ever thought I would hear from her. Not after the last time…not after Idaho.

Panicking, I couldn't think clearly enough to argue with her, and could only stutter out. "But…but you love me."

"Yeah, I do. Pathetic, right?" More upset with herself over this than with me; Rose rubbed at her temples tiredly. "I'll talk to Alberta about pairing me with another instructor for the rest of the year. I won't give a reason, but she probably won't ask for one." Turning away, her back was rigidly straight as she began to walk away from me…again.

The last time I had watched her do it I hadn't stopped her because I thought it was necessary, but it hadn't been. It had been a mistake...and not one that I was ever going to be stupid enough to repeat. Galvanized into action, I caught up to Rose in three strides. Curling my fingers around the tops of her shoulders, I spun her around to face me. Wide-eyed with surprise, the look was quickly replaced by fury as she struggled against my hold.

"Let me go, Dimitri!" Spitting between her teeth, Rose fought furiously as my fingers tightened.

"Never." I gritted out through teeth clenched just as tightly.

Trying to twist out from beneath my inescapable hold, Rose quickly realised that she was no match for my strength. Switching tactics, her training kicked in. Angling her body to the right, she turned her elbow outwards and rammed it into my stomach. Doubling over from the pain of impact, the hit winded me momentarily, but did not make me loosen my hold.

Curling my arms around her, I trapped her against my chest and pinned her arms to her side, glowering down at her as she continued to thrash about. "Stop it, Rose. Stop it and listen to me. I don't want, Tasha. I want you…I will always want you."

"I don't care what you want!" She screamed back; nostrils flaring and brown eyes blazing with fury, but at the corner of them, hidden in the depths, I could see the beginnings of moisture forming. The anger was still there, but the pain swelling beneath it was too strong to control. Blinking furiously against the welling of them, they wouldn't be stemmed.

Glaring murderously at me, either out of frustration or embarrassment, Rose closed her eyes and lowered her head, hoping that I wouldn't see them, but I had, and the sight of them hurt me almost more than I could stand.

"I'm sorry." I whispered in a thick, pained voice. Lowering my head, my lips brushed against the wet skin with the lightest of pressure, but instead of allowing the comfort and the kiss I so badly wanted, Rose jerked her head away to scowl threateningly at me.

" _You're sorry? You're sorry?"_ She spat furiously. "I'm so fucking tired of sorry, Dimitri. It doesn't change what's happened. It doesn't fix what you did. It won't stop you from doing it again!"

"I will _never_ again make the mistake of listening to Janine Hathaway."

Rose twisted her mouth into a scoffing sneer. " _Now_ it was a mistake? Three days ago you were adamant that it was the right thing to do. That she knew everything and nothing I could say would make any difference, so what's changed, comrade?"

" _Everything_."

Frowning at the raw sincerity in my voice, it seemed to momentarily knock some of the fight out of Rose.

Seeing this as my opportunity to finally clear the air, I wrapped her closer to my chest and started to talk quickly and quietly, holding her moist gaze. "I've spent the last few hours questioning every decision I've made over the last three days, and coming up with only one answer…I was wrong, and you were right."

"I know that means very little now because the mistake has already been made, and I've hurt you because of it, but I'm hoping that by explaining why I did what I did that morning in the forest, you'll understand my motivations. I'm not expecting you to forgive me, and I know that I might never earn back your trust, but I'm asking for you to listen anyway. Will you do that? Will you listen?"

Nodding slowly, Rose watched me warily.

"I had a fairly good idea that Janine would confront me and try to trick me into revealing the true nature of our relationship, and I was right. For the most part, I was able to deflect during our return to campus, which only seemed to make her angrier. But your mother is smart…and very, very manipulative. She could see that no matter which angle she tried, I wasn't going to slip up and tell her, so she tried the only angle that she had left to use against me…my guilt."

"She asked me to think about you, instead of myself, if I wasn't willing to answer her questions. She asked me to think about what it would do to you if it was revealed that our relationship wasn't strictly platonic. It would jeopardize your future…it would jeopardize your placement with Lissa and you would resent me for it, all because I was being selfish in continuing our relationship now, instead of after you had graduated, when it was safer."

"I knew she had no real idea of our relationship, and that she was only exploiting whatever weakness she could use against me, but that didn't seem to matter. At the time, all I could think was that she was right. How could she not be? She was your mother; surely she must have your best interest at heart? She could obviously see everything far more objectively then I was capable of, so why shouldn't I listen to her? That was when I decided that time apart was for the best. It wasn't what I wanted; being apart from you has been nothing short of agony, but I truly didn't know of any other way going forward."

"It was only after that I was made to see that what she was doing; she was doing for her own benefit, not yours. Her ulterior motive was to protect her future, not yours, but by the time I had learnt the truth, it was already too late. I had already made the decision that hurt you…hurt us, all because I let fear blind me, but worst of all because I wouldn't listen to you."

"I disregarded everything you said because I didn't think that you truly understood just how dangerous this was, but you did. You understood it better than I did, and I'm so, so sorry that I didn't listen, Rose, that I allowed Janine to create doubt, that I thought time apart would work. I thought that it was the best way to protect you, but all it's done is make both of us unhappy."

"I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to make amends for what I've done, or if you'll ever believe the sincerity of what I'm saying, but I can promise you one thing. I will never, _never_ make another decision concerning us again without talking to you first. And if you forgive me…if you give me another chance, I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you."

Silent for a long moment after my impassioned speech, Rose sighed heavily before lowering her spiky lashes and replying in an emotionless monotone. "Fine, you've explained. You're an idiot that was played by Janine Hathaway. Apology accepted. Now can you please let me go?"

Bothered by the dullness of her voice, my heart thumped painfully against my ribs at the realisation that my apology was too little, too late.

"It doesn't make any difference what I say to you, does it? You'll never forgive me." Waiting for her answer, the seconds passed painfully slow; the silence telling. Dropping my head, I miserably rested my forehead against hers. "Rose, please? Tell me what to do…tell me what to say to fix this."

Stiffening at my whispered plea, Rose blinked incredulously at me. " _Fix this_? It can't be fixed, Dimitri! Even if I could forgive you for treating me like a child, for ignoring everything that I wanted because you thought you knew better, for keeping me at arm's length because you thought it would solve the problem, which clearly it didn't, there is one thing that I will never forgive you for… _listening to my mother!"_

Enraged again, the supressed emotion thickened Rose's voice until it was a husky rasp. "I trusted you more than anyone in the world, even Lissa, but you betrayed that trust in the worst possible way…by choosing to allow Janine to tear us apart, by trusting her, instead of me! How could you do that? Anyone else I could have believed would do it, but not you…anybody but _you_!" Blinking at the tears now spilling over the rim of her lids, they steaked down her angrily flushed cheeks in trails of salty accusation.

Clutching her tightly to my torso, my fingers shook as they wiped them gently away. "Don't cry, _moye serdtse_. Please, don't cry." Undone by the gentleness of my touch, Rose sobbed brokenly against my chest; her tears scalding as they soaked into my t-shirt. Crooning softly to her, the words weren't important, only that they conveyed a sense of comfort.

Eventually quietening, Rose's sobs turns to sniffles as the tried to regain control of her emotions. Breathing in deep, shuddering lunges, she kept her face buried in my chest, but said nothing more. Lowering my head until my mouth was level with her ear; I spoke very softly into it, trying once again to communicate how sorry I was. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, your trust, or your love after what I've done, but I'm asking for them anyway, because living without them won't be living at all. Please give me another chance to prove that I'm worthy of them?"

There wasn't anything more that I could say. Now it was up to Rose to decide what she would do.

Waiting tensely for long moments, the silence as it drew out was unnerving. When there was nothing from her, no sound or movement, I began to fear the worst…that I was too late, that she wouldn't forgive me. Feeling as though my heart was too heavy for my chest, grief and despair rippled painfully throughout my body. Clutching her too tightly for comfort, I didn't know how I would survive letting her go now, much less losing her forever.

Almost hearing the seconds ticking away, a new kind of desperation seized me…the desperation to taste her just one more time. Tipping her chin up gently, my mouth traced over the ear I had spoken into. Kissing my way gently from the top of her jaw to the corner of her damp mouth, the faint taste of salt from her tears made me hesitate for a moment; unsure as to if she would allow it, but decided that if this was going to be our last kiss, I would risk it.

Moulding my lips to hers, the first touch of our mouths almost forced me to my knees in hunger. Controlling myself somehow, I kept the kiss very light; gently shaping her lips to my own without forcing anything on her, when all that the pleasure of the touch made me was greedy for more. Unresponsive at first, Rose didn't struggle or participate, but her natural aggression, coupled with the same need as my own eventually forced a response.

Tugging impatiently at her trapped arms, I released them before deepening the angle of our kiss. Looping them around my neck, Rose stood on the tips of her toes, clinging tightly as my own wrapped around her waist again and pulled her closer. Groaning at the pleasure of having her in my arms, my tongue tentatively ran along the seam of her closed lips, asking instead of taking, and she responded in a way that set the blood in my veins on fire.

Breaking away with a gasp before the kiss became combustible; Rose rested her head in the crook of my neck, struggling to regulate her breathing. My own wasn't much better. Skimming my lips lightly over her cheek as I tried to bring my raging arousal under control, Rose scratched lightly over my nape with the short edge of her nails. Pulling back a little, she looked at me with eyes that were still watering, but also very clear. She seemed to be assessing something.

"What is it?" I asked thickly, unable to stop the flare of hope from rising. She might have responded to my kiss, but that didn't mean anything.

"I hate that I can't stay mad at you. I hate that I can't hu…" Stopping, Rose dug her nails into the skin of my neck, but the small flare of pain was hardly noticeable. Glancing away, she looked almost guilty for admitting it, when she had nothing to be guilty about.

"You can, Rose." Softly compelling, my fingertips found her chin and turned her slowly to face me. "I was the one stupid enough to drive a wedge between us, and I know how much I've hurt you because of it, but that doesn't mean that I haven't been just as miserable as you have. I'm not trying to dismiss your pain…I'm trying to relate that I've suffered because of it too."

"Good. You deserve to suffer." Arching a sardonic brow, she dared me to argue.

"I do. I'm not going to argue with that."

"That's also good." Sighing, Rose ran the palms of her hands down the sides of my neck. Resting them on my chest, she searched for my heartbeat beneath the cotton and flesh. Resting her forehead just above my left pectoral, she pressed a light kiss over my heart before turning to press her ear against it. Hugging her tightly when she said nothing more, my optimism surged before I could stop it.

"Does this mean you've…forgiven me?"

"Are you prepared to grovel?"

"Yes!"

Bursting out a startled laugh at the vehemence of my swift response, Rose tilted her head back. Searching her eyes carefully, there was still fear and confusion, anger and pain there, but there was also acceptance, and what I hoped, was understanding. "I don't want you to grovel for forgiveness, Dimitri, but I might consider forgiving you if you teach me how to say, _'my boyfriend is a dick'_ , in Russian."

Knowing I deserved it, and more than happy at this point to give her anything she wanted, I enunciated every word carefully, grinning in approval as she repeated them effortlessly, mimicking my accent almost perfectly. "That was very good, Rose. I think you're going to pick up the language quickly."

"So does that mean you're actually going to teach me the language? I've only been asking for the better part of six months."

"Yes, I will teach you. Consider it part of my penance."

Rising to her toes again, Rose gently kissed me before sighing against my lips. "I don't want penance from you."

"You deserve it." Breathing into the kiss, it was different from the one before. There was no rush or desperation to it now, only a tentative reunion. There were still things that needed to be said and decisions that needed to be resolved, but this was at least a step in the right direction. Lingering for a second longer, Rose ended the kiss with a gentle tug of my bottom lip.

"I don't want penance, and I don't want to forgive you either, but it seems like I don't have any choice. I love you too much to punish you for much longer, even if you deserve it. But you need to understand that even though I get why you did what you did, what you _did_ was really crappy, Dimitri. You need to understand that because of it, I now have doubts about you that I never had before…that I _never_ thought I would have, and you need to understand that because of those doubts, it's going to take me a long time to trust you again."

Swallowing painfully around the lump in my throat, I nodded jerkily, resting my forehead against her. "I do understand, Rose. Truly, I do, and I'm not asking for your trust…not right now. I know that because of my stupidity, I have to prove that I'm worthy of it, and the only way I know how to do that is through time. Time for you to see how much I love you. Time for you to see that I will never make this mistake again…time for me to regain your trust."

Kissing down her nose, I pulled back a little to gauge her reaction. Holding my gaze steadily, the tears had most dried over her silky skin, and her eyes were clear and almost bottomless. Smiling gently, Rose looked calmer than I had ever seen her, but I was afraid that it was a false calm…like one before a storm.

"Well, I suppose I can give you time. We have enough of it."

Exhaling loudly at her reply, I needed to clarify everything, just to be on the safe side. "So…you forgive me?"

"Yes, I forgive you, and I accept your apology."

"And this time you mean it?"

"Yes, this time I mean it. I'm still not happy with you, but I can deal with that." Kissing me as gently as she had smiled, I was hungry for more by the time she broke the contact, but I didn't push. Cupping my face, her thumbs glided lightly beneath my eyes, and the soft pads of flesh that were heavy and dark.

"You look tired, comrade."

"I haven't had much sleep. Fighting with you isn't good for my peace of mind."

"You know the cure for that, right?"

"What?"

"Don't ever fight with me again."

"Easily done. Have you had much sleep?"

"No, not really. Last night was the first night since the attack that I've slept properly, but basically that was because I passed out from exhaustion by nine. I was up by four and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to go running…by using your name as a pass. Sorry."

"Don't be." Smoothing back stray hair escaping in the morning breeze, Rose turned her head towards my touch before frowning. Guessing that she was remembering something; something not all that pleasant, I tensed a little.

"You said earlier that you were _made_ to see that Janine was manipulating you. What did you mean?"

"Lissa."

"Lissa?" Pulling away, her brow crinkled quizzically, so I explained.

"During dinner last night, she spoke about your mother in a way that surprised me. She was harsh and very critical of Janine. In fact, I had never heard her be that unforgiving about anyone before. Certain I must have misheard or misunderstood her, I decided to ask about it whilst walking her and Christian back to housing."

"What did she say?"

"Basically the same things that you had."

Jerking away from me, Rose glared angrily. "So, you listened to Lissa about Janine, but not me?!" Writhing from my grip before I could answer, Rose almost slipped out from beneath my arms before I tightened them around her again. "No…no, I'm not letting you go until you've calmed down enough to listen to me."

Glaring mulishly, Rose waited with narrowed eyes. "Fine…explain."

"Lissa is an outsider. She has loyalty to you, yes, but she can see things from a different perspective because she's further removed. When she delivered the blunt truth about Janine, she wasn't influenced by our relationship because she doesn't know about it. That's what made me realise she knew the real Janine, and I didn't… that I had fucked up."

Arching a surprised brow at my choice of wording, it seemed to temporarily disarm Rose long enough to keep talking. "It's why I told you that I will never again listen to Janine Hathaway. You were also right about something else…if I'm not willing to defend our relationship now to someone who doesn't even know for certain that we have one, then there isn't much point to having one. And I want it, Rose. I want _us_ , no matter how difficult it might make things in the future; I will defend it against everyone."

Sighing unsteadily at my fervent promise, the anger drained from her as quickly as it had begun, and she relaxed against me again. "You should tell my mother that the next time you see her."

"I don't think we'll be talking for a while. Did you see her again after the tattoo ceremony?"

"No. I think she left right after the enquiry, but I don't know for sure."

"I'm sorry." Kissing her brow, Rose laughed without any real humour.

"I'm not. She's caused enough harm already."

"You know that's not what I'm sorry about, Roza."

Shrugging, Rose rested her chin on my chest. "Yeah, well…it's not like our relationship was going to get any better. Maybe it's for the best." Wrinkling her nose, she smiled. "You called me _Roza_."

"I'm testing the waters to see if I get my head bitten off again."

"Sorry. I was just so angry with you."

"I noticed."

Wincing almost guiltily now at my dry reply, Rose kissed my chin. "What happened at the enquiry?"

"Exactly what I expected."

"A witch-hunt?"

"Yeah." Running through the details, it wasn't until I was halfway through my testimony that I realised just how much I had missed talking to her. Not just because she was the one person I could talk to about anything, but because her opinions, although sometimes completely illogical, mattered to me more than any other.

"This Marston woman sounds like a real bitch, and you basically told her and the other council members that there system is a failure," Rose muttered once I was done. "Are you sure she's not going to be a problem later? What happens if you have to go to Court to testify again?"

"If that happens, I'll deal with it; you don't have to worry about it."

"Are you sure? What if you said something in there that Guardian Marston didn't like?"

"I'm sure I said lots of thing's she didn't like, Roza, but I was careful with her. We all were. Tasha had warned me before the enquiry that she was an integrator, not an investigator, and that we all had to be guarded about what we said to her, so we all went in with our eyes wide open." Thumbing her bottom lip, it tightened at the mention of Tasha's name.

"Rose…please don't start the Tasha thing again." I begged before she could say a word, not wanting to go backwards when we were finally making progress.

"Then just tell me what happened last year! I won't hold it against you; we weren't together then, and I promise that I won't get mad…okay, okay, I probably will," she backtracked when she saw my scowl. "But I would prefer to know. You know I didn't mean what I said earlier about not wanting you and that you should go to her, but every time I think about her, or see the two of you together, my imagination runs wild. Honestly, at this point, not knowing is probably worse than knowing, so will you please, please just tell me?"

"Are you sure knowing isn't worse than not knowing, Rose? In all the time we've had together, I've had plenty of opportunities to ask about what happened between you and Mason last year, yet I never have. Now why do you think that is?"

"That's different!"

"How?"

"Because up until five days ago I was a virgin, so you know that I didn't have sex with him!" Clamping her mouth shut at her outburst, Rose bit her lip and avoided my penetrating stare, angry heat crawling up her neck and spreading along her cheeks as she blurted out the true reason for her question.

"So that's what you really want to know…if I slept with Tasha."

"Like I said. We weren't together, and…"

"No, _moye serdtse_."

Narrowing her eyes suspiciously as she faced me again, Rose demanded. " _No_ , you're not going to tell me or _No_ , you didn't sleep with her?"

"No, I didn't sleep with her. Not even close." Brushing my mouth over her brow, the tender caress settled her a little. "You know that I was desperate last year to prove that I could cut all emotional ties with you, but desperation isn't any kind of excuse for using someone like that. That's not how I was raised…that's not who I am."

Holding her gaze steadily, Rose searched my features intently, looking for any nuance or inflection that would belie the truth of what I had just told her. When all she could see was sincerity, the tension keeping her so rigidly upright melted away. Keeping her locked tightly to me, I took her sagging weight.

"You believe me, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Good, I'm happy that you do, and relieved. I was worried that after what's happened, you would question everything I said to you."

"No. I'm not going to questioned everything, Dimitri…I'm just going to be more cautious, for a little while at least."

"Fair enough. And on a different, but not unrelated topic, you'll be happy to know that I told Tasha last night that there was never going to be anything more than friendship between us. There have been enough misunderstandings already, and I didn't want any more."

"Thank you, but you've told her that before, and it didn't stop her."

"I know, and that's my fault. I should never have encouraged her last year, but…"

"Yeah, I know. I was stupid too…with Mason. So what are you going to do?"

"Wait and see. I don't think she could have misunderstood my feelings last night."

"Were you harsh with her?"

"Not harsh exactly, but I could have handled it better."

"Why didn't you? It's not like you to be rude."

"All I was thinking about was you."

Smiling and trying to hide it, Rose nibbled on my chin. "Well, then…maybe she'll get the point this time?"

"Maybe." I agreed, angling my head so that her lips could better reach mine. Standing in the warming, morning light whilst we kissed languidly, it was a moment I wanted to stay in for as long as I could, but realty, as always, was an unwelcome intruder.

"We need to go, Roza. You're going to be late for class if we don't."

Grumbling, Rose checked my watch. "If we have to."

Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, I smiled. "We do. Come on." Taking her hand, I pulled her up the hill and back towards the plains I had chased her over earlier. Walking closely together, it amazed me at how quickly our perfect synchronicity had reformed itself. I wasn't foolish enough to think that all our problems had miraculously been solved, and that nothing else would ever drive us apart, but I did feel more optimistic about the future.

"You called me something earlier…in Russian. What does it mean?"

" _Moye Serdtse_?" At her nod, my voice softened. "My heart…which you are." Smiling almost shyly, Rose rested her head against my arm, and allowed me, for the moment, to lead her back to where we both belonged.


	9. Chapter 9

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. Your loyalty means the world to me. Thanks also to everyone for the info on the whole grade /moon patterns system.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Nine

"I know that you think you're… _ugh_ , making sense…, _ugh_ , but you really… _ugh_ , aren't."

Holding a perfect back-bridge position for five seconds, Rose lowered herself slowly to the exercise mat and pulled her knees to her chest to stretch out the burning, cramping muscles of her abdomen. Rocking back and forth for a few seconds, she rolled to her left and began lateral v-sits.

"Keep them nice and tight, Rose. The movements need to be smooth and controlled for maximum effect. Make the muscles in your abdominal and hip region do the work for you. Good. That's very good. Now, what doesn't make any sense to you?"

"This Russian nonsense."

Snickering around her, the other seniors in the gym continued to mirror the same core-strengthening exercises whilst laughing at her irritation. They, like me, found it amusing that after so many months of pestering me to teach her the language, she was now complaining about it.

When I had agreed this morning to teach her Russian as part of my penance, Rose had happily agreed without giving the intricacies of the language much thought. Starting our first lesson on the way back to campus, she had demanded to be taught all the code-words we used in emergency situations. Grasping them quickly, the look of disgust scrunching up her features had made me pause before she had begun to vent about the failures of guardian protocol for neglecting to teach the seniors their code-words.

She had made the argument that all the seniors should be taught them now, instead of closer to graduation; pointing out that if they had, there might not have been as much chaos when the campus has been attacked.

Agreeing with her, I had discussed it with Alberta, and she had hadn't raised any objections to the idea; also, it was a good enough excuse to use without anyone raising any eyebrows as to why I was teaching her. Deciding that the afternoon gym session was as good a place to start as any, it was also the first time that day that all the seniors would be in the same place.

Crouching beside her now, I made as though this was a lesson for all of them, rather than just her. "Russian is a necessary language that all of you have to learn, Rose. All of our code words are in Russian…like the ones used during the attack. Normally you would be taught this after trials, but given what's happened, Guardian Petrov felt that now was as good a time as any."

Catching the sardonic gleam in her eyes, I straightened away and walked amongst the others. "Just remember that when I began learning English, it sounded just as foreign to my ears as Russian does to yours. You'll all learn the differences."

"How long did it take you to learn, Guardian Belikov?"

Walking to Eddie to answer his question, his jaw was clenched tightly with the strain of holding a perfect plank position for the better part of a minute. "Not long, but I had a head start. My mother kept many books in our home that were in English, so it was something that I was already familiar with. Don't let it worry you, Eddie," I encouraged when I saw his dubious expression. "From what I've heard already, you'll pick it up very quickly. You have a good ear for the nuances."

"Thank you, Guardian Belikov." He huffed, lowering himself to the mat.

"Kiss ass."

Grinning at Rose's taunt, he winked at her before rolling into v-sits. Talking amongst themselves for a few seconds, the friendly banter between the seniors didn't last for long as they got back to training. It was hard to rationalise that only five days ago we had survived the caves, but for the seniors, it was once again all business.

There seemed to be a renewed purpose to their training today. They were all pushing themselves harder, farther, faster, which was a good thing because they were about to be told that starting tomorrow morning, their training would be stepped up to the next level…a level that was usually only taught just before trials, which were still months away.

Wanting to make sure that he was involved in the training before he returned to Court at the end of the week, it had been Konrad that had made the suggestion over breakfast this morning. Fully expecting resistance from the others over the seniors being taught more advanced combat techniques; techniques that enabled lethal force and essentially weaponised the seniors in hand-to-hand combat that relied on weaponless combat, there had been none at all. There wasn't a guardian on campus that would argue that the seniors hadn't earned the right.

Catching his eye at the other end of the gym, he glanced at the clock over the door as it counted down the minutes to 6pm and nodded before murmuring to the seniors he had been instructing. He had thought it would be a good idea to talk to them before the end of the session about what they could expect for tomorrow morning's session.

"Okay, everyone. That's enough for today. Guardian Medvedev and I have something important to talk to you about." Meeting curious eyes as the seniors rolled to sitting positions, stretched aching muscles and reached out for a towel or water bottle, Rose was one of them.

I hadn't spoken to her about the new regime during our shift together today because there was no time to fully show her the rigors of it whilst on boundary patrol, but I hoped that during our run in the early hours of tomorrow morning, I would be able to give her a more depth instruction. It was better that she knew what to expect, though I had no fear that she wouldn't be able to master it.

Watching her now as those at the back of the gym joined those in the front, she was stretched out over her extended left leg whilst Eddie dumped a towel over her head, rested back on the palms of his hands and waited for the reaction. Never one to disappoint, Rose completed her stretched, calmly lifted the towel off her head before quickly whipping it into a damp rope and lashing out with it. Catching it with a laugh, Eddie pulled at it whilst Rose yanked the opposite way and a playful game of tug-o-war broke out.

"All right, all right. Everyone, pay attention, please." Konrad called out without any real heat, shaking his head at their antics. "This morning, Guardian Petrov granted Guardian Belikov and I, permission to begin training you all in advanced tactical manoeuvres not normally taught until trials."

"What kind of training, Guardian Medvedev?" Dean asked with a sigh, running a towel over the damp nape of his neck.

"Weaponless."

Murmuring amongst themselves, the students had been tired a moment ago, but were now re-energized with curiosity. Pulling his stake from its sheath, Kon twirled it nimbly between his fingers until it spun in an arcing silver blur. "You've all been taught that your stake is your most valuable weapon against the Strigoi, and that's not wrong, but there is always a chance that your stake will not be on hand to use when protecting a Moroi, or defending yourself. What this training will do is teach you to kill…without it."

"So starting tomorrow morning, the stakes will be left one side and you will be pitted against not only each other, but the guardians. Now, you might be thinking that this is like the field experience that was abandoned due to the attack…it isn't. Not in any way. What you faced before was child's play in comparison to what you'll be facing come tomorrow. You have a question, Ryan?"

"We were given dummy stakes for the field experience to make our kills, Guardian Medvedev," he emphasised the word with air quotes. "How are we meant to do the same in this case without actually harming each other?"

"You'll be taught to subdue each other first," I replied. "To gain the upper hand. Then you'll be taught how best to eliminate your opponent…on special dummies."

"Dummies? We've been using training dummies since we were kids. What kind of dummies are these?"

"Very realistic ones, Eddie. Life-sized ones. Like nothing you've ever trained with before. They're made of a special latex that simulates skin, flesh and organ as well as artificial cartilage that acts like bone and sinew. Once you've perfected your techniques, you'll move on to each other, with supervision, and then the guardians."

At that, the gleam of curiosity in the novice's eyes turned to eagerness. None of the seniors had passed up any opportunities to exact revenge against the guardians during the field experience, and would have been disappointed by it being cut short. This was another opportunity that would be too good to pass up by any of them…and Rose was no exception.

Watching me over the rim of her water bottle as she drank, her hand slowly stretched upwards and I had to suppress a grin as I responded to it.

"Yes, Rose?"

"Before the field experience started, Guardian Petrov told us not to hold back against our opponents. That the only thing that mattered in a life and death situation was winning, no matter what we had to do to achieve it. Does the same thing apply here?"

Low chuckles sounded around her as the others followed her thought pattern. Rose in particular had enjoyed going up against the instructors that for so long had doubted her abilities, and when pitted against me, had proven them all wrong, but being pitted against me now was going to be more than just revenge.

She was probably going to enjoy that more than she should have because I had been stupid enough to give her reason to.

"Are you asking if it's all right to actually try and kill your instructors, Rose?"

"Yes."

Laughing at the dry flippancy of her answer, the other seniors had no idea that with me, she might actually mean that literally.

"No, Rose," Kon replied, fighting a grin. "You can't. Although from what I've heard you did to the Strigoi involved in the attack, I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to see you go up against them."

Frowning, Rose looked briefly between us. "You're involved too, aren't you?"

"Yes, but only until Saturday. I've been recalled to Court and will fly out on Sunday."

Clearly disappointed by this, the seniors muttered to each other. Kon had only been here a short time, but he had made a lasting impression on the students here with his personable nature and his willingness to always listen to what they had to say instead of dismissing it.

"But that's still a few days off...won't we be ready by then?"

"No, Meredith. This kind of training is very advanced and very technical. Your general knowledge of anatomy isn't going to help you here. You have to be taught all over again. This kind of training could honestly take weeks." Glancing at the clock, the hands indicated it was just after 6pm. "Right. Gym is over for today. Time to hit the showers and then off to dinner."

Getting to their feet and collecting their mats to stow, the students were in no particular hurry as they headed to the storeroom. With the day schedule and curfew still in place, they were all beginning to feel a little caged in with a routine they were still unfamiliar with. There had been talk earlier about the schedule reverting to normal within a day to two, but nothing had been decided yet.

Watching as the others left the storeroom, Rose still hadn't by the time I had collected the last of the floor mats. Wanting time alone with her, I had to get rid of Kon first. Feeling his gaze on me, I turned to him as he looped a towel around his neck.

"Hathaway is a little bloodthirsty, isn't she?"

"That's an understatement."

"They're all very impressed with her."

"They should be," I confirmed, trying hard to keep the pride from showing. "She took _me_ out during the field experience."

"You didn't let her?"

"No, I did not."

"Well, damn. I really am going to regret not seeing that."

"You're concern for my safety is touching, Kon."

Grinning widely, he sauntered out of the gym, calling over his shoulder. "See you at dinner."

Pushing through the swinging doors as soon as I was certain Kon would be more than halfway back to guardian housing, I found Rose stacking the mats on the racking attached to the back wall. Listening carefully for anymore around, all I could hear was the rush of water from the showers adjacent to us as I closed in on her.

Since our return to campus this morning, we had been kept apart for most of it by a busy schedule. Apart from boundary patrol earlier, there hadn't been much opportunity for us to spend any real, quality time together. Knowing that I was taking a huge risk as I curled my arms around her waist and pulled her back against my body, the consequences of being caught didn't seem that dire any more.

Everything between us still felt too raw...too fragile. I needed this, as reassurance against the underlying fear that she would never fully forgive or trust me again. Burying my nose against the messy topknot, I inhaled the faint mixture of sweat and citrus deeply before murmuring. "So…should I be worried that I have a target on my back?"

"You're a guardian; you always have a target on your back."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Oh, you mean should you be worried that if we go up against each other, I'm going to take it personally? Then the answer is yes, you should be worried."

"Is this punishment? I thought you said you didn't want penance from me."

"I changed my mind."

Turning her around, I kept my arms around her, smiling at the playful glint in her eyes, but also a little worried about the spark of retribution I could see there. "Thank you for the warning."

"Well, seem as how I've kicked your ass once before, the odds aren't in your favour, comrade. I thought it only fair."

"This is going to be a little bit different, Rose."

"Different, how?"

"I'll show you tomorrow morning. During our run."

"No," she howled before looking at the door worriedly and lowering her voice. "I don't want to run tomorrow morning."

"Why not? You ran this morning."

"This morning I had a dick for a boyfriend. Running was necessary to stop from punching someone."

"Tomorrow is just as necessary, but for different reasons."

"Fine," she grumbled. "Where are we meeting?"

"We're not. I will fetch you from housing or I'll end up in the same situation as this morning."

"What time?"

"6am?"

"Too early, but if I argue, you'll make it earlier."

"Would I do that to you?'

"Yes!"

Laughing softly at the conviction of her answer, I was about to tease her again, but saw her frown a little as she thought of something. "How is Alberta? She seemed…a little distracted when she was talking to us about the Alchemists this morning."

Told this morning after breakfast that the Alchemists would return later in the week to be officially introduced to the seniors, none of them could have failed to see the strain she was under. I had already told Rose what had happened during the inquest, but it wouldn't have taken long for the rest of the academy to find out.

"After everything that's happened, she's finding it a little difficult to resettle into any kind of familiar daily routine. We've all taken it upon ourselves to lessen the burdens that she carries, but there was only so much we could do."

"Is there anything we can do? The seniors, I mean."

"You are already, Roza. Helping with the patrols, stepping up to the kind of responsibilities that none of you should have to shoulder yet. It's been a great help to all of us." Kissing her forehead, I cuddled her closer, reluctant to let her go even as I heard the noise level rise and the showers run dry. We wouldn't be alone for much longer.

"I have to shower before the hot water is used up, comrade."

"I know."

Pulling away from my hold, she didn't get very far. Grinning up at me, her lips curled mockingly. "You do know that if we're caught, it's _your_ ass that's going to be deported back the Motherland, right?"

"Would you miss me if I am?" Bending over her, I nuzzled against her ear as the arc of sexual heat flaring between us was hot enough to feel like I had a fever boiling through my blood. I could feel it was the same for her in the way she arched against me, the change in her breathing as it became faster and more shallow, the flush working its way up her neck…she was as helpless to it as I was.

"Parts of you."

"Which parts?"

Curling her fingers into the thin fabric of my sweatshirt, Rose whispered something against the hot skin of my neck, but the words were too low for even my ears to make out. About to ask what she had said, she opened her mouth and licked delicately at the base of my throat, where the pulse beat violently against the skin before she bit me.

It was a light bite. Not even hard enough to leave a mark, but the carnality of it made me shudder and twitch beneath her touch. Crushing her against my chest, my fingers trembled as I cupped her face as gently as I could…as gently as my need allowed, and tilted her face upwards to kiss her. Gentle at first, the restraint didn't last long as Rose curved herself around me and hooked her arms around my neck.

Groaning tightly, the feel of her sent an electric jolt to the soft flesh of my cock. Instantly erect, the ache of desire erased all other thoughts. Bending over Rose, my hands slide down the outer curves of her thighs before cupping her buttocks and lifting her off her feet. Nestling my rigid flesh against the hot notch of her thighs, my hips rocked; searching for the perfect friction.

Moaning, Rose dugs her nails into the skin at the back of my neck, clinging tightly, but as I began to move us backwards, she let go of me and I was forced to catch her sagging weight. Loud laughter broke through my haze as the seniors left the showers. Rose had heard it, whilst I hadn't, but I had felt her withdrawal a split second before and ignored it.

Gently kissing my lower lip, Rose resettled on her feet and pulled away, watching me wryly as the sound of the seniors filled the gym, but I knew she was using it as an excuse. I could feel her caution. She was wary…of me.

Forcing myself to let her go when all I wanted was to hold her tighter, I nodded once and stepped away from her; uncomfortably aroused and filled with a kind of dread that could only barely be controlled. "I'll see you in the morning. Enjoy dinner."

"You too."

"Try and eat something healthy."

"Only if you'll eat something unhealthy." Winking at me as she left, I tried to rid myself of the disappointment I could feel, but it was easier said than done as I left the gym for housing and the showers there – a very cold shower. I knew it would take time; she had told me as much, but knowing something in advance didn't always make it easier to accept.

Dinner passed in a blur. The conversation hadn't changed much over the past few days, and meals now was almost automatic, which was good, because I didn't really taste any of what I was eating. Staying as long as I was obligated to, I excused myself and headed for my room; looking for the solace of solitude. Quiet and dark when I reached it, there was a kind of comfort in the silence.

My mind wasn't as silent as my surroundings as I undressed, but I did find that I was tired and for the first night in what felt like a very long time, I might actually be able to sleep. Shrugging out of my shirt, my fingers had just begun to unbuckle my belt when the phone beside my bed pealed shrilly with the lobby indicator light flashing bright green in the semi-darkness.

"Yes?"

"Good evening, Guardian Belikov. I'm sorry to disturb you, but there's an external call being transferred to you from administration – long distance. Would you like to take it here, or should I transfer it to your room?"

 _Long distance?_ Instantly curious, I was also more than a little worried. There were very few people I knew who would contact me long distance, so it was more than likely not an acquaintance, but my family…and that is what worried me. They hadn't known where I was assigned, so to find me meant having to go to Moroi to track me down, Moroi I didn't want them associating with because if they did you a simple favour, they expected far more in return.

They were ruthless, unscrupulous and dangerous…and the worst of them was Ibrahim Mazur.

Based primarily in Europe and of Turkish origin, very little was known about him, except by reputation. A non-royal, this made very little difference to the power and influence he yielded. If he did you a favour, it wasn't out of the goodness of his heart; you would be indebted to him for the rest of your life. My family knew that…knew his reputation, so to resort to that meant they had to be desperate and something was very, very wrong.

Momentarily pushing aside my worries over Rose, my answer was automatic. "My room, please. Thank you."

Waiting for the call to be transferred, all I could hope for was that I wrong, that I was over-reacting, but I knew that I was hoping for too much. What was wrong? Was there a problem my mother? Grandmother? One of my sisters? Nephew? I knew that Karolina had been pregnant last year, and that by now she should have had her second child…maybe there was a problem with the baby?

Hearing the connection finally pick up, my fingers gripped the portable so tightly I could feel the plastic begin to crack beneath the pressure.

"Hello?"

Faint crackling travelled along the line before the familiar voice of my mother could be heard.

" _Dimka?"_

"Mamochka."

Relief at hearing the sound of her voice – even over a line that wasn't clear and carried a faint transatlantic delay – warred strongly with the memories of home it evoked. I didn't often give into the melancholy of homesickness, but even with the worry about my family, that was exactly what hearing Olena Belikova's voice had done.

" _Oh, Dimka. Finally."_ Slipping automatically into her native Russian, my mother was clearly too agitated to remember her English, which was excellent. _"We have been trying to find you for days. Are you all right?"_

" _I'm fine, Mamochka, really."_ Answering in Russian, there didn't seem any point in trying to speak to her in English. _"How is everyone at home? Yeva, Karolina, Sonja, Viktoria, Paul…the baby?"_

" _They're all good, Dimka. I'm sorry; I should have said that first. I didn't mean to worry you."_

Sitting on the edge of the bed, the reassurance that my family was safe and healthy made my legs feel a little weak. Closing my eyes, I scrubbed a hand tiredly over my face. _"Good. That's good to hear, Mamochka."_ Remembering the other underlying concern, I asked. _"How did you find me?"_

Silent for so long I thought that we had lost the connection, I had to prompt a reply. _"Mamochka? Are you there? Did you hear me?"_

" _Yes, Dimka. I'm here and I did hear you. I just know you're not going to like my answer."_

Exhaling warily, she was right; I wouldn't like the answer if it was who I thought it was. _"Please tell me that you didn't use Ibrahim Mazur to find me?"_

" _What choice did I have, Dimka? He was the only one who could find you, the only one who had the resources to find you. We didn't know where you had been assigned, and Yeva was panicking. Tell me what you would have done in my position?"_

Hearing that my mother's agitation was no longer with searching for her missing son, but for that son's lack of understanding for her fear, I felt ashamed for making her feel guilty and tried to make amends. _"It's okay. I understand. You had no choice and that was my fault. I should have told you where I was once I arrived in Montana. I'm sorry."_

Consoled a little by my apology, Olena sighed and I could almost see her shake her head in exasperation. It would be the same look that I got as a child for eating all the Borodinsky bread before my sister's had been able to have a single slice. _"Why was Yeva panicking, Mamochka?"_

" _She felt something a few days ago. Felt a danger to you, Dimka. A danger so strong that she would not rest until we had found you. Was she wrong to have panicked, Dimka? Was she wrong to have insisted in involving Zmey?"_

Just hearing that name made me want to shout yes, but I knew that I couldn't…not after the attack. Known as a _Predskazatel_ in Russian, her skills were very similar to Rhonda's and how she had made her living for many years. Seen as either a blessing or a curse, it was something she had always taken very seriously, and so my sister's and I had been raised not only to acknowledge the existence of the unexplainable, but to respect it too.

" _No…no, she wasn't wrong, Mamochka,"_ I calmed my mother _. "The academy was attacked five days ago. We lost many, but rescued many as well. I'm bruised and battered, but not badly injured."_

" _How?"_

" _The wards were broken. I can't tell you more than that."_

" _But…"_ Cut off suddenly, there was a scuffling noise in the background whilst Olena argued with someone and my grandmother's grizzled voice was heard.

" _Dimka?"_

" _Babushka."_

Rattling off in Russian, there was no English from her either, though she knew the language as well as my mother. _"Are you wearing it, Dimka?"_

" _Wearing what, Babushka?"_

" _The medallion, boy."_

Glancing down at the silver Saint Michael's medallion, I frowned as my fingers automatically picked it up from where it lay against my chest. _"Yes...is that how you felt there was danger? Through that?"_

Made from platinum mined in the Ural Mountains, it had been in my family for three generations. My grandmother had it smelted and made into identical Saint Michael medallions when my mother had been born; she had worn one, and given the other to her newborn daughter. When I left Baia for Saint Basil's, my mother had given me hers and Yeva had kept the other.

Yeva had always claimed that the two were linked, as they had been split from a single piece of platinum, and that she could almost _feel_ the other person who wore it. I hadn't entirely believed her, but after this, how could I question it now?

Silent for a few seconds, Yeva didn't answer my question, but said instead _. "Listen carefully to me, boy. You need to give it away...freely, and of your own choosing."_

" _Babushka...it's been in the family for three generations. Why would I give it away?"_

" _For protection."_

" _From what? And to whom?"_

" _The one that you value the most. You must give it to the one you value the most to protect them."_

Feeling the hair on my nape stand on end, the omen was so similar to what Rhonda had told me that it sent chills down my spine. _"How?"_

" _I don't know, but if you give them the medallion, the bond will connect us."_

" _You'll be linked to Rose?"_ Snapping my mouth closed, I realised too late that I had already said too much.

" _What is her name?"_

It was pointless denying; Yeva's ears might be old, but they were still sharp. " _Rose. Rosemarie Hathaway."_

" _She is not the Dragomir Princess."_

" _No, she isn't."_

" _But she means more to you than her...than your duty and the honour of your family?"_

Again, there was no point in denying it. I knew my secret would be safe with her. " _Yes, Babushka. She does."_

" _So be it. Give it to her. Do not question me. Do not disobey me."_

" _Tell me what you've seen...what you've felt. Babushka…Yeva!"_

Listening to the dialling tone as the call was disconnected, I glared at the phone before slotting it back into the charging dock and cursed viciously beneath my breath. I didn't know what she had seen. I didn't know what she had felt, but I knew better than to argue with my grandmother. If she wanted me to give the medallion to Rose, then that was exactly what I would do.

With her birthday only a few days away, it would make for the perfect gift and wouldn't raise too many questions from her as to why I had given it to her. She knew that none of us had been allowed into town, so giving her a family heirloom as a gift was the perfect solution.

Flopping backwards onto the bed, I rubbed at my tired eyes, but knew that sleep was a long way off. The dread in the pit in my stomach was now no longer caused by my fear that Rose would never fully trust me again, but by a different kind of fear altogether. Was I going to lose her some other way? Was she in any real danger?

Staring up into the darkness, I had no way of knowing that. All I knew was that Rhonda's prediction had been circumvented, but would Yeva's be as easily avoided?


	10. Chapter 10

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: It was great to hear from so many of you. I'm really glad that you've stuck with me, and to those who are new reviewers, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate every one of them. I'm sorry about the problems with reviewing Chapter 9. Hopefully you won't have any issues with Chapter 10. Enjoy.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Ten

Brushing aside the low hanging branch of a newly foliated fir, heavy drops of dew from the dense fog that had blanked the land shortly before dawn fell into my hand from the spiny needles. Cold to the touch, it matched the temperature of the murky air. Looking out beyond the edge of the thicket of trees just off the road leading the main gates, the small field I had chosen for our morning training was perfectly hidden from view by the murkiness that not even the sun had managed to break through yet.

"This is a good spot, Roza."

"For what?" She grouched, glaring at me through the fog as we left the copse and walked into the clearing. "I can barely see you."

"Don't exaggerate; you can see me fine."

Churlishly curling her lip at my gentle rebuke, Rose unzipped the light jacket she had worn during our run and tied the sleeves around her waist, revealing the pale purple t-shirt she wore. Swinging her arms around, she began to warm up her upper body in preparation, despite all her grumbling.

Pulling her out of bed earlier than we had agreed, to say that she had been grouchy was putting it lightly, but worry had kept me on edge most of the night, and the only thing that had settled it had been seeing with my own eyes that she was fine. Even now I watched her closely, and although there was nothing there that I could see to cause any alarm, Yeva's warning still continued to play on a relentless loop inside my head.

 _Where_ was the danger? _What_ was the danger? How could I stop it, if I could stop it at all?

Physically, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with Rose. She was young…strong…healthy. Lissa was still on her meds, so the threat of the negative side effects from their bond didn't seem likely to be the issue. With the wards properly restored, the ghosts she had seen had been banished, so they posed no further threat to her wellbeing.

Every danger I already knew to look for didn't worry me…it was what I didn't know to look for that did. I could fight an enemy if I knew what it was, and where it was coming from, but I knew neither in this case. All I could do right now was keep a closer eye on her until I was able to give her the medallion for her birthday tomorrow. I wasn't foolish enough to think that the silver talisman could keep her from danger, but at least it would provide me some measure of comfort.

Copying her warm-up exercises, it was only when bending to stretch out the dorsi muscle in my lower back that I noticed one of my laces had come undone during the run. Crouching to tie it again, I heard Rose's voice ask quietly.

"Are you okay?"

Looking up whilst my fingers tied the laces, I kept my expression smooth. "Why do you ask?"

"You seem preoccupied during the run, not that you ever really talk much, but something about you seems…a little off this morning."

Smiling wryly to myself as I lowered my head again to finish with the shoelace, I should have known I couldn't fool her; she knew me too well to ignore the obvious. All night I had wrestled with the idea of telling Rose about Yeva's premonition. After all, it was about her; didn't she deserve to know? But ultimately I had decided against it. She wouldn't believe me, and I certainly couldn't give her proof of what Yeva's warning had meant.

For me, it was an act of faith to believe that Yeva's warning was to be taken seriously, but Rose wasn't going to be as easily convinced. I had seen her scepticism at Rhonda's reading, and after, when I had explained on the tarmac waiting for the plane that Yeva had a similar ability, so there wasn't much point, but I had made the promise with myself to be as honest with her as I could, so that's what I would do.

"I got a call from my family."

Straightening up from her stretch, there was a look of surprise on her face; her bad mood forgotten. "Oh. Well, that's great. You said before you hadn't talked to them in a long time, right? Are they okay?"

"They're all good."

"What was the call about?"

"They were looking for me. I hadn't told them where I had been assigned after leaving Europe, and were worried about me." It wasn't exactly a whole lie, but it also wasn't the whole truth. Frowning, Rose folded her arms over her chest and rubbed her hands up along her arms for warmth against the chill in the air.

"What do you mean you hadn't told them where you had been assigned?"

"Security protocols. Guardian assignments – especially when assigned to a Royal or in the academies – aren't made public information. We aren't allowed to reveal where we are, even to our own families. It's seen as a security risk." I felt a slow burn of anger singe the pit of my stomach as I thought of those protocols. Because of them, my family owed a favour to the last Moroi in the world I would have ever wanted them indebted to.

"That's just dumb," Rose condemned, her nose wrinkling in disgust. "That's the same line of thinking behind the _wards couldn't be weakened_ and _Strigoi don't join forces_."

"My thoughts exactly. Many of the council's procedures still have relevance, but many of them are also outdated. It's part of the reason behind Tasha's push to change things. They need to accept that change is the only way forward. If the Strigoi can adapt, then so too, must we."

"Have you seen her?"

"Tasha?"At Rose's nod, I shook my head. "No. Not since dinner two nights ago. Why do you ask?"

Shrugging, Rose fiddled with the knot at her waist. "She knows all about your family, doesn't she?"

"She does." Not understanding at first why this would be an issue for her, I soon realized that despite my reassurances to Rose about the nature of my relationship with Tasha, there was still uncertainty and doubt because of our shared history. She was the one that I loved, yet she knew next to nothing about my family whilst Tasha knew everything. It was another mistake on my part, and one that I planned on fixing right now.

"Can I tell you about my family?"

Nodding, Rose crossed her arms behind her back and stretched out and up. "I know a little. I've heard about your father, who isn't in the picture any more. Your mother, who obviously misses you, that you have three sisters and that your grandmother might or might not be a witch."

"I didn't call her a witch, Rose." Although maybe that wasn't far off from the truth.

"Yeah, you called her a…what was that word again?"

"A _vrajitoare_."

"You said that was Romanian, right?"

"Right."

"What would you call her in Russian?"

"There are many words for it, but _Predskazatel_ is probably the most accurate."

Repeating it, her pronunciation was a little off. Correcting her, she repeated it again and I grinned in approval because, despite all of her complaints, she did have a natural ear for the language. Grinning back, she raised a brow for me to continue. "I'm the third of four children. My two older sisters are Karolina and Sonja; the younger is Viktoria. I have a nephew, Paul, who is ten and Karolina's oldest. She just had another child, though I don't know what she had."

"Uncle Dimitri?" Rose teased.

"Yes, Uncle Dimitri." Returning her smile, it slowly faded with the realisation that I had been so preoccupied with my concerns for my family and then Rose, that I hadn't even stopped to ask my mother what my sister had had, or even what the child's name was.

"Do you look alike?"

"We do colouring wise, though that's where the resemblance ends. Our personalities are all very different."

"Who are you closest too?"

"Sonja is closer in age, but it's probably Karolina. She's very level headed, whilst Sonja is impetuous…impulsive. Like you," I grinned as Rose scowled. "Viktoria is quiet and was very young when I left home."

"Did you talk to them?"

"No. Just my mother and grandmother; Olena and Yeva."

"Do you have any cousins?"

"Not that I know of. My mother is an only child, and I don't have the faintest clue as to the family of the man she chose to father her children." Hearing the resentment in my voice, it surprised me. I had thought that I was beyond it by now, but obviously there was something still there; buried deep enough to have not recognized it until it reared its ugly head.

"Have you ever thought about looking for him? Just to find out if you have any other family?"

"No. I have my family. I don't need to look for someone who doesn't know the meaning of the word," Twisting a strand of hair trailing over her shoulder around my forefinger, I tugged gently. "Have you ever thought about looking for yours?"

Staring out into the fog, Rose was quiet for a long moment before answering. "When I was younger, but only because I thought that he couldn't possibly be any worse a parent than Janine." Shaking her head slowly, she gave a short laugh that had no real humour in it. "Your father might be a crappy parent, comrade, but at least you know his first name."

"True, but there are days when I wished that I didn't."

"I don't have any information about mine," she continued, sadness I didn't think she even realised was there, underlining every word. "Other than I inherited his dark hair colour, brown eyes and skin tone. He could be from anywhere…he could be anyone. He might not even know that my mother gave birth to me."

"And if he did, and it still made no difference?"

"Then I'm better off without him, aren't I?"

"You already have a family that loves you, Rose. Lissa, Eddie, Christian…and me. Never doubt or forget that." Kissing her forehead, the coil of her hair fell loose as I moved away a little. "Let's get started."

Shifting stance immediately to that of combat readiness; her melancholy gone, Rose grinned and curled her fingers at me. Laughing at her eagerness, I shook my head. "No, no fighting…not yet."

Disappointed, Rose rested her hands on her hips as she straightened up and narrowed her eyes at me. "Then what _are_ you going to teach me?"

"Right now? Anatomy."

"Yeah, we've covered that already."

"Basic anatomy, yes, but this is advanced anatomy and far more complicated than anything you've ever done before."

"And the dummies?"

"You'll get to those later. Remember what Konrad said? Learn first, subdue next, then attack and kill last."

"Okay. How do we start?"

Resting my hands lightly over the delicate knitting of her collarbone, my thumbs rested together in the hollow of her throat as the rest of my fingers wrapped lightly around her neck. Feeling the pulse jump and the skin heat beneath my touch, I didn't allow myself to react to it. It was vital that she learnt this, and wasn't distracted.

"You've all been taught basic anatomy, so you know where arteries run, how bones connect, where the spinal cord lies, but you've also only ever been taught to aim for the heart when going in for the kill, so you don't know how to use anything else to your advantage…and you won't always have a fire-wielding Moroi close at hand to use."

"Pity…he was pretty kick-ass."

"Agreed. Now rest your hands over mine and feel their position against the spinal column. Can you feel how my fingers are lying over your cervical vertebrae…yes, like that? The cervical curve is the region of the vertebral column that you will be concentrating on during the training."

"Because it's the easiest place to break the neck?"

"Exactly." Twisting gently, my hands changed position; the right moved slightly lower to partially cover her clavicle whilst the left moved to her lower jaw. Holding her still with the right, the left tilted her chin up and outward, causing strain on the vertebrae by exerting the right amount of pressure without hurting her in anyway.

"Do you feel that? That's the angle that you need to break a neck and sever the spinal cord. That's the angle that you'll be taught. Now do the same to me." Allowing her to manipulate my head back, I resisted pushing back against the force she applied against the bones as she figured the angles and felt for herself how pivotal an area this was.

"Good. That's very good, Roza. Now obviously a Strigoi isn't simply going to allow you to walk up to it and snap its neck, so the next step is to attack and subdue in order to position yourself for the kill." Walking backwards a few paces, I curled my fingers at her. "Now…having learnt what I've just taught you, combine it with what you've already been taught, all your life, and attack me with the purpose of breaking my neck."

Not hesitating, Rose began to circle, calculating the best approach to attack from. Watching her, there was an almost a predatory grace to the way she moved…the way she hunted me. Preparing my counter-attack, I had barely positioned myself before Rose launched herself at me. As instructed, she utilized everything she had been taught; landing high against my chest to knock me to the ground whilst wrapping a hand around my neck before the other gripped my lower jaw.

Pinning my arms to the ground with her knees, Rose tightened her grip and began to wrench my neck with unerring accuracy, but as I grimaced from the spine-cracking pressure, her eyes widened and the pressure began to lessen for fear that she was hurting me. Frowning in disapproval, I jerked my arms out from beneath her legs, gripped her hips and threw her off.

Landing a few feet away, Rose rolled to her feet as I jumped to my own; pivoting on her heel to face me, her hands clenched. Raking back loose hair from my face, my eyes narrowed in anger; the first real anger I had felt towards her in a long time. "I taught you to never hesitate. Do you remember that, Rose? It was the very first lesson I ever gave you, and it's the one you need to remember above all. You can't let anything interfere with that…not doubt, not fear, not mercy. If you do, you'll be dead."

"Was I supposed to actually break your neck, comrade? What about the others when we're training? Am I supposed to break theirs too? "

Sighing at her sarcasm, I tried to reason with her. "Tell me honestly…if it was anyone else's neck that you had your fingers wrapped around, would you have reacted the same way?"

"Yes!" Quick to answer, Rose slung me a dirty look before honesty got the better of her. "No."

"And that's my point. It doesn't matter how you feel, or what you think is right or wrong. Survival is all that matters, Rose."

Openly glaring now, she sneered sweetly. "Fine. Let's try it again."

"You're angry now. Anger is emotion; emotion is dangerous."

"Oh, like _you're_ not angry right now?"

"I can control it. You can't."

Closing her eyes for a moment, when she opened them again, her lack of control was clearly visible as she struggled to hold onto her temper. Not giving her the opportunity, I curled my fingers at her again. She had to learn to let only one instinct take over…the instinct to survive. "Now, attack me again, Rose. Only this time, do not hesitate when you've got your fingers wrapped around my neck."

Repeating the same manoeuvre she had used before, only with far more force and better execution, for the next half an hour, Rose attacked and I countered. Making her work far harder for the hypothetical kill than ever before, the sun had finally broken through the fog before she was able to successfully knock me to the ground again. Tired, wet and muddy, she looked a little bedraggled and very determined as she straddled me, but did not go for the throat.

Instead, she crossed her arms over my chest, and resting low against it, brought our faces together so that there was only an inch between us. "You let me win this time!"

My lips twitched at her scowl and accusation, even though it was true. "I didn't let you win…I surrendered."

"What the difference?"

"Time. We're running out of it, Roza." Pointing to my watch, she grimaced when she saw what I was talking about. We still had to bet back to housing, shower and change for breakfast before heading to gym for first period. If we stayed out here for much longer, we wouldn't make it.

"So if I'm late for an appointment whilst I'm strangling a Strigoi, I should just back off?"

"No, but you should learn to manage your time more efficiently."

Smacking my chest hard when she saw my smirk, Rose straightened up to glare. "You're such a dick."

"I love you, too."

Laughing at me; her ire forgotten, Rose poked at my chest. Catching at her hands playfully, we wrestled gently for a while for dominance. Expecting her to climb off me almost immediately, Rose didn't seem in any rush to move. Making no move myself, I lightly held her hips, waiting for what she would do next. Yesterday's rejection – and as much as I kept telling myself it wasn't, I couldn't deny that it had been anything but that – was still fresh in my mind, so I was cautious.

Flattening her hands high on my chest, her thumbs stroked over the damp material of my t-shirt until she found flat points of my nipples. Rubbing over them lightly, the flesh puckered and tingled, sending arrows of sensation and heat into my blood stream, but still, I lay motionless beneath her. I could hear the change in her breathing, I could feel the tension in her muscles, I could see the dilation of her pupils as the adrenaline pumping through her veins turned to a sexual high, but still, I lay motionless beneath her.

"I wanted to kiss you that day on the quad," Rose confessed, looking hungrily at my lips as I ordered myself to stay still. "During the field experience, when I had to defend Christian and Lissa against you, Jean and Yuri. It was all I could think about…and I know you were thinking the same, but we couldn't do anything about it then."

"We're all alone now."

"Yeah, but you just told me to manage my time more efficiently, and we're running out of it, remember?"

"I do." Though I was cursing myself for it now.

"So we should just…get to our feet, dust ourselves off and head back to housing?" Tangling her fingers in my t-shirt as she talked, Rose slowly inched it upwards past my navel, ribcage and pectorals, stopping as it bunched beneath my underarms. Shivering both from the cold grass beneath my back and the sensation of her hot touch at my hotter flesh, I waited to see what she wanted to do with me. Arching a brow when the shirt wouldn't move any further and I made no move to do anything, I let go of her hips and whipped it over my head.

Propping myself up on my elbows, every muscle in my torso rippled and tensed in anticipation. "If that's what you want, then that's what we should do."

"That isn't what I want."

"What _do_ you want, Rose?"

Hooking her arms around my neck, she pulled me up to her before sealing her lips to mine, thrusting her tongue deeply into my mouth as I groaned and wrapped my arms around her waist, crushing her against my chest. Feeling the short edge of her nails dig into my back to pull me closer, Rose rocked against my pelvis; grinding greedily against my thickening cock.

Aching for her, I thrust back, catching her moan with my mouth as I found the edge of her t-shirt. Pulling it loose from the jacket tied at her waist, I worked it up and over her head, forcing our mouths to break contact for a moment, but that was too long for Rose. Once it was off, she sank her fingers into my hair and yanked me closer, biting down on my bottom lip hard enough to just break the skin before sucking on it soothingly.

Raising her head to look at me as I tried to reach her lips, her hands tightened on my hair, keeping me in place as she slowly began to grind and writhe on my lap. Nearly insane with lust, the deep growl torn from my chest made her smile slowly, but she wouldn't be smiling if she had even the faintest clue of what she was provoking.

Breaking free from her hold, I kissed her deeply again before anchoring her hips to mine. Carrying her to the ground and using our shirts to protect her back from the damp ground, our lips stayed locked as I peeled the tight straps of her sports-bra down her arms, before stripping it to her waist. Tightening her legs around my waist, I tore my mouth away to trail my lips down her cheek and chin. Arching up against me as I sucked on the skin of her throat, my hands moved to the full thrust of her breasts, kneading the supple flesh and pebbled nipples as she whimpered.

Biting gently on the flesh of her upper breasts, her nipples strained towards my mouth. Suckling strongly, I felt the nubbin rub against the roof of my mouth whilst Rose cried out softly beneath me, but I did not relent, even as I felt her nails dig into my scalp. Curling my fingers into the elasticated waist of her track pants, my thumbs traced over her hipbones before I began to work them down, but Rose dropped her hands from my head, and grabbed at them tightly.

"No, Dimitri…No!"

Breathy from need, the conviction of her words couldn't be ignored, even over the thundering of blood in my ears. Rubbing my face in the valley of her breasts, my lungs worked deeply to draw in air and calm the fire in my blood. Anchoring her against me again, I sat up with her in my lap, still straddling me. Ignoring the throb of my erection, I cuddled her closer when she buried her face in the crook of my neck and struggled for control.

"It's alright, Roza."

Trying not to fixate on the feel of her nipples stabbing into my chest, I routed around for her bra and fed her arms into it before gently pulling it over her head. Shuffling around, she adjusted it before raising her head so that I could pull her damp t-shirt over her head. Cupping her chin, I slowly forced her to look at me, even as I fought against the panic threatening to break me.

"You're pulling away from me; I felt it yesterday, and said nothing, and now I feel it again. Tell me what to do, Roza. Tell me how to fix this."

Closing her eyes, there was a long pause before she spoke. "There's nothing that you can fix, Dimitri. It's me, not you. It's my issues."

"Issues that _I_ created, because I was stupid enough to listen to the last person on the planet I should have, and because of that…you still don't trust me, do you?" Pinning me to the spot with eyes thickly framed by long lashes and an expression of such guilt that I wanted to howl, Rose slowly shook her head.

Clenching my teeth, I exhaled roughly and rested my forehead against hers, closing my eyes at the feeling of crushing despair. Would she ever forgive me? Would she ever trust me completely again? There was some sense of trust between us, but not enough…not nearly enough. Her refusal to make love with me was proof of that, because sex was obviously still a step too far for her.

"I'm not trying to punish you, Dimitri…or at least, I don't think I am. I'm just…"

"I understand."

"You keep saying that, but how much longer are you going to be understanding?"

"This is my fault. I don't have any right to feel any other way, Roza."

"Yeah, but…" Stemming her words with a finger over her lips, I shook my head. "When you're ready, you're ready. I will wait for you for as long as you want…as long as you need."

Cupping my jaw, she kissed me very softly. "I love you." The words were simple; she didn't need to say anything else. As long as she loved me, I would wait patiently for whatever else she gave me, even if I had to wait a lifetime.

"That's all I want." Lifting her gently off my lap, I stood and pulled her to her feet, hugging her tightly for a moment longer. Pulling her jacket from around her waist, I held it out for her to put it on and then did the same to my own, though it did nothing to hide my erection. Grimacing at it, I gave her a wry look whilst brushing at strands of wet grass sticking to her cheek. Flicking it away, I tried to clean her up, but all I did was smudge more mud over skin that was clean.

Laughing at my expression, Rose caught at my hand, linked our fingers and began to pull me back to the road through the thinning fog. "Don't worry about it, comrade. The shower will take care of it. Besides, I don't mind being dirty, although I get looks from Lissa all the time that say I should."

"You're beautiful always; clean or dirty."

"You're very good for my ego, you know that right?"

"Did it need encouragement before you met me?"

"No…but you give it a different kind of encouragement. You give it the encouragement it needs." Smiling, she head-butted my arm lightly before releasing my hand. Moving a pace or two away from me, I could see the upper campus in the distance and knew why she was putting distance between us.

"Why did you wait?"

Frowning at the unexpectedness of my question, Rose asked. "Wait for what?"

"To lose your virginity." Grinning at her expression, I held out my hands. "I'm asking out of genuine curiosity, not to boost my ego."

Shaking her head, Rose laughed. "I don't know…maybe because it was what everyone expected of me, so I decided to rebel against their expectations."

"What do you mean everyone expected it of you?"

"I was the wild, impulsive dhampir who ran away with her Moroi best friend. I was reckless and irresponsible; so why _wouldn't_ they have expected it of me?" Giving me a sideways glance, there was a sly look in her eyes that made me a little wary. "If I asked who you lost _yours_ to, would you tell me?"

"Rose…"

"Dimitri…"

Cursing myself for starting this conversation, my reluctance was obvious as I answered. "Someone in Baia."

"A family friend?"

"Not exactly."

"Older or younger than you?"

"Older, by a few years."

"How old were you?" When all the answer she got was a grimace, Rose smacked at my arm. "How old, Dimitri?"

"Fifteen."

"Oh, my God…isn't that like statutory rape?"

Eyeing her warningly, Rose laughed loudly as we crossed into the campus and onto the walkways. Just after seven, the grounds were already busy and thankfully that would mean putting an end to a conversation that was a little uncomfortable. "Thank you for telling me. I know how private you are and it couldn't have been easy to tell me."

"You're welcome. I want you to feel comfortable enough to ask me anything, Rose, even if I'm not comfortable answering it. And you're right; I was – am – a very private person, so it's going to take a little while to fully open up about myself, so you might need to push me a little.

"Well then you're in luck, comrade; being pushy is something I'm very good at. See you in gym." Winking at me, I left her at the dhampir dorm and wondered around campus for a while, trying to organize the shambles of my thoughts, but they weren't co-operating, so I gave up and changed direction for housing. By the time I had showered, finished with breakfast and was once again on my way to gym to join the others, I wasn't any closer to figuring them out, but I had other things to concentrate on.

Almost an hour into the session, and after careful instruction from Konrad, Gregor, Alberta and I, the students had already begun to grasp the finer points of what I had already taught Rose and were using it against each other. Satisfied to see that Rose was using hers with ruthless efficiency against Dean, Kon gave me a look that said he pitied both him and anyone else she came up against.

By the end of the hour, every guardian in the gym was more than satisfied with the progress that had been made by the seniors, and had gathered near the door to talk. Glancing over at Rose to my right, she and Dean were going over the techniques whilst she corrected his hand placement and Eddie and Meredith watched closely. Looking over his shoulder, Dean called out to me.

"Guardian Belikov?"

Crossing the mats to him, he questioned what Rose had done and frowned when I confirmed it was right, whilst she smirked at him. Arguing amongst themselves, Eddie joined in and as usual, sided with Rose whilst they picked up their mats and gear, but they quietened when the gym doors were pushed open with enough force to send them swinging violently on their hinges.

Striding through them was a visibly agitated Dustin. His bushy eyebrows were folded so far down his nose his eyes were barley visible. Heading straight to where Alberta stood with Gregor and Konrad, he spoke in low tones that I couldn't hear, but judging by their reactions; especially Alberta's, it wasn't good news. She looked over to us and focused first on Rose, then myself before beckoning me over. Glancing over at Rose, she was watching them just as closely.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know, but something isn't right." Watching out for anyone who might hear, I murmured. "Stay in the gym for as long as you can without attracting attention – clean if you have to. I'll tell you if I can." Nodding quickly, Rose joined the others clearing away the equipment before I walked quickly to where they stood.

Watching my approach, the bleakness of their demeanours worried me and I couldn't help but asking. "What's happened?"

Looking at each other, Alberta and Gregor said nothing. It was Dustin who grimly replied. "I just got a call from my contact in Tarasov…Victor Dashkov's escaped."


	11. Chapter 11

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone! (And no, I'm not going on another hiatus)

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Eleven

Motionless at Dustin's grimly delivered words, it was shock that hit me first, but it was followed so quickly by fury, that it burnt it from my brain and set my blood boiling. Rigid with it, I could barely make my jaw move to ask. "When… _how_?"

"Last night, according to what I've been told." Frowning deeply, Dustin's bushy brows met over his nose. "As to the how, the details are still a little sketchy, but best as they can tell, he was smuggled out during a laundry run."

"A laundry run?" Konrad snorted, shaking his head in disgust. "Jesus, how could they have let that happen? It's Tarasov, for God's sake. Not some holding cell. They should have only allowed in the approved services, and even then, they should have been watched the whole time."

"They did let in the approved services," Dustin confirmed, looking just as incensed. "The laundry agent was the same one that had been awarded the contact for the past three years. Day in and day out, they are monitored and verified, and that didn't changed last night, only this time, the crew was different from the personal normally used. Their credentials were checked, as per the security protocols, and they were cleared for entry."

"Which means that it was an inside job."

"Yeah, Dimitri. It looks that way." Looking more wary now than angry, Dustin rubbed at his bristly jaw. "The guards doing rounds were deliberately re-routed for just long enough so no one would notice anything out of the ordinary, and the camera's experienced a technical glitch at exactly the moment needed to sneak the bastard out."

"Are any of the guards missing?" Gregor asked; his expression dead-panned as normal.

"Yeah, two of them. Both senior guards. They won't tell me who they are, of course, but we're all thinking the same thing: they were paid off by Dashkov in return for a comfortable retirement." Expression altering from wariness to troubled, Dustin knew what this would mean. We were all already under so much scrutiny after the attack that this would focus even more unwanted attention on us…especially the older guards. They were the one's meant to be respected and honoured, now they would be villainized.

"Where would he have gone? Where's the nearest town, the nearest airport, train station? They must have some idea on how to track him, Dustin."

"They don't, Alberta, because he could have gone anywhere. If he was organized enough to plan the break-out, he would have been organized enough to plan a get-a-way vehicle of some kind, and from there, he could have gone anywhere. All of the obvious places are being monitored, but he's not going to use them because he knows that's where he would be looked for first. My guess is that he'll stay under our radar for as long as possible until he feels its safe enough to travel freely. Where he goes to from there, is anyone's guess."

Looking at me, Dustin didn't say it, but he didn't have to. We all knew where he would be going, and who he would for heading straight for.

Lissa.

His obsession with her was too entrenched, too dogmatic to ever give up. We should have known, all of us, that he never had any intention of spending what little remained of his short life behind bars. Even then, in the holding cell at Court, he had been plotting, planning to escape, but I had been too angry to see it. It all made perfect sense now: taunting Rose and I, all his veiled threats, the threats he had actually carried out, approaching Lissa at his hearing…he had been baiting us for a reason.

And now he was free…free to come after her again.

Anger flaring again, I listened with only half an ear to the others as I fought against the urge to destroy something, to vent. I had to stay focused and rational where Victor was concerned, no matter how I felt, because he already had an advantage us, so now it was time to start thinking like him.

He was too smart to make his move on Lissa whilst she was still within the academy grounds, so this was obviously the safest place for her, but we couldn't keep her here indefinitely, and once his condition began to worsen, he might become desperate enough to try anything. He obviously still had contacts that were easily bribable and could simply pay for information on where she was and then make his move, which meant when she did leave the grounds, for whatever reason, her protective detail would have to be increased.

Under any normal circumstance, it normally was, but never to the point of being obvious. That was about to change. In addition to Rose and I, at least four other guardians would now be involved in her protection as near and far guard, and from the moment Lissa saw them, she would suspect that something was wrong.

So that left us all with the same question: should Lissa be told?

She would be terrified when she learnt of his escape, because for all she knew he was no longer a threat to her, and that was about to change. Naturally none of us wanted that for her, but to be kept in the dark would be just as dangerous and very, very stupid. The decision wasn't really mine to make, and I would wait to see who would say what, but if they chose not to, then I would. She deserved to know.

Also, she wouldn't appreciate, or thank any of us for it if we kept it a secret…and neither would Rose. Catching her in the corner of my eye, her brow was creased with concern as she stacked and moved mats into the store-room without making it obvious that she was trying to kill time. Time, I had told her to kill before I had even known the gravity of what I was about to tell her.

Fuming silently, I couldn't tell her now; not with so many people around us, and privacy was what we needed for this. Her reaction to Victor's escape wasn't going to be as controlled or clinical. She would know instantly that he was coming for Lissa and would want nothing short of wrapping her hands around his neck and squeezing the life from him. She would stop at nothing to protect Lissa, would do whatever it took, including putting herself in the line of fire.

Cold fear replaced the heat of anger in my blood as I thought of the lengths she would go to and it resurrected an earlier fear…a fear created by my grandmother.

Was this the danger that Yeva had warned me about? An indirect risk that she would involve herself in directly, because it was for Lissa? All of us knew that Victor wasn't above using whatever means at his disposal to get what he wanted, and that would involve hurting, or ridding himself of anything or anyone in his way.

Right now, that meant Rose. He already had a personal vendetta against her for ruining his earlier plans. That much had been obvious in the Court's holding cells, despite his pleasant manner. If he had the chance to take vengeance on her again, there was no doubt in my mind that he wouldn't hesitate to do exactly that.

Breathing deeply as my stomach twisted sharply in panic, the thought that he could hurt either of them made my hands clench into fists at my sides. I wanted it to be my own hands wrapped around his neck. I wanted it to be my own hands that squeezed the life from him…to watch him writhe in pain, to watch him die, then maybe it would stop feeling like a mistake that I hadn't used my contacts to get rid of him before he had escaped.

I hadn't been exaggerating to Rose when I said that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to keep her safe.

"Should the Princess be told?"

"No! Absolutely not." Gregor barked, frowning at Kon's question as I made myself refocus on the thread of conversation. "She needs to be protected from this."

"This isn't something that's going to be kept a secret, Gregor, especially here." Dustin argued. "All the guardians have to be told so that they're on the lookout for anything remotely connected to him, which means they will talk amongst themselves, and someone will overhear. How quickly do you think it will spread around the campus from there? And even if she doesn't get to hear about it, she'll know when she leaves the campus and suddenly she has twice as many guardians hovering over her that something isn't right. What do we tell her then?"

"Nothing. It's our job to protect her. We downplay everything."

"She's smarter than that. It will only be a matter of time before she figures out the reason for it." I reasoned quietly, resenting that he was still treating her like a frightened little girl and not someone who had already survived so much.

"So what are you suggesting, Belikov?" He sneered. "That we tell her? Terrify her?"

"She's stronger than you think."

"She's been through too much already."

"That's not your decision to make."

"It's not yours either."

"Alright, enough," Alberta interrupted as she saw the argument between us begin to escalate. "This decision isn't any of ours to make. The council will inform the Queen, and from there the decision to tell her will be made. That might take days, or weeks. Right now, we need to focus on the immediate problem, and that is Victor Dashkov. All senior guardians will be informed, but the senior novices don't need to be. When and if the news circulates the campus, then they will be told."

Eyeing me for a second, Alberta turned to speak quietly to Dustin and Gregor whilst Kon shuffled up beside me. Seeing my expression, his own matched. "You don't agree with that, do you?"

"It's not my place to question it, Kon," I answered just as quietly, even as I seethed on the inside. It was the same mentality employed before and after the attack. How many times did something have to be proven wrong before change could be made…before more lives were lost?

Snorting, Kon grinned at my answer, but said nothing more; he knew I didn't agree with any of what was happening. Following the group as they began to walk to the exit, I lingered, wanting them to leave so that I could go to Rose, but the hard look Alberta gave me made me stay still. Ushering them out the door, she spoke softly to Gregor before he left. Walking back to where I stood, a wry grimace pulled at the skin of her weathered mouth.

"You're going to tell both of them, aren't you?"

Grinning, I nodded. There really wasn't any point in evading. "Yes. They both have the right to know…and I think you agree with that."

"Publically, I can't agree with that."

"But privately…?"

Sighing, Alberta looked over her shoulder quickly before turning to me again. "I do agree with you. They both need to know, but if you're going to tell them, you need to control Rose. I can't have her flying off the handle, Dimitri, or inciting the other seniors. She needs to keep it just between the three of you."

"Four of us, I think. Through Lissa, Christian will know and I'm fairly certain that Rose will tell Eddie, but if I can keep it to just between the four of them, nothing more should be said to anyone else. If this leaks, it won't be because of any of them."

Looking dubious about that, she nodded before frowning. "Fine, but I'm serious about what I said about Rose."

"Understood, but this is going to upset her."

Laughing without humour, Alberta shook her head. "I wouldn't be concerned if she was _only_ going to be upset, Dimitri. Upset, she's still manageable; homicidal, she isn't. She's going to feel helpless to do anything about this and it's going to drive her crazy."

"I think the next part will help with that."

Scowling, Alberta crossed her arms over her chest. "What next part?"

"I want permission for Rose and I to train Lissa and Christian."

When Tasha had jokingly suggested it over dinner a few nights ago, I hadn't really given it any serious thought. Training Christian was one thing. He already had formidable offensive abilities and experience, so it would be relatively easy, but training Lissa was another thing entirely. She had no experience and her abilities were entirely defensive. She was also the Dragomir Princess. Training her for combat went against everything I had ever been taught, but this was an unusual circumstance, so maybe I needed to be more open-minded about it.

Eyes widening at my request, Alberta's expression of outrage suggested that she wasn't going to be as open-minded as I was trying to be. "You want permission to train a Moroi Lord and the Dragomir Princess?! Have you lost your mind?"

"I want permission to tactically train them, Alberta…and no, I haven't lost my mind."

"For what purpose?"

"Self-defense."

"They don't need to learn how to defend themselves, Belikov…that's what we're here for!"

Knowing that Alberta was an advocate for some change in our world, but not all, I had to be careful on how to convince her. "There may come a time when we aren't. There already _has_ been a time when we weren't. I'm not asking to train them in anything advanced, Alberta, or leave them undefended, I'm merely asking to train them so that they have a fighting chance. Christian is already more than capable of taking care of himself. It's Lissa we need to concentrate on, especially with Dashkov again posing a threat to her."

"We don't know that Dashkov will come for her."

"Maybe not now, but he will eventually. What other choice does he have? He's dying."

Groaning, Alberta closed her eyes and ground her teeth together. Opening them with a glare, she skewered me with a dangerous look. "Tell me _exactly_ what you're going to do."

Outlining my plan to build Lissa's ability for self-defence, whilst strengthening her physically, I watched Alberta's impassive face, trying to judge what she was in agreement to and what she opposed to, but she wasn't giving me much to work with. I was very careful not to mention stakes of any kind, though it was certainly something that I would like to teach her to eventually wield. She could use compulsion against dhampir and Moroi, but not against Strigoi.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alberta looked to still have concerns, but I didn't think that she was going to object. "Fine, I agree to allowing you and Rose to train them, but with conditions. One, this stays within the five of you. Two, no one else can know about this. If it gets back to the Council, we're both going to be deported. Three, you start out slowly with them. Remembering that they're Moroi, not dhampir. They don't have the same stamina and strength. Four, if I feel that this is in anyway harmful to them, I'm pulling the plug, without argument. Understood?"

"Understood. There is something that I need from you, though."

"What is it?"

"Permission to be able to fetch them from housing during unusual hours. If we're going to train when no one is around, then it has to be between normal hours. I want to start tomorrow morning. The sooner the better."

"Fine, I'll send out a memo to the lobby monitors this afternoon so that there won't be any issues. Just make sure that when they leave housing, they're dressed normally and not for training of any kind and that you pull them on random days, so that nothing resembles a routine. Will you have them training in the dhampir gym?"

"Yes, it's the best equipped. There shouldn't be too many questions raised over it. There are other Moroi who use the equipment."

"Mmmm." Pacing a little, Alberta nodded shortly to herself. "Alright. Let's try this. You report back to me on any issues and progress, once a week, every week, Dimitri. After a month, I want a demonstration to check on their progress for myself. If there isn't any progress shown, then we call time on it and label it as a failure, yes?"

"That's fair. Thank you, Alberta. You won't regret this."

"I already do." Glancing balefully at me once more, she left the gym without a backwards glance. Collecting the last of the mats, I walked slowly towards the storeroom, listening for anyone who might come in, but most would already be at breakfast. Pushing open the door, I found Rose perched on top of a stack of mats. Hopping off when she saw it was me, her hair tumbled loosely over her shoulders. Tossing the mat to join the rest, my fingers tangled in the black tendrils as I tugged her closer to kiss her lightly.

Clutching at my shoulders, she rose to her toes to deepen the kiss before pulling away a little. "I could hear you and Alberta arguing, but I couldn't hear what it was about. What's happened?"

I decided to be blunt. "Victor's escaped Tarasov."

Jerking away with a start whilst her hair was still tangled around my fingers, it tugged painfully against her scalp, but she didn't seem to feel it at all. Curling an arm around her shoulders, I nestled her against my chest as I waited for the reaction, but there was nothing more than a single, whispered word.

"Lissa."

Understanding immediately what this meant, I nodded once, a little concerned that she wasn't reacting the way I thought she would and that she might be in shock, but a second later, I was proven wrong. Shaking with primal fury, Rose seethed. "I'll kill him…he comes near her, I'll kill him."

"It's alright, Roza." Hugging her tightly, I could feel the shuddering in her smaller frame, and I tried to absorb some of the rage. "He won't get anywhere near her, ever again, I promise you." Pressing kisses to her hairline, I made a silent promise to myself… _he'll never get near either of you, ever again._ Running my hands gently over her rigid spine, it took a long time for Rose to gradually relax in my hold.

Turning to rest her cheek against my steady heart-beat, she growled. "How the fuck did they let him escape?!"

Ignoring the language because it meant she was acting more in character, I told her everything that I knew; answering any questions she asked, calming her down again when those same answers enraged her. Explaining that I wanted to tell Lissa, she agreed after a moment, voicing her concerns that this would scare her, but agreeing with me that it was better that she knew.

"What were you and Alberta arguing about? Telling her?"

"No, she agrees that it's for the best that she knows, though we need to keep this as quiet as possible. She'll obviously tell Christian and I think that you would want Eddie involved, but that's it. We don't need the whole academy in a panic."

"Okay…so what was the argument about?"

"Training Lissa and Christian."

Feeling her arms fall away from my waist, Rose looked up at me with a similar expression to Alberta's. The one that said she thought I might have lost my mind, but instead of questioning my sanity, I saw a spark of interest light up the brown of her eyes. Pulling out of my arms, Rose folded her own over her midriff and walked towards the racking at the back wall, muttering to herself. "Train them. Christian…Christian doesn't need much training, but Lissa…"

Swinging around to face me, her brows rose. "How?"

"The same way you were trained when you started as a child."

"I'm dhampir. I'm stronger, faster. I have more endurance. I don't bruise as easily, I heal faster. The Moroi are not like us, Dimitri. They can't train like us."

"No, they can't, so we'll train them like Moroi." Outlining the same plan I had spoken to Alberta about earlier, Rose listened to it absently, nodding every so often when she agreed with what I wanted to do and frowning when she didn't. Adding in her own perspective's, by the time she had finished pacing and returned to my side; we had streamlined and perfected our Moroi training regime.

"Alberta's agreed to all of this?"

"Conditionally."

"Ugh," she grimaced, rolling her eyes. "I hate conditions."

Chuckling, my fingers tangled in her hair again. "Yes, Rose. I know, you don't, but this time, they're necessary. Remember that Alberta is only looking out for the welfare of both Lissa and Christian. Speaking of whom…are they going to agree to this?"

Scoffing, Rose pulled at a crease in my t-shirt. "Are you kidding? Christian will jump at the chance to be taught this kind of stuff, and to impress his aunt, and as for Lissa…I don't know. She's never shown any interest in it before, but that will probably change when she learns about Victor." Frowning, Rose sneered. "I still can't believe he's out."

Covering her hand over my chest, I squeezed her fingers tightly in comfort, but her features contorted as another thought formed. "Do you think he knew the whole time and was just screwing with us?"

"Yes."

Twisting her fingers into the t-shirt this time, Rose butted her head against my chest, before pulling away to look up at me. "When do we start training them?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Okay. I'll talk to both of them over dinner tonight, when Eddie will be with us. If I tell them early, it will ruin everyone's day and upset Lissa more. What time tomorrow morning and where?"

"5am. I'm on border patrol at 6am, so we'll start off slowly with half hour sessions to assess first." Smiling at her grimace at another early morning start, particularly one that was on a Saturday morning, I answered the rest of her question. "I think the best place to train is in the woods around the cabin. They're thick enough there to keep the sun from penetrating too deeply and there is enough cover from bordering trees to get both of them back indoors without it being a problem."

"Good as place as any, but how are you going to get us out of housing without it looking suspicious?"

"Don't worry about that; I've already arranged everything with Alberta. Tell Eddie that he can have his work-out gear on; it won't look strange to anyone, but Lissa and Christian need to have theirs on beneath regular clothing. I'll pick them up first, then you and Eddie…and also…I think we should involve Tasha in the training."

I hadn't told Alberta about my thoughts on this because to her mind, the more involved, the riskier it became, but it didn't really seem fair to exclude Tasha from this. Not only was Christian her nephew, but she herself had extensive training and would be able to help. The only real problem I would have to deal with was Rose. I had never spoken to her about what Tasha had suggested over dinner, and despite my reassurance that there was nothing between, I really didn't know how she was going to react to this.

Shrugging at the suggestion, Rose's expression remained calm. "Fine by me. When are you going to talk to her?"

Confused by how calm she was, I didn't trust it. "This evening. I'm on duty for most of the day. You're sure, you're okay with this?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason." I backpedalled quickly; alarmed by the dangerously placid look she gave me. There was nothing remotely docile about Rosemarie Hathaway, and if there ever was, it was usually a trap.

Grinning at my expression, Rose clasped her hands together at the nape of my neck and pulled me down for a quick kiss that lingered longer as she whispered against my lips. "Relax, comrade. I'm not going to act like a bitchy girlfriend unless there's a reason to, and you've already told me that there's nothing to worry about with Tasha. It's actually a really good idea. She can help, especially with Lissa."

Relieved that she had so easily agreed, I deepened the kiss for moment. "So you want Tasha to help you train Lissa and not me?" I teased. "Maybe _I_ should be concerned?"

"No, I'm not."

"No, I'm not what?"

"No, I'm not going to train Lissa…you are."

Doubting my own ears for a moment, I gently pushed her away whilst holding onto her shoulders. Raising a brow at me, Rose cocked her head to the side. "What?"

"Did I just hear you say that you _don't_ want to train Lissa?"

"You did."

"Why not?"

Sighing, Rose threw me a withering look. "Seriously? I would make the worst combat instructor. I have little to no patience and a hair-trigger temper. Lissa and I would be at each other's throats within ten minutes of our first session, which makes you the obvious choice. You're patient, controlled and have had to teach _me_ for the last six months, so we all know that you're obviously not far off sainthood."

Laughing softly, I brought her back into to the circle of my arms. "If I was anywhere near sainthood, Roza, I would have been able to resist you."

Smirking, she shook her head. "No, you wouldn't have. I'm irresistible, remember?"

"Yes, you are." Kissing the tip of her nose, I organized my thoughts. "So let me see if I get this straight. You want Tasha and I to train Lissa, whilst you and Eddie train Christian?"

"Exactly.

"For no reason other than you think you'll make a horrible teacher?" Eyeing her suspiciously, I was sure that wasn't the only reason. "I think you have an ulterior motive here, _moye Serdtse_."

"What's that?"

"Throwing Christian around, whether it's on a training mat or the forest floor."

Grinning broadly, Rose bit the corner of her bottom lip. "Well, only a little and very gently. Will tonight be the first time you've spoken to Tasha since that dinner?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"If I say no, will you go with to protect me?"

"Do you need protection?"

"Not from Tasha. You sometimes, but never Tasha."

"Ha, ha." Fiddling with the collar of the t-shirt, her fingers brushed against the skin of my neck. "I guess you have the easy part. I have to tell Lissa, and that's not going to be easy." Concerned etched deeply into the smooth skin between her eyes. She would tell Lissa because it was better for everyone concerned that she knew, but she also knew that telling her wasn't going to be pleasant.

Rubbing over her back in long, soothing strokes, I murmured against her hairline. "Do you want to do it together?"

"Thanks for the offer, but it's better if I do it alone." Reaching up to kiss me, her arms looped around my neck as mine wrapped around her waist. "This is the last time we're going to see each other before morning. What are you doing today?"

"Rotational duty on the elementary campus, then paperwork this evening. You've got class for most of your day, but you've got a free period in the afternoon. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know…find some sun, go to the gym. Maybe I'll go visit Adrian. I haven't seen him for a while and I'm sure he'd like the company." Grinning impishly, Rose laughed at my glare. "You know I'm yanking your chain, right?"

"I know." Clutching her tightly, I lifted her off her feet to kiss her hungrily, briefly before setting her down again. "I love you; now go before you're late for breakfast and there's nothing left." I ordered, turning her towards the door and swatting her lightly on the backside. "I'll see you in the morning, but until then, please don't go looking for trouble."

Rubbing lightly at her behind, Rose scowled haughtily over her shoulder. "I love you, too, but I can't make any promises. Trouble usually comes looking for me." Pushing through the door, she missed my troubled expression and the thought that followed it… _that's what I'm afraid of._

Standing beneath the pummelling effect of a hot shower a few minutes later, the trouble in my mind revolved solely around Victor Dashkov. The information Dustin had given us was useful, but created more questions than answers. I needed something more than that to go on, so as soon as I had a chance, I would begin making calls…long distance calls.

I didn't doubt that Dustin had told us everything he knew, but there might be those within correctional services who were more willing to talk to me than to him. It might not work; it might create other problems, but I would try anyway in the hopes that any advanced warning on Victor's movements and whereabouts might make the difference.

I would also be phoning home.

Yeva might not be able to confirm if it was Victor that she had seen as a threat, but I knew she hadn't told me everything about what she had seen. Normally, I would have respected her reasons for withholding information; they were usually goods one, but not this time. The lives it impacted were too important to respect her cryptic responses.

Feeling more settled now that I had a course of action, by the time I had made breakfast, the talk about the table was, as expected, about Victor. Talking to as many of the guardians as I could before they left for rounds, I learnt nothing new before I reported for duty, but I hadn't really expected to, so it didn't really matter; I had my plan.

Ten hours, and fifteen unsuccessful conversations later, I had to admit to myself that my plan had failed.

Of the handful of contacts who had answered their phones, none of them had been able to provide any new information and had seemed cagey even confirming the information I already knew. This wasn't something that guardians at large wanted made public. Even phoning home had been a disaster. The line in Baia had been so bad; the connection had never been picked up.

Frustrated that I was no closer to the answers than I was this morning, I wasn't in the best of moods as I crossed over the upper campus in search of Tasha. Dusk had slowly begun to settle over the grounds when I found her sitting on a bench outside of guest housing. Eyes closed, she sat in the fading light of yellows and pinks, enjoying the last of the day's warmth.

Turning her head at my approach, the thick lashes lifted before a broad smile split the skin of her face and pulled at the scar tissues on her cheek. Seeming genuinely delighted at the sight of me, the twist of familiar guilt was expected, but there wasn't anything I could do about it now.

"Dimka…this is a nice surprise."

"Hello, Tasha. May I?"

Indicating the bench, she nodded quickly; the loose curls of her inky-black hair bouncing lightly around her face and shoulders as she moved away a little and I sat. "Of course, please. I haven't seen you for a few days. How have you been?"

"Good. Thank you for asking, Tasha. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to visit."

"Oh, don't apologize," she waved off, pulling her lightweight, fawn-coloured jacket tighter around her. "I understand. It's good to see you. Also…I want to apologize for putting you in a difficult position the other night. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Of course I understand how important duty is to you, and how important Lissa is. I didn't mean to make it seem as though I was asking you to choose."

"No, no. You did nothing wrong, Tasha. If anyone should apologize, it's me. I should have handled it better." I should have. It was something that I would always regret. I hadn't meant to hurt her, yet that was exactly what had happened. "I just need you to understand that friendship is all I'm offering."

Smiling still, it became brittle and a little more forced as she heard the finality in my voice. "Well, at least it's good to see you as a friend, Dimka." Smiling brightly, and mostly for my benefit, I could see the pain it hid and what it cost her to hide it.

"It is, but I'm afraid this isn't a purely social visit."

Hearing something in my voice that caught at her attention, Tasha shifted to face me. "What is it?"

As with Rose, I decided against sugar-coating. "Dashkov escaped Tarasov last night."

Tasha's dark blue eyes widened in shock until they seemed to engulf her entire face. Stunned into silence, I spoke quietly, giving her the details we had on how and when. As expected, her quick mind came up with the same conclusion everyone else had.

"He'll be coming after Lissa again, won't he?"

"No one has any proof of that, but yes, we're all thinking along the same lines."

"He's never going to stop, is he?" Getting to her feet, Tasha crossed her arms over her midriff and paced a bit over the lawns only just starting to sprout new grass. "I want change in our world just as much as he does, Dimka, but not like this. Not at the expense of lives." Turning to face me again, she shook her head sadly. "Not at the expense of Lissa's."

"It's not going to come to that, Tasha. We know he's escaped, we have a fairly good idea of where he'll be going, and we'll be better prepared this time for whatever he's scheming. We won't let him near her again. _I_ won't let him near her again."

"I know you won't, Dimka." Sitting again, Tasha rested her hand on my bare wrist, beneath my jacket sleeve. "And I'm sorry. This must be hard for you; she's your responsibility, and this must feel like it's very personal, especially after what he said about you and Rose at the trial. I can only imagine what you would do to him if you got your hands on him."

 _Tasha, you have no idea how personal this is for me_. "It is very personal. For all of us."

"Does Lissa know yet?"

"No. Rose will tell her at dinner." Using the pretence of checking my watch for the time, I gently shook off her hand. "They're there now. Christian will obviously be told, and so too, will Eddie, but that's it. Alberta doesn't want this spreading through the school."

"That's understandable. Poor Lissa. She's going to be so scared now. You know, it's a real pity that none of you took my suggestion about training Christian and Lissa seriously, Dimka. Giving them some sort of combat training, particularly with Lissa, would go a long way for self-confidence."

"Actually, Tasha, that's I wanted to talk to you about."

Cocking a brow, she was obviously puzzled by the turn in the conversation. "What do you mean?"

"I want you to help with training them."

Frowning for a moment, Tasha seemed confused by what I was saying, but in the next, she jumped to her feet so quickly that the bench beneath me shuddered. Reaching out a steadying hand as she almost stumbled over her feet; Tasha latched onto it instead and yanked me off my seat. Grabbing my jacket lapels, she pulled me downward so that we were almost nose to nose.

"You're serious? You're actually serious about this?"

Carefully prying loose her gripping fingers, I nodded with a small smile at the almost child-like excitement lighting up her blue eyes. "I am."

"It's happening, Dimka. The change I wanted, it's finally happening."

"No, Tasha. It's not, so don't get carried away. This is only for Lissa's benefit because of the threat that Victor Dashkov poses, nothing more. Christian's only involved because it's Lissa and he has some experience in combat. Alberta was explicit on this. She wants weekly progress reports from me, and after a month, will personally check on their progress. If she's not happy with it, she'll shut this down. It's not the platform you wanted."

"Not yet, but this could be the start of it."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Like I said, it's at Alberta's discretion to end this before it begins."

"She won't. Once she sees the progress made, she actually might encourage it. I'm assuming Rose is going to help with this?"

"She is. She wants to train Christian with Eddie's help, and us to train Lissa."

"She doesn't want Lissa?"

"No…conflict of interests is how she put it."

"Smart girl. She knows she won't be able to train her properly because of their friendship." Smoothing my creased lapels, Tasha winced in apology. "When do we start?"

"Tomorrow morning, 5am. I think starting out with half an hour sessions would be best, to assess. Going to gym afterwards to start strengthening shouldn't be an issue. I've already arranged with Alberta to be able to pull them all from housing without it looking suspicious, so I'll pick them up on the way to the woods around the cabin. Will you meet us there?"

"Sure. Oh, wait…tomorrow is Rose's birthday."

"It is. Is that a problem?"

"No, it's just that Lissa and I have been arranging her party and we were going to finalize all the last minute details tomorrow morning." Pursing her lips, she quickly thought through any issues this might create and then shrugged when she couldn't find any. "Should be fine if she's occupied. I'm going into Missoula after breakfast, so I wouldn't be here for the morning anyway."

"Why are you going into Missoula?"

"To buy her a birthday present, silly. You can't have a party without presents."

Thinking of my own resting against my chest, I nodded. "You're right of course. Thank you for this, Tasha. She'll appreciate all the effort."

"Oh, it's nothing. I like Rose, and an eighteenth birthday is a special one. I didn't arrive here under the best of circumstances, but at least this is something to celebrate before I have to leave."

"How long can you stay away from work for?"

"Another week, but that's it. Do you think it will be enough time to help with Lissa?"

"I don't know, but she's smart and has a good reason to motivate herself, so I'm hoping it will be."

"Victor Dashkov shouldn't ever be considered the right kind of motivation, but I suppose, at the end of the day, motivation is motivation. Have you contacted everyone you know about where he might be? You know people in the strangest of places, Dimka."

"I have, and none of them have any idea."

"Which frustrates you, doesn't it?"

Exhaling deeply, I nodded. "Endlessly. I don't like the feeling of being helpless, and that's exactly what it feels like. If I had something to work off, _anything_ to work off, it would at least stop feeling like we were at a complete disadvantage with him."

Lowering her lashes, Tasha lightly tapped my chest with her forefinger. "Maybe I can help with that."

"What do you mean?"

"I have acquaintances that might be able to find out information about Victor that not many others would."

"Acquaintances? What kind of acquaintances?"

"Ones that live on the outskirts of our world but know enough about it to help."

"And where exactly would you know these people from, Tasha?"

"I know them because that's where _I_ also live, Dimka. Dhampir aren't always willing to become guardians and have to look for work – any work they can get." At my frown, Tasha shook her head with a small smile. "You and the others, you lead almost sheltered lives within the academy walls. None of you know all that much about what happens beyond them."

Most didn't, but I did. "Tasha, you need to be careful. Associating with contract killers isn't smart."

"They're not contract killers, Dimitri. Granted, they might not be as above board as you would like, but killers, they aren't."

"Still…"

"Don't worry about me. I've been outside those walls for a while now, remember? And, if it will help in tracking down Victor, I think it's worth the risk."

"Endangering yourself is never worth the risk, Tasha."

"I'll be fine." Patting my chest, Tasha's fingers curled a little as she looked up at me, but when she saw the lack of encouragement, backed away and dropped her hands. "I'll start making calls after dinner."

"Thank you. I appreciate it."

"My pleasure. Would you like to join me for dinner?"

"Thank you, but no. Alberta is expecting her weekly reports and they have to be in tonight." Taking a step back, the withdrawal was subtle, but obvious. Smart enough to know it, Tasha didn't insist, but instead gave me a gentle smile as she turned to the pathway leading to housing.

"Tomorrow morning?"

"Tomorrow morning. Goodnight, Tasha."

"Goodnight, Dimka."

Waiting until she was safely within the building, I began a slow walk back; my thoughts preoccupied by things other than paperwork. I didn't like the idea of Tasha involving herself with unsavoury characters, but if it meant gaining the upper hand against Victor, then I wouldn't stop her.

Not if it meant more protection for Lissa…and Rose.


End file.
